to think it's a bit archaic

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

On the news they have made a huge thing that William "sought the permission" of Kate's father to marry her! I mean WTF what century is this!! Is Kate not able to make her own decisions??? I know it's all symbolic but surely it's not the dark ages.

I actually think the whole "proposal" thing is pretty archaic if I'm honest.

I really think that a couple should sit down and discuss whether and when they want to get married, rather than the woman meekly waiting for the man to decide he wants to ask. After all it's a pretty major decision!

If a woman tells her boyfriend that she wants to marry him it's seen as pushy/desperate whereas if a man does it it's "a proposal" and terribly romantic... Never been quite clear why that is.

minipie I think a lot of people do do that to an extent but also like to have a proposal moment just to add a bit of romance.

Well, call me old fashioned but my DH 'asked my father's permission' before he proposed to me and as far as I know it was the same with all my female friends who are married. I would have been a bit disappointed if he hadn't spoken to my parents first as for me it is a respect thing. It's not as though he actually asked his permission - more that he said that he wanted to marry me and that he would like my parents to know of his intentions. I find it quite strange that so many women think it's such a bad thing and I consider myself to be a fairly strong-minded, modern-thinking female too (as are all my friends. As for the whole proposal thing being archaic etc, God where has all the romance gone? I was absolutely over-the moon when hubbie proposed to me and and if he hadn't asked me I probably would have asked him (as many of my friends have done with their other halves)

I don't like the whole 'permission' thing. If you want to follow tradition, why doesn't the couple go to each set of parents and seek their blessing? It still feels traditional but it's a hell of a lot more equal. I think proposals are dumb, though. I just said, "Right, I've decided I want to get married. What are we going to do about it?" Yes, I'm one of life's romantics.

However, I can see that things may need to work slightly differently in royal circles.

agree minipie. i have been reading this thread thinking "but surely most women are aware that their partner is going to propose." i couldn't be in a relationship where i didn't know my partner well enough to know exactly how he felt about marriage and whereabouts he was on the path to that marriage. not very romantic but if a a proposal came as a surprise to me i would question how well acquainted we actually were.

Yes I agree furry, that's how it worked for us anyway. Mutual discussion and agreement that we wanted to get married to each other, then a "proposal moment" which actually decided when. Though to be honest the proposal moment was really to keep DH happy, he's a lot more traditional than I am (and I think he quite liked the illusion that getting married was his decision ).

The problem is, though, a lot of people seem to think it's unromantic that we decided to get married before the "proposal moment". It's somehow seen as more romantic if the proposal is spontaneous and unexpected. Personally I wouldn't want to receive a totally unexpected proposal - if it really came out of the blue that would probably mean I didn't (or didn't yet) really want to marry him.

cross posted booyhoo, great minds.

i remember finding out as a child that my mum and dad were never engaged. i thought that was strange but thinking about it now, and knowing them as i do, I'll bet it was because they just discussed it and set a date rather than dad proposing. maybe that's why i think the way i do about it

My dh asked my dads permission, I thought it was quite sweet really. My dad can be quite old fashioned so it was nice of my dh to ask. Although, we'd have got married even if dad said no.

He actually said : well what makes you think she'll say yes?

Dh: ummm. Don't know. Just hoping she will

booyhoo, my parents were the same. I am certain they did not have an engagement. There was certainly no big "proposal moment" or engagement ring.

I often think that our generation has become more old fashioned than our parents' generation.

minipie, I so agree. I'm baffled by this return to tradition that we seem to be seeing in society. When my parents and their friends got married in the late 70s, most of the women in their circle kept their own names, there were no engagement rings and the weddings were very low-key affairs - usually planned in weeks or months, not a year. Now I see the daughters of these women going gaga over diamonds and getting excited about being Mrs. So and So. I do not get it.

My parents were never engaged, and I'm fairly sure my grandparents weren't either (wartime weddings being fairly rushed). Both just decided to get married AFAIK. My parents get very about all the engagement stuff these days. More so about "we're going to get engaged" - well if you know you're going to get engaged, you already are engaged you FOOLS

Just watched the interview and Prince William actually "asked her father's permission" AFTER he'd asked Kate and she'd said yes. Which is still strange but not so archaic/ownershippy as beforehand would have been.

Anyone saying it's just about joining the families etc - how come it's only the father who gets asked then? Surely makes sense to speak to both parents?

Ach, there are all sorts of traditions that people stick to just because they like them. This is one of them.

I wouldn't be too impressed if my (currently non existent) dp asked my father for permission either before or after asking me. I'm a human being not a piece of property, last I heard slavery was illegal

Btw my father won't be walking me down any aisle if I ever get married.

my parents married in the early 70's, there was definitely a proposal (with a condition on it - my dad refused to emigrate to Australia so it was "marry me and come back to England, or stay there and don't", and an engagement........and I believe he did also ask my Grandfather's permission.

Though my Gran was dead set against the idea (my dad had the unfortunate co-incidence of having the same first name as the man that had ditched my mum's older sister at the alter a few years earlier) and refused her blessing......though she did still go to the wedding.

news also says that they'd discussed their future previously and it seemed like the right step for them.

My dh asked both my best girl friends for permission, but not either of my parents. Much more appropriate, I thought