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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that people who feed their kids junk to the point they are obese should be visited by social services?!

286 replies

sawdusty · 15/11/2010 20:56

It makes me so angry when you see these morbidly obese children (fat from food, not any other medical reason) waddling around and there mums buying them more bars of chocolate and packets of crips, wtf are they DOING?!

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sawdusty · 16/11/2010 08:13

Also as colditz pointed out giving your child mars bar after school is not a crime, plenty of people do it on a daily basis and their kids aren't obese. A chocolate bar is one thing but a child would have to be eating a lot more than that and doing virtually no excercise to become clinically obese

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NorthernLurker · 16/11/2010 08:16

Well mugglewump your daughter is growing and sounds hungry to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with a sensible sandwich when she gets home and I think you are treading on very dangerous ground by so closely policing what she eats. Issues with body image and self esteem are ENDEMIC in our society. Our daughters are at huge risk - not of obesity which can be sensibly managed by most adults should they choose to do so - but from emotional issues and low self esteem - which is a hell of a lot harder to manage.

muggglewump · 16/11/2010 08:27

She's greedy, if left alone!
I'd never see her hungry, and don't.
Weekends are for treats, weekdays are for decent meals with fruit as snacks.

I'm not going to see her end up overweight thinking she'll sort it out as an adult if she wants. It's up to me to see she doesn't end up overweight now.

Once she's at high school it'll be a lot more out of my control.

emptyshell · 16/11/2010 08:33

My younger brother would have been bashed by the "fat child" brigade these days. He's stockily built, all our family are. He has slight growth issues from the fact he's got a 5 foot 1/2 inch tall mother, a short-arse father and slightly stunted growth from medical issues as a kid. He also spent a lot of his childhood having intermittent bouts of steroid medication for health issues - leading to him ballooning out. My mum took shit from medical professionals, from random busybodies in the street - from everyone about this "OMG IT'S A FAT CHILD QUIT FEEDING HIM MARS BARS."

Said child grew into an adult who lives at the gym, hasn't got a picking of fat on him, and yes, he's still a short-arse (I escaped that because my dad's tall) and he's still stockily built - but he's not overweight.

In contrast I was the skinnier child, had that extra few inches of height to carry more weight anyway... and who grew up to be the adult with a weight issue?!

What I really really fucking object to is the attitude that fatty bashing is socially acceptable and "for their own good" these days. It's making life WORSE for the overweight - the abuse people hurl in the street is getting worse, kids thinking it's perfectly acceptable to have a pop at people because of their size (I'm not massive btw - I'm between a 20/22 - currently living in size 24 trousers I've taken in because I'm a cheap arse and won't buy new ones yet... been as large as a 26) - it's got ridiculous. All that does is to isolate people who ARE larger even more, meaning they don't go out, their self-esteem plummets even more - comfort eating and lack of activity become more of an issue and the weight continues to rise even more.

Every one of these massively obese people who are housebound had a day where they finally stopped going outside and I'd bet quite often it was because of the comments of others. An example of this - I was at uni, and I would walk/cycle to lectures up a mahooosive hill... I wasn't that large then (I was a size 18 - I remember because I'd just bought a gorgeous raspberry coloured jumper from M+S), until the day some idiots decided to yell abuse out of a car window at me on the way home one evening. I started driving to lectures to avoid that - meant of course my weight went up and the problem became worse.

To lose weight you have to sort out self-esteem and confidence - and that's something the medical profession are fucking shit at comprehending. I've had a GP yell at me in his surgery for my weight... I'd only gone in for a smear test. It meant I stopped accessing the doctors - took me a year after I moved house to register with a new one after that experience. The new guy (although shit with mental illness and a lying bastard) has a slightly more productive approach to things - result... the one who DIDN'T yell and shout got me 3 stones lighter. Still, walking through the doors of the local leisure centre was terrifying - and when you have to do that, to have a bunch of feral little chav brats (sorry but with the way they were behaving - that's an accurate description) pointing and laughing... not many people with rock-bottom self-confidence are going to be able to do that.

I'm frigging sick of the anti-fatty hysteria. I'm never going to be a size 10 - I'm not built that way - I've got broad shoulders, broad hips, a wide frame... yet even if I made it to a size 14 (which would be thin for me... my mother hit a size 10 when she was ill and not eating and looked skeletal) - people would still probably think it was ok to yell at me in the street for being fat, the medical bods would still bash me for my BMI etc etc. It's making matters worse - the idiots who bollocked my brother for his weight ended up producing a kid at the age of about 8 who felt he had to go for long walks "to get thin" - despite his medical issues being the reason behind his size. All it's going to do is lead to more people avoiding the medical profession, avoiding doctors and avoiding going out of the house.

donkeyderby · 16/11/2010 08:39

Another strategy would be to bring back proper cookery lessons in school, starting from boiling an egg. I think there is now finally a move towards this after years of kids making crap like french bread pizza. We seem to have two extremes going on here where kids aren't being taught to cook properly and the tv is full of fancy chefs making ridiculous poncy food that is out of reach of most busy parents.

Ormirian · 16/11/2010 08:44
Tee2072 · 16/11/2010 08:47

Very well said Emptyshell.

Muggglewump is she being greedy or is she actually hungry? I think it's the word 'control' that has gotten my back up about your posts. My mum still tries to control my eating. I'm 41. And it probably started when I was about 9. Of course, she is no longer able to do so, with me telling her, basically, to F off when she tries.

sobloodystupid · 16/11/2010 08:51

Timely issue for me. My nieces are very obese, 7, 5 and 4. I remember dn1 getting black forest gateaux on her First Birthday and sprinting to the high chair to stop sis giving same to my six month old ffs. Sis has problems of all kinds though and in a way, unfortunately, it seems that the kids' health is way down there < huge back story btw>

sarah293 · 16/11/2010 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PaulineFouler · 16/11/2010 08:55

My friends dd is 13 and very overweight.

They all costantly eat crap and eat out about 3 times a week.

The dd has severe asthma I once visited her on the ward where her Mum had placed pringles and chocolate on her bedside table.
The nurse said that the junk food wouldn't be doing her DD any good and my friend got very defensive and said it was a one off treat as she was so ill Hmm.

The dd was wearing size 12 clothes at age 11 she is now having to but her mens trousers as size 12's are too small and bigger ladies sizes fit her body but swamp her legs.
Mens trousers she can get a large waist and short legs.

My friend says it is all puppy fat :(.

mrsbigw · 16/11/2010 08:58

I don't agree that it's OK for kids to be fat because they might grow out of it. I have a good friend who was overweight as a kid/ teenager & they have to struggle twice as hard as most people to keep to a healthy weight. It's almost like the damage has already been done.
I agree that fresh fruit and veg should be cheaper & junk food should be more expensive as it would help families on a low budget but when I was on a low budget my DS didn't even taste chocolate until he was 2, not because I was worried about obesity but because it has no nutritional value.
I couldn't afford a gym membership back then either so I walked everywhere & borrowed some exersize videos (yes it was that long ago) money doesn't have to be thrown at problems to fix them.
I know that obesity costs the NHS a lot of money but I don't think they should be responsible for people losing weight. After all this is the same NHS that has fast food outlets in some hospitals.

muggglewump · 16/11/2010 09:08

Tee, she's greedy, that's why I said it!
Of course I control her eating, I'm the parent and if I didn't she'd eat crap constantly, as would most kids, which is why most parents take control of their kids eating.

You mentioned yourself you limit sweets.
That's controlling the amount your kids eat!

CakeandRoses · 16/11/2010 09:29

Yabu, I agree with others that the ss is too stretched already to start doing this too. I'm not sure the ss could do any good with this anyway.

I agree that something should be done but I don't know what.

I think colditz's excellent post explains some of the issue but I don't know what's behind the choices of others, like my SiL. Almost all the family overweight, SiL probably classfied at obese, gives her 2yo free acess to sweets and fizzy drinks - now at 6, she survives on crisps, fruit shoots and chocolate (stayed with us recently and barely touched a single actual meal).

mugglewump it sounds as tho you know what you're doing with dd and you've done well not to get defensive about it on here

sawdusty · 16/11/2010 09:34

emptyshell so the NHS should be responsible for sorting out peoples confidence and self esteem issues? I've had weight problems in the past, I didn't expect a free gym membership or to get free councelling because I ate too much of the wrong sort of foods and did no excercise, I ate less and cut out the junk and got off my fat arse, it isn't rocket science and even after a few weeks I felt much better.
donkeyderby absolutely agree, kids should be taught how to cook fresh and wholesome food at schools, if there parents (clearly) aren't going to. I've found it's actually cheaper to cook a meal from scratch than to buy a ready meal.

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CakeandRoses · 16/11/2010 09:34

Oh and fwiw, my sister was very greedy and slightly overweight as a child, our mother 'controlled' what she ate (free access to some foods but others limited) and now as an adult she LOVES food and cooking but eats healthily and is not overweight.

Sarsaparilllla · 16/11/2010 09:36

Another strategy would be to bring back proper cookery lessons in school, starting from boiling an egg. I think there is now finally a move towards this after years of kids making crap like french bread pizza

Why does it have to be taught in schools? My parents and grandparents taught me how to cook - when they were making dinners I learned alongside them.

I very very rarely eat junk/frozen food, and I don't for the life of me understand the concept of some that it's cheaper/tastes nicer and 'proper' food is boring - maybe it is if you don't cook properly.

I enjoy cooking and I like a properly cooked meal, I'd pick it every time over frozen chips & turkey twislers

CakeandRoses · 16/11/2010 09:38

sarsa because many of the parents and grandparents don't know how to cook either

sawdusty · 16/11/2010 09:40

Sarsaparilllla absolutely agree with you , surely it is a fundamental aspect of life to be able to cook food? Don't know why people have stopped teaching their kids to cook laziness? but they have, so maybe teaching in schools would be a good solution

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sawdusty · 16/11/2010 09:42

Saying that my parents and both sets of grandparents were terrible at cooking, always ate junk and frozen food so I taught myself

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trixie123 · 16/11/2010 09:43

completely agree that there is a scary lack of cookery knowledge out there. I teach U6th formers how to cook in a little course before they go to Uni in the school kitchen (no actual food tech room) and at 17/18 I kid you not, some of them didn;t know how to CRACK an egg let alone cook one and when I showed them SpagBol, Roasts, Salmon &Pasta,Veggie wraps etc virtually all of them said how easy it was and they hadn't realised. These are kids from wealthy, middle class homes. To be fair, there are virtually no obese kids at the (private)school either and sport is a huge part of the ethos with most of them having to negotiate with teachers because their activities clash! But if their knowldege of cooking is typical then really its no wonder there are now so many people who really don;t know how to cook from scratch which will always be the healthier option.

MsKalo · 16/11/2010 09:48

Oh come on people like longtalljosie don't be so bloody PC - you see it all the time - OP Is right - people feeding their kids SHIT. I try to feed my kids good stuff most of the time and I just don't get why parents give their kids sweet stuff/junk all the time. It is wrong wrong wrong

sawdusty · 16/11/2010 09:54

My husbands front teeth rotted away as a child as he was fed rubbish by his mum, coke in bottle and a constant supply of sweets & crisps. Same thing happened to my dad. That years & years ago and both of their parents were ignorant about diet but there is NO excuse nowadays

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PlentyOfPockets · 16/11/2010 09:58

Wow, the fatty-bashers are out in force today!

I'm one of those annoying, naturally slim people. I've gone up one dress size since I was 18, to a size 12 (I'm 41). I have a more-or-less healthy diet but have never thought twice about eating treats if I fancy them. I have never dieted and have an unhealthily sedentary lifestyle. If I can be that 'lucky', I'm pretty damn sure that there are plenty of people who are 'unlucky' and who are naturally large. It doesn't necessarily mean they eat crap or are lazy or unhealthy. There are plenty of much slimmer people who do eat crap and are lazy and unhealthy.

nikki1978 · 16/11/2010 10:00

Mugglewump I understand where you are coming from but you do need to be very careful. My mum policed my eating and used to get annoyed when I came in from school and had toast. She didn't say anything but I could sense her disapproval. She did the same and cut off foods from me but it backfired and I ended up eating in secret which ended up with binging and weight gain in my late teens. I have never really gotten over that and still struggle with my weight and secret eating to this day - I am 32 now.

I don't know how things would have been if she hadn't done those things (it was more complicated than stated above as she had her own body issues and things got ugly over the years with her bribing me to diet etc) but it certainly did not stop me becoming overweight. I have lost that weight now but I was fat for a long time and I don't think I would have been if my mum had left me alone as a bad relationship with food would never have started.

ronshar · 16/11/2010 10:03

I am going to be very unreasonable now and will get my arse kicked I'm sure.
I firmly believe the reason so many adults and children are fat is because they cant cook.

One of the reasons why we cant cook is because mothers are not handing down the knowledge given to them by their mothers. This has been n issue for several generations.

I speak as someone who's mother was never taught to cook and so I dont have any great skills in the kitchen.

Why can the schools not be given the facilities to teach children to cook. It would pay itself back very quickly.

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