Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

or is it okay to ask someone you haven't seen for a while if they

25 replies

Eve4Walle · 15/11/2010 07:35

are pregnant?

Happened to me on Saturday. Saw someone I worked with until March this year and she asked me if I was having another baby and when was it due. I am not pregnant.

It really pissed me off TBH - you might think 'Oh, she looks a big pregnant' but unless you are 100% sure you never ask right? It's just downright rude.

Was quite funny watching her try and carry talking to me as normal once I'd told her I wasn't expecting though!

OP posts:

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 15/11/2010 07:36

bit pregnant...

OP posts:

TheGrumpalo · 15/11/2010 07:39

This happened to a friend of mine last year, she was mortified! I feel your anger, I'd be raging
I personally wouldn't ask anyone if they were pregnant unless there was no doubt it was a baby bump.

GeraldineAubergine · 15/11/2010 07:41

I met someone yesterday who I hadn't seen for eleven months and I was eight months pregnant last time I saw them. They asked me if I had had the baby yet. We were both embarrassed.

onceamai · 15/11/2010 07:59

YANBU but I doubt she'll ever do it again.

Dracschick · 15/11/2010 08:07

I never ask that question, you never know whether they are having problems conceiving or what ....if they're pregnant they tell you.

She was rude and perhaps jealous of you Eve.

echt · 15/11/2010 08:12

Why jealous? Why put that idea in the OP's head?

Talk about upping the ante.

Dracschick · 15/11/2010 08:33

Perhaps Eve looks v young and the other woman said that purely out of nastiness ...why is that upping the ante??? fgs its monday morning go back to bed and get out the right side .

PuppyMonkey · 15/11/2010 08:38

If it's any consolation, when I was a lot younger I made the terrible, terrible mistake of asking someone I'd bumped into after not seeing her for ages "when it was due" - I mean she was wearing a definite maternity frock IMHO - and she just looked at me. Didn't say anything. Because she wasn't. And I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Mortified is not the word.

I was only young, I promise... have learned my lesson now and would never, never ask this question ever again. Not even if the woman i was talking to had an "I'm pregnant and it's due in January" tee shirt on.

twoboots · 15/11/2010 08:39

I have personally been guilty of this: I was trying to be friendly with a very aloof and scarey work colleague. She made me nervous, so I was trying to think of something to lighten the conversation. I mentioned that she had that wonderful pregnancy glow [mortifed emoticon] luckily she laughed it off and explained that yes her cat just had kittens. I was 20 at the time, if someone said this to me now, I would try to say something funny.

echt · 15/11/2010 08:39

It's the "perhaps" E. looks young.
"Perhaps" she said it out of nastiness.

Why not deal with what was actually said; surely it was thoughtless enough without digging further? The Op had plenty to be going on with. You're suggesting ideas the OP had not put in her post.

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 15/11/2010 08:40

The funny thing is that I've actually lost a fair bit of weight since I last saw her and thought I was looking pretty good .

She's not exactly built to supermodel proportions herself.

OP posts:

Phew96 · 15/11/2010 08:46

I took DD to be weighed when she was 4 months old and a HV that I had never met before asked me if I was expecting again. I'm afraid I may have been fairly short in my reply to her

Funnily enough, the next time I saw that same HV I was 8 months pregnant with DS and she never said a word :o

thehairybabysmum · 15/11/2010 08:56

I've been asked this twice this year...my stock answer is 'No i'm just fat' with a big smile....then watch them squirm!!

Secondly i then resolve to lose weight!

Dracschick · 15/11/2010 09:03

echt .....im really not getting what your diggin' at?

Eve has took no offence at what I suggested indeed she has already told us shes lost weight and feels shes looking good......

Whats biting you??

I used the term perhaps because I havent seen Eve nor had she until that point mentioned how she looks or feel;s she looks.

FGS.

MmeLindt · 15/11/2010 09:05

I would never ever ask this, as I have been on the receiving end of this question shortly after having my second miscarriage.

It is hugely upsetting, much more so than being thought of as fat.

You cannot know if someone is having difficulty TTCing.

A friend of mine has recently admitted that they are giving up TTC and it is so painful for her when she is told by well meaning relatives to not leave it too late.

MmeLindt · 15/11/2010 09:06

Not that it would not upset me to be seen as fat, btw. Not meaning to say that it is unreasonable to be annoyed at this.

Jux · 15/11/2010 09:09

Ah, poor you. It might simply have been that you were positively glowing with health and she couldn't believe that anyone looked that good without being pg!

DH asked the bride of one of our friends if she was pg - on the wedding day, in her beautiful and v expensive white dress. She wasn't

A friend of mine - very slim - was walking through our local town, and some bloke wacked her on the tum saying "Nice one!". She assumed she looked pg. It was hilarious tbh and we nearly weed laughing.

bookeater · 15/11/2010 09:09

Someone did this to me once. Made sure I didn't slouch with my belly hanging out after that!

I made the reverse mistake with a lady who looked rather large, but I didn't like to assume it was a pregnancy. When she mentioned she was expecting, I stupidly feigned surprise, "Oh, really?", implying I just thought she was fat.

emptyshell · 15/11/2010 09:20

I'd get upset by being asked it by anyone old enough to know better to be honest. It's none of their business, if they wait 9 months they'll get a definitive answer either way anyway, and it's the fat/pregnant tightrope.

I'm fat, I get asked quite regularly by little kids if there's a baby in my tummy - that's fine, I just reply that no, there's just cake in there - but I'd be fairly sharp with any adult who dared to start quizzing me like that.

saffy85 · 15/11/2010 09:23

My mum asked someone this years ago. Knew the lady from doing the school run.

In my mum's defence the lady had been pregnant so when my mum saw her out shopping and commented "not long to go now!" she wasn't being totally thick or nasty. She felt both when the lady in question politely informed her that she had lost the baby to stillbirth at 7 months gestation. and went and sat in her car and sobbed for ages.

MmeLindt · 15/11/2010 09:28

Oh, Saffy. How sad.

A colleague of mine lost her baby just weeks before her due date. It was horrible for her starting work and people expressing surprise that she was back already.

ConstanceFelicity · 15/11/2010 09:30

This happened to me a few times when I lost lost of weight after birth of 1st DS- I think the weight came off everywhere except my tummy. I braved it out then went home and sobbed- weirdly, it never happens when I'm at my biggest...

Flyonthewindscreen · 15/11/2010 09:59

I did this once, caught the end of a conversation with someone I didn't know well. I thought she was talking about a 20wk scan she had just had and asked her when it was due. Her baby was 6 months old

BeatrixRotter · 15/11/2010 10:05

I very nearly did this once. It was the first time I met a family friend and she had 2 children already so I just thought she had number 3 on the way. Anyway I am so glad I didn't say anything!

booyhoo · 15/11/2010 10:17

an ex colleague actually patted my stomach witha 'knowing' look and then said "I'm noticing". cue all other ex colleagues stopping conversation and looking at me. i was mortified. the offender didn't even have the ecency to take a red face.

Flip