To expect SIL to have money she owes me?

[stac14]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice. Last year I loaned my sil money to buy a car and get through xmas last year. The agreement was to pay back £50 per month and have the bulk paid back by this xmas for my kids presents. Needless to say she has not managed to pay £50 per month so I told her we needed at least £500 by the begining of December. Dp just told me today she hasn't got it. She is on benefits and I know she struggles but I think on the basis she has always known when I needed the money back for I am not being unreasonable. What do you think I should do?

Phew! You might be on a hiding to nothing. She is obviously NOT going to pay you back. I think you have to take it on the chin and never lend to her again. The moral is: Never lend any money unless you are prepared that it will never be paid back.

I learnt the hard way and sorry, but you might have to too.

I agree, don't expect it back while she is still on benefits. She will not have £500, and she should never have borrowed that much money from you.

I'm not sure you can do anything - other than learn a lesson from it.

I've always heard a saying - 'never loan money you can't afford to lose'. Wise words.

But, I completely understand how disappointed and upset you are. It shouldn't have happened.

By the way - has she paid back anything?

If you wanted to be really tough, I suppose you could insist she sell the car to repay you....

As others have said don't lend money you can't afford to lose. However I too have been shafted by "family" myself and been let down by them.

If she hasn't got the cash, could you suggest you take the car as payment? If she can't afford to pay back money at the rate of £50 a month, she can't afford a car anyway. Could sell it and get the money back that way.

someone on benefits, on the run up to christmas, is not going to have £500 to give back.

You have several options

1 - write it off. Think of it that you helped out your sil when she really needed it. Make that your christmas present to her for the next few years!
2 - stop speaking to her
3 - take her to small claims court
4 - try to insist she takes out a logbook loan (loan secured against her car) - although the interest on these sorts of things is crippling
5 - try to get her to hand the car over - although if it's in her name, you don't really have any rights there, do you?
6 - come up with a more affordable repayment plan for someone on benefits than £50 a month - say £5 a week. Go to a solicitor or something and get an agreement drawn up. That way, if she defaults, it is easier to take action.

oh. And don't ever lend her money again. Either give money, or don't help at all. Lending money often causes real headaches!

I lent my sister £1000 8 years ago, and Ive never seen a penny back again. Ditto my brother. I will never see that money again.

Id ask her to sell the car to pay you the money. Make sure that she understands that you have no money for your childrens pressies this year because you were banking on he repayment from her. Hopefully guilt will prompt her to act. But I doubt it.

thanks ladies, the point in helping her buy a car was so her husband could get a job, he was doing take away deliveries for a while but we've only had £50 back from £1100. My dp wants to get a loan and make her pay it, i am concerned as you all say that she cant make the repayments and i'm left with more debt. In general i have a good relationship with her but i am struggling to be civil now. I am so mad at myself for giving her the money in the first place. Thanks for your advice

So you basically bought them a car? They need to sell the car, if it hasn't enabled the husband to earn the money to pay you back.

Think you can kiss the money goodbye tbh. The car probably won't realise enough even if they agreed to sell it to pay you back, and by now they may have other debts (how are they funding insurance etc).

the car is currently off the road. I have just realised what a mug i was giving them money in the first place. I truly thought i was being helpful, wish i hadnt bothered. I'm not in a position to let it go, dp certainly wont let it go so no doubt it will become a fight.

Do you have any written proof that you loaned the money ?

Is there any way they can pay you back in time, e.g. childcare so you can work? Can they get the car going and do some minicabbing?

You did a kind thing and unfortunately it's gone the way of all loans to family. Hardly your fault though.

I wouldn't let it go just yet. Get in their faces and ask for some ideas on how they are going to pay it back. I'm afraid the relationship is probably toast either way.

I remember that feeling almost of disbelief when realising that someone really isn't going to pay money back. When I was a junior manager I lent a young guy money to buy a monthly season ticket because he claimed not to be able to get to work - he'd made it to the office 2 days out of his first 2 weeks. Rubbish, rubbish feeling to be both penniless and feeling like a mug.

I certainly wouldn't let it go and I am surprised at the amount of people who think that is acceptable. It really isn't!!

Obviously she can't afford £500 just before xmas. But I would be on at her all the time until she bloody well pays the it all. If she has to sell the car, then so be it, its not your problem. Like someone else said, if she can't afford £50 then she shouldn't be able to afford to run a car, it would cost far more than that to run it.

I lent my dad £300 once and it took me 3 years to get it back. I refused to let it go and just kept reminding him. I took installments as I was fine with that but it did take a lot of me keeping on. I got it in the end though and I wouldn't never have dreamt of letting it go.

I won't be lending money again either.

My FIL has lent us £7,000 for a car and i shall be paying him back as fast as possible beforei do anything for myself at all.
I couldn't let it slide and sleep at night.
I have no problem owing banks money but not people and more to the point family.

Sorry, this is a very difficult and upsetting situation but imo, you are in a no-win situation,

I have also lent money to a family member - they always 'needed' wanted the 'loan' in full, in one go, immediately. This happened more than once. I would get most of it repaid, piecemeal, bits and bobs all over the place which was no good to me as it just goes in your purse and not back in the bank!! Finally, I had to say no to a request to guarantee a loan . It was damn hard to say and to enforce but it finally made that person face up to their own limitations with regards to money.

I think you need to look at your sil's situation, in real terms, with regard to getting your money back. She is on benefits, she has failed to pay anything other than £50 back (so owes you £1050), it is unclear from your post if her DH shows any sign of contributing to the repayments (if he is in a job???). Really, what is the chance you are going to see any of what it owed to you??

I do not mean to come across as harsh - I truly understand how you feel. I just know from bitter experience that you are unlikely to see much, if any, of your money and it is likely that feelings will start to run high if/when you address this issue with her. People are notoriously bad at realistically working out what they can afford to save/spend/pay back.

To that end, you need to decide whether to pursue this - even if you just want to get your point across or if you want to chase the money? If it were me ... I think I would, at the very least, have to let her know exactly what damage / problems she has caused through her actions.

Sorry for the long post. Good luck.

just leave it

by now you knew that you weren't getting the money you wanted for Christmas
If she couldn't find £50 a month she was never going to find £500

you simply can't get money when there isn't any

trying to force her into getting a loan is making a bad situation worse

let her know that you are both disappointed and remind her that she has to pay you when times are better

then chalk it up

YANBU to be p'd off that they have not kept to the agreement, but YABU now expecting a lump sum of £500 which they obviously don't have.

I think the only approach here is to re-negotiate the payment plan and get her to commit to it, otherwise you're never going to see your money. Also I think you're quite within your rights to expect them to curtail anything you might feel is 'extravagent' spending until they have paid you back (I don't mean you get to judge them for everything they buy, but I wouldn't be expecting them to be spending money on luxuries with such a large outstanding debt).

Also discuss Christmas presents with them, make the point that you won't be able to afford to buy much for them this year, and that you would prefer them to be moderate in what they spend, as in it would be more annoying if they gave you Christmas presents of useless tat when you would really just prefer even £20 of the money back or whatever.

Sorry if some of this sounds a bit harsh, but am just trying to figure out a middle ground between being a complete doormat and being unrealistic in your expectations.

And in future, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

D

How do you expect her to get it? Its impossible on benefits, but you should have thought of that before you let it to her. There was no way she could repay it.

You should insist on the £50 a month or even a tenner a week.

They should sell the car and then agree on a realistic monthly repayment for any difference between what they sell the car for and what they owe you, if any.

no you don't sound harsh but i havent just dropped needing £500 for xmas on her that would be totally unreasonable. She had me and dp believing she had money put by, a couple of months ago they had £150 which i was asked could they use to fix the car as that would mean bil would get work they didnt fix the car and as far as we knew that money had been saved. Now its all gone x

Cant take her to court without something in writing confirming the loan.

If you take her to court you will win with proof of the loan but how do you propose to enforce it, 50p a week.

Some advice sometimes is well ill thought out.

If she has any gold she could pawn it.

No point selling a car that is off the road wouldnt get tuppence for it.

When she got the car she had to pay insurance, so in effect she reduced her income by that amount.

You were a fool to lend her the money to start with.

Get her to put the car on ebay, with the money paid to you, make sure you go to collect it in person, in cash from the buyer.

You would be amazed what you might get for it, certainly enough for some christmas present for your family. Second hand cars are good value ATM, even if off road & no MOT. A dealer will buy it.

When you know how much she still owes you then make a decision about re-payment. That might be the time to let bygones be bygones.

No I know stac that it's not a surprise to her that you want £500 for Christmas, she's obviously known for months, but it's unreasonable that you expect it, given they haven't even been paying you the £50 a month, and you can expect and want it till the cows come home but it's not going to make the money appear.

You have every right to be p'd off, YANBU about that!

D