To be curious what you would tell your 16 yr old self now?

[WannabeNigella]

Just wondered really, if you could just pass on one little nugget of wisdom to yourself at 16, what would it be?

Inspired by a trending topic on Twitter just in case any of you saw it.

Dear helewele,
I know things have been sucky for you for quite some time, and I am sorry to say they are only going to get worse unless you get some help. Don't listen to your mum, a good kick in the arse is not what you need - you don't need to have a reason to be depressed (although you have a pretty big reason) so take the pills and ask to talk to someone who actually know what they are doing.
Always listen to your gut feeling - you have those feelings for a reason so don't dismiss them. The men you have those gut feelings about are out to hurt you, and because you feel so worthless, you don't know how to stop them. Avoid them until you learn to protect yourself.
Listen when people tell you that you are worthy - you are smart and funny, and people like to be around you.
Accept, but do not embrace your mental health problems. There is a whole and healthy person under there, don't be afraid to look for her, she will show you how to feel again, and you will be happy, I promise.
One day you will be thankful for all the shit life has thrown at you, because it will make you strong enough to be the mother your DD needs, and although it will be hard dealing with a SN kid on your own, she is worth it. Your problems will also lead you into a job you love, and you will be approachable, because the teens and kids you will work with pick up on your 'vibe' and know you are trustworthy because you have been there before them.
Chin up my lovely, you will look back in 12 years and think 'I made it out' and you will be proud. Hx

Say no to everyone, and do what you want. Your decisions affect your future and everyone else will have fucked off by then
You are not lanky, you are leggy and they are jealous
You are right to not have sex, don't doubt yourself
Your brother is in trouble and is trying to tell you, follow him......
xx

((((((((((notanotter)))))))))

Having a best friend is great but don't put her on a pedestal and don't let it mean you should have no other friends - you will look back and be sad not to have been part of group of friends as a teenager.

The boys at school don't ignore you because you're weird and ugly but because you're too shy to talk to them. It's not that hard!!

Dont run away from home and move in with bf - grow up a bit and realise just how much your mother does for you

stop smoking

appreciate how thin you are

do languages for Alevels instead of crappy sociology and history (ie listen to your mother)

stop being desperate for a boyfriend - they are soooo not worth the hassal

Get a career before you have children. Before.

Don't let yourself be persuaded to commute to school by train. It made your day much longer because there was no railway station within a mile of your house or the school. There were bus stops within 50 yards of both!

Don't let yourself be persuaded to do the Duke of Edinbughs Award Scheme. The teacher involved will soon leave the school, nobody else woill take on the extra-curricular work and all your Friday afternoons will seem to have been a waste of time.

Don't let yourself be persuaded to go on holiday to France with your parents. They were only offering out of duty and you will have a crap time going round stately homes for 10 days.

• Move out.
• Don't date until you're 20, the boys you know are idiots.
• Don't get pushed into a degree you don't want to do.
• Travel.
• Save.
• Wear short skirts and stop talking like a man, it's not attractive.

oh and DO get the tattoos. They looked fab when you were pregnant and you will still love them even with the stretch mark, they are very you. Your mother will hate them

Spend as much time with Mum as possible, take loads of photos of her looking glam and happy, talk to her, seek her advice. (have just put Mum in a dementia home this week )

Do not wear those DM boots that are 3 sizes too big for you. They look ridiculous.

Do not snog other people's boyfriends.

Do not hang off BF's everyword, wait at the window for him to collect you, let him call all the shots - he is bowled over to have got you and will be around for the rest of your life.

Oh for heavens sake stop letting your parents make you think you are fat. And ugly. You are sixteen. And this is as good as it's going to get and actually you are pretty nice-looking.

On that basis, stop worrying nobody will ever fancy you. Frankly, do you want any of this lot in your Norwich sixth-form? I thought not.

Ditch the violin. Yes, it's the one thing that gets you out and doing stuff with people, but actually, secretly, you're not a violinist, are you. STop letting orchestra practice and piano practice take up all your free time, and start hanging about in lefty meetings instead. Yes, your parents will go ape-shit. So f*cking what. (You're going to do this in a couple of years anyway...)

You live in a city where quite a lot is, actually, going on even though it's the arse-end of Norfolk at the end of the 1970s. Why don't you chuck out the Laura Ashley frock and try some of it?

Oh, and you'll probably still get to Oxford in any case.

at 'you're not a violinist are you?'

I wouldn't say anything, I'd knock my 16 year old self unconcious and lock her up until she hit her 20's

Honestly though:

You don't want to be a journalist, drop the easy subjects and take back up all of the sciences, it's your real love and you're going to end up payinmg thousands in Ou fees to study it at the end of the day if you let parents/teachers convince you otherwise.

Stop being in such a rush to grow up just to get away from her... you can still move out of home at 17 without having to live a dangerous lifestyle to do it.

Sex is overrated... sex in alleyways especially so

Pick your friends more wisely.

The tattoos still look brilliant after 3 children.... get more of them!

take the year off before college definitely but instead of spending it in the same city wasting your life go travellling.... your friends will still be there when you get back, a year isn't that long!

Stop trying to please your parents - they have their own issues and it's not your place to resolve/deal with them.

It's ok to have relationships with men - get out of those grandma clothes your Mum wants you to wear, don't feel guilty when your Dad suspects you are a slut - (FGS you've not even kissed anyone yet). Get out, flirt and be unashamedly YOU!

wannabenigella I just wanted to say thanks for creating this thread - it felt great to get that off my chest, and I've had a lovely day because of it

What would I tell my 16 year old self?

DON'T go to university. It will be the biggest mistake of your life! Focus on working with kids, it's what you'll end up doing anyway.
While we're at it, can I go back and tell my 12 year old self to stuff the homework and concentrate on gymnastics?

You are unhappy that you don't know where your dad is - talk to someone about it.

Don't drink when you're older - you're an idiot when you drink.

Exercise some quality control on your friends. If they are stressing you out and upsetting you all the time they are not your friends.

DO apply for to the police, as you were considering doing when you finish college- if you go to uni first you will struggle to get into the career you want due to recruitment being frozen and HUGE numbers of people applying.

Your boyfriend is a dick. Get rid. You will meet a wonderful man in a few years- for now concentrate on SAVING money, getting that career and, most importantly, DO NOT GET AN OVERDRAFT

stop being such a doormat. If someone does not like you because you have your own opinion differing from theirs - it's their problem. it is ok not to be loved and liked by every single person in the world. actually, as it turns out, people won't stop liking you just because you have an opinion.

get rid of that toxic friend. Yes, you know which one. She only hangs around because she's taking advantage of you. Really, think about all the things you have done for her and what has she done? Exactly.

For the future - men will sleep with anything. It does not mean that they love you. Or even like you.

If a man likes you, you will know. If you don't hear from them for weeks, if they don't want to make any plans, if they only call you 3am on a Saturday - no, they are not really a long term relationship material. it is totally ok to tell them if you don't like something about their behaviour.

But all in all, don't worry too much, you'll do just fine.

Oh, and no, turtleneck sweaters do not look good on you. Wear v-necks and get proper bras from Bravissimo, you are wearing a ridiculously wrong size.

1. Your parents don't hate you, they love you, even if they sometimes think they hate you too! Love and appreciate them whilst you can, they may soon be gone.

2. School and uni are the best time of your life, yes enjoy it, but work hard too!

3. Drugs are bad, alcohol too, remember that chucking your guts up at 2am really hurts and you will feel awful for days. But yuo will love the music forever and always look back wearing rose tinted glasses!

4. You and your figure are gorgeous, appreciate them while you can (pre-kids).

5. Follow your head as well as your heart! That boys only wants another notch on his bed post.

6. Your opinion counts, and don't follow blindly like all the other sheep!

7. Never say you will not treat your children as your parents treated you, because you do. You realise with age and maturity that kids don't come with handbooks and that you fall back on what you know.

8. Your heart will get broken more than once. It's what gives you the courage, wisdom and maturity to take life as it is and appreciate what you have. Don't look back and waste precious moments thinking what if.

9. The grass is never greener on the other side, but you will only know once you are there.

10. Live a little, satisfy your wander lust. How else will you experience all those wonderful and naughty things?

STEP AWAY FROM THE FAGS! And yes, I would shout it. But suspect I would not listen.

D'you think you could stop being so bothered about how your brother makes you look at school, and actually look at him? He's gay, struggling with it and your way round, it will take another 9 years (and a bout of depression for him) before he manages to come out and be happy. And the partner he ends up with is a top bloke

You are slim, pretty (and will get better when you get contacts at 18) and life will begin at university. Please do remember, though, you are a babbler when you are drunk and will tell people things about you that you'd prefer they didn't know

And you will have the 3 most beautiful girls in the world - perhaps you could think about having them a little earlier in life, then you could have gone for 4 maybe?

The film 'Clueless' is not ironic. It is not a template to live your life by, and for gods sake, stop colouring those shoes in with permanent marker so that they match 'Cher's'.

That boy who sits behind you in history and drapes toilet tissue over the back of your chair before announcing to the class that you appear to have mislaid the contents of your bra will ask you in out in a couple of years, and you will answer by lobbing a glass of Baileys over his head.

You are an absolute zero in school now, but within a year or so you will be very popular at Sixth Form College. And nice with it as well.

You won't be this skinny forever. In fact, within 15 years you will be twice the size you are now. Stop moaning about those skinny legs and enjoy it. But please eat a bit more veg, you are looking a little pale.

Stop lying about losing your virginity. It isn't big or clever. But in a couple of years you will meet a lovely man and lose it with him in the most lovely, delicate and gentle way.

Beware of that sales guy when you are 19. Even though you will ignore all sense and still do it, don't move in with him. It will be the most destructive relationship of your life and for years will haunt you.

The love of your life isn't just round a corner. You will find him in a way that you can't even contemplate now, but when you do.. wow. He won't be Brad Pitt, but he is lovely. So lovely that you will cry whenever you think of how lovely he is. And he will be the one.

Stop imagining that you will get married and have babies by 25. At 30, those things still won't have happened yet, although you will by then start to know when they will happen.

Live on your own, and get to know YOU. Be comfortable with who you are, and admit that you don't know it all.

Stop worrying about your French and Music GCSEs, although for gods sake please don't sing that bloody Mariah Carey song for the End of Year show. You will be reminded of it forever, it will be so awful. And despite what your teachers say, you will pass both subjects very well in your exams.

When you are 23 and living in your first flat alone, PLEASE pays your bills. Your credit rating lasts a long time and it will be the bane of your life in a few years time. Those dresses and shoes are NOT worth it.

You will do and see so many things that you cannot comprehend just yet. Your life is not going to follow the template that your mum and dad sort of want it to. But it will work out fine, and you will be so much stronger as a result. And ultimately you are a nice, decent, friendly and bright person. (even if I do say so myself)

Don't marry him unless you want 19 years of misery :(