to think it's a bit archaic

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

On the news they have made a huge thing that William "sought the permission" of Kate's father to marry her! I mean WTF what century is this!! Is Kate not able to make her own decisions??? I know it's all symbolic but surely it's not the dark ages.

With you on the feminist rant Chateau.
I told my DH that if he dared ask my father for permission I wouldn't marry him.
My father walked me down the aisle only because he'd been looking forward to doing it ever since he had daughters. He emphatically did not give me away.

My problem with the Kate/William thing is that she just seems to have been sitting around since university waiting for William to ask her. Got to be more to life surely?

My gf says she wants me to do it if and when the time comes. I'm fairly steadfast in the fact that I won't which she thinks is a bit rude, so could lead to problems in the future.

i know a girl who told her fiance that he was to ask her dad before he proposed. but she didn't do it out of any sense of tradition or respect for her dad. she is just an arsehole who likes to be different and her proposal had to out-do any others.

PMSL@ booyhoo

I wouldn't like it if someone asked my dad's permission to marry me. It's a throwback to patriarchal times when women were regarded as not much more than chattels to be leveraged and traded.

I think if any potential husband of mine (the queue's enormous!) asked my dad for my hand in marriage, my dad would genuinely be like, "WTF are you asking me for?"

my ds1 went to his GF's father for his blessing before he proposed

i thought it was very sweet of him and made me very proud, nothing wrong with sticking to traditions

It's actually quite sad, apparently my nan's sister was in love with a bit of "lad" (bear in mind this was in the 1920's) and took him home to ask her dad's permission. Her dad said no . She never married anyone else and my nan said she was heartbroken. I think we forget how women really couldn't do anything without a man's say so not that long ago.

VT why did he do it though? because i am sure your ds would ahve still married her anyway regardless of her dad's answer or does your ds actually think her dad has a say in who she marries?

hobnobs that is very sad.

Even if it is a throwback to older times what does it matter now if it is merely a courtesy?

You wouldn't marry someone now if they thought of you as chattel and if you feel equal in your heart with each other then I don't see the harm.

out of respect i guess, they are both only 21, and he wanted to do things properly

Per whatdoiknow's post, I too would definitely let my dad walk me down the aisle because I am his only daughter and I know he would love to play a role like that in the ceremony, but it certainly wouldn't be like him 'giving me away' as property handed over to another man.

Ahhhhh, just need to find a husband now!

he also asked for my blessing too

Why is it "properly" ? I mean she didn't come and ask if you minded him getting married so why does he have to ask?

she didnt know so how could she

but surely, they were both aware already whether their parents were on board or not? and tbh, if i choose to marry someone, i don't do it on the basis that my parents are happy about it.

she had no idea he was going to propose, so she wasnt aware of anything]

each to their own

My DH took my parents out for lunch to ask for their blessing before her proposed. I think it's a nice little tradition myself

Totally agree with Chateau.

Hobnobs, that's sad about your nan's sister.

I would go mad if DH had asked my father for permission to marry me. I also walked myself down the (short) aisle at my wedding. I was 33 and had lived out of my parents' house since I was 18 so it was nothing to do with them.

It is hideously sexist and implies that the woman is owned by her father and then by her husband. Very yucksome.

i assume you kept your own name too?

It wouldn't bother me at all. Infact my parents and my PILs knew DH was going to ask me to marry him. He couldn't keep it secret at all, lol.

I don't mind a bit of quaint old fashionedness.

let's face it - the concept of a man asking a woman to marry him is probably quite old fashioned these days - but it is still nice.

And it generally isn't asking for permission - just asking for their blessing. Big difference.

Marriage historically was viewed as a joining of families not just of two people. The view of marriage as "just about us two" is very new.

At it's worst, of course women had no choice and their fathers decided who they could and couldn't marry.

However asking for a blessing from the family into which you are marrying seems quite sweet to me and actually shows quite a realistic view of part of what marriage is or at least was until very recently - i.e a joining of two families.

I'd be more impressed if William had approached both parents not just Kate's father and had asked for their blessing rather than for permission. I think that would have been in keeping with tradition but with a modern twist.

I understand people saying it's tradition/quaint/more like asking for a blessing rather than asking for permission...

... but I'm still with Chateau, Doig, etc.

VinegarTits: yes, kept my own name after marriage too. (I know it wasn't me you were asking that of; I'm just pre-empting.)