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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i being materialistic about my engagement ring?

59 replies

SevernTrentWater · 17/11/2010 23:21

Am I spoiled?
My fiance and I picked out an engagement ring together as getting engaged was something we discussed after many years together rather than having any proposal (i'm very disappointed about this however but oh well, that's life). I made it very clear that I wanted a good quality sapphire or Ruby because these are my favourite stones, however in reality these were slightly out of our price range.

We found a few rings and we ended up getting the ring he liked (i agreed to it mind you, I was feeling stressed and had to choose something we could afford and it looked like the best thing), it was a high-end aquamarine with some diamonds. I don't like it. It looks like a blue topaz from ebay. Now I have had it resized and it's on my finger, i can honestly say I can't wear this for the rest of my life because it's not my dream, it's not romantic somehow. (Although I am starting to feel that the fact he set me such a strict budget and understand why the colour of gemstone (not the cost!) matters to me, suggests we are incompatible long term anyway.)

If he'd gone out and proposed to me without any prompting, with a cubic zirconia and silver ring I would have loved it because of the meaning, but as he was reluctant to get engaged at all, I just at least wanted something I considered beautiful!

Am I being totally unreasonable to want him to exchange the ring for one I do like that is more expensive?

Money is tight right now, but I know we could have afforded just a little extra. He won't upgrade it later on either as he said he would initially.

Am i just horrible and materialistic?

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 17/11/2010 23:24

Yes it's materialistic but I'm more concerned that you wantto getmrries so much more than he does. Is it more about the dream than the partnership?

atswimtwolengths · 17/11/2010 23:24

Why was he reluctant to get engaged?

Quattrocento · 17/11/2010 23:24

You do know, don't you, that this is not about the ring?

MrsMoosickle · 17/11/2010 23:27

Yes -YABU

No wonder he didn't want to get engaged.

"he won't upgrade it later on" Shock that you have even discussed it with him.

SevernTrentWater · 17/11/2010 23:27

Obviousl I haven't told him I hate it. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I guess I just need to accept it or find a polite way to suggest it's just....not me? Yes that's it! I feel like this ring symbolises my lack of prescence in the relationship, I just want him to care about getting me something I'll really love, even if it means he has to pay a bit more for it. He didn't even offer to pay more, he suggested if I liked sapphires so much I get a faux one from argos :( I'm very romantic, and that really hurt!

OP posts:
PamelaFlitton · 17/11/2010 23:29

Do you really think he wants to marry you?

MrsMoosickle · 17/11/2010 23:29

You are surely making this up!

SkeletonFlowers · 17/11/2010 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thingumy · 17/11/2010 23:32

'I made it very clear that I wanted a good quality sapphire or Ruby because these are my favourite stones, however in reality these were slightly out of our price range.'

'If he'd gone out and proposed to me without any prompting, with a cubic zirconia and silver ring I would have loved it because of the meaning, but as he was reluctant to get engaged at all, I just at least wanted something I considered beautiful!'

Re read your post.

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/11/2010 23:32

gosh if youtr like this about the engagment ring, i would dread the wedding planning.

SevernTrentWater · 17/11/2010 23:32

Lol. No i'm not making it up, I might be having a bit of a late night melodrama, cold feet, or something, I don't know. I know the ring, realistically, doesn't matter, but it matters that it be something i like doesn't it?

OP posts:
Olifin · 17/11/2010 23:33

I can't quite believe what I'm reading here.

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/11/2010 23:34

bridezilla alert

LoopyLoops · 17/11/2010 23:36

What matters is that he doesn't want to marry you and that you are worrying about the colour and cost of a ring rather than the fact that you coerced him into engagement.
Surely?

NoseyNooNoo · 17/11/2010 23:37

Fantastic!!! Biscuit

Thingumy · 17/11/2010 23:38

'We found a few rings and we ended up getting the ring he liked (i agreed to it mind you, I was feeling stressed and had to choose something we could afford and it looked like the best thing)'

No sympathy here.

You agreed to it.

Temper tantrums are not becoming imo.

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/11/2010 23:39
Biscuit

my engagment ring cost dp £25 3 years ago, we didn't actually get engaged until earlier this year. He offered many a time to go and buy me my dream ring - but you know what? I don't want him to spend a fortune on a ring. I love what I have.

MrsMoosickle · 17/11/2010 23:39

what LoopyLoops said.

Ps...are you just wishing you were Ms Middleton perhaps OP? Wink

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/11/2010 23:43

Although I am starting to feel that the fact he set me such a strict budget and understand why the colour of gemstone (not the cost!) matters to me, suggests we are incompatible long term anyway

PMSL. YABU, spoilt and a bit weird if you think this means you aren't compatible!

BitOfFun · 17/11/2010 23:44

It sounds like you are doubting your whole relationship?

isthisanEA · 17/11/2010 23:51

He doesn't have his mother's old ring handy by any chance?

RumourOfAHurricane · 17/11/2010 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

everybodysgotone · 17/11/2010 23:58

You should dump him definitely. And find someone who's main virtue is a willingness to
buy your affection spend all their money on whatever your heart desires. I reckon you'd be a match made in heaven.

cityangel · 18/11/2010 00:00

He's going through the motions & you don't like this. If you were head over heals I'd suggest a token high st ring you like with a view to saving for 'the one in a few years'.... that's if you last that long.

I am seriously gutted that mine post 2 kids no longer fits. Yes I admit its a good quality one, but dh chose it & I'm head over heals despite the ups & downs life has thrown at us.

The bottom line is honesty is key... if you can't tell him this early on that you hate the ring & the proposal was rubbish then the foundations aren't set... if it comes out in a future argument he can't fix it & you're the coward.

BitOfFun · 18/11/2010 00:02

Aw, really Shiney? It could be true. Just, er, bad timing.

If you have been together for years, OP, and don't feel compatible, why are you hoping to get married?