To not let GP take DD out for a full day over xmas

[ClimberChick]

We live oversees and will be visiting UK over xmas to do the expected visits. We haven't told the ILs yet we don't expect to visit again for at least 36months. They refuse to fly to visit us, so it will be a while before they see her again.

I do know that they will expect to take DD (who will be 9.5months) out for full days. (To help us out you understand, for no other reason). This is what they were like before we left.

She is still BF and has one feed at noon. She still has no teeth, so solid intake is rather variable so reluctant to go without milk meal. I am now fed up with expressing and want to leave the pump at home and have time off. (currently pump at work)

AIBU to do this, knowing it will upset the ILs and mean they can only have her for 4 hours at a time. Am also not sure what they'll say about her still have BFs either. Atm if I do this, I know I'll feel guilty for the whole time for being selfish.

Thanks all, has helped clear up some issue in my head.

I think loads of 4hr sessions is reasonable, especially since I hadn't factored in the clingy part. My parents are happy to spend time with all of us and have never asked to have her on their own. Plus there's only so much shagging I can do in 4 hrs . She is not in nursery all day, DH is a SAHD, so she's not used to loads of different people.

I've also realised that part of it is I want to spend time with DD. This will be my only holiday this year (minus crammed long weekend trips). Hence the feeling like pumping is chore and resenting having to do it for this break. Work has a hospital grade pump but with my little one I have to do at least two pumping sessions to get enough milk. Plus I don't think they'd be happy with just one full day, or of they are they'll want her over the feed instead of before or after. They always had to have her according to their times (fair enough, but don't make out it's helping us when what we needed to do was 2hrs before). I don't mind them having her, but just wish they were honest about why (but I digress again).

Since I'm feeding her instead of expressing supply should be fine.

I will be open and if I feel the food she'll be having will fill her up and she changes in the next few weeks I will reassess having to do her feed at lunchtime and push it later. That way they could potentiall have her for 5-6hrs (provided she takes to them). BUT I will not take the blasted pump. :)

What does your DH think?

DH is keen for me not to pump but is also torn because he know's what they want.

i am aware that this is minor and petty, but it's our holiday too.

I think if you don't want them to take her out for the day then you say no, pump or no pump. I find it sad that if you're only going for a week they want to disappear off for one of the days and not see their son.

If my son went to live in Oz then if he came back for a week with a young family I'd be principally interested in seeing to and chatting to him. There's not much you can do with a 9 month old after all.
I presume you would want your parents to feel likewise about you, and would feel disappointed if they seemed more interested in running off with your baby than chatting to you.
Just say "no we're only here for a short while and it would be nice for us to be together" if they suggest running off with the baby.

YANBU at all. You work full-time so this holiday is quality time for you and your child. You have chosen to spend that precious time visiting the in-laws so they can see their GC - the least they can do is pretend they are slightly interested in seeing all of you and not bugger of out all the time. 8 months is definitely not old enough to be left for a whole day with someone the child doesn't know very well either.

The baby isn't a toy to be shared out - I think a whole day is too much for a 9 month old.