Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to think this child should have had a telling off not a cuddle...

105 replies

Peculiarjulia · 14/11/2010 13:53

Took my DC to their swimming lesson this morning & one of the kids (aged about 4) got her arm stuck in the drain thingy that levels the water out. I was sitting further along the pool so didn't see what happened but I heard the teacher tell her mum that it was up to her elbow & that he & the lifeguard had to help her pull it out even though it wasn't fixed in there. The kid was not unsuprisingly balling her eyes & clearly it had really scared her but I was a bit miffed by the mum's reaction. She got her out of the pool & cuddled her telling her "everything was going to be ok now." Now if the was either of my two I would have comforted them obviously but also given them a telling off about how dangerous it was & how they should pay attention in the pool & not muck about whilst the teacher is with someone else. I realise she may have done this later but as it was an immediate danger it should have been made clear to her immediately. My DH & mum say this is really harsh so what do you think?

OP posts:

feistychickfightingthebull · 14/11/2010 16:43

I am with Unwind on this one

feistychickfightingthebull · 14/11/2010 16:43

I am with Unwind on this one

AnneTwacky · 14/11/2010 16:50

YABU.

She was only 4 and sounds as if she was very distressed.

There have been a grille over the outlet precisely so kids can't get into these scrapes?

lady007pink · 14/11/2010 16:51

I'm sorry, OP, but I think only an absolute witch would have done what you suggested. The poor child is only 4. Criticising the child's parents for giving her a cuddle when she was distressed is pure nasty ....

I'm not going to go on as I may get banned by Mumsnet!

AnneTwacky · 14/11/2010 16:51

There should have been Sorry

VivaLeBeaver · 14/11/2010 16:54

Sorry, think you're been very unresonable. She's only 4, was obviously very scared. She needed a cuddle.

Hulababy · 14/11/2010 16:55

Cuddle first
Gentle reprimand and explanation later when calmed down, quite possibly once home and child is no lnger scared and upset.

brazenhussy · 14/11/2010 17:07

Almost too scared to say it but . . .

I agree with OP, but having said that I have absolutely no time for children who can't be left for any length of time without messing with things

IMO 4 years old is plenty old enough to know not to touch things without permission.

Children like this are lacking in disapline and their parents reinforce their unexceptable behaviour by cuddling and molly coddling when things go wrong.

Porcelain · 14/11/2010 17:11

I would say the poor kid had probably been "punished" enough for her curiosity already. I doubt she would try that again.

Pancakeflipper · 14/11/2010 17:11

Cuddles.

Chat about doing what the teachers says later - but think that lesson has been learnt. In fact with my 5 yr old I doubt I'd bother with the chat cos' he'd have worked it out himself.

giveitago · 14/11/2010 17:16

Brazen - blimey/ Really a 4 year old. I'd like it that the risks are minimised and my 4 year old explore.

BubbaAndBump · 14/11/2010 17:21

at punishing the already suffering child instead of comforting her!! Weird that the OP has disappeared from the thread to hang her mean old head in MN imposed shame :o

Silver1 · 14/11/2010 17:25

I dunno Bubbaandbump brazenhussy seems to think all 4 year olds should be as well drilled as hers and the OPs

FWIW I am with Goblinchild.
Just hope that nothing like this happens to brazenhussy's child or OPs because they will be distressed enough without the rollicking

Pancakeflipper · 14/11/2010 17:25

Brazen - I am over 30 yrs older than that child and still my curiousity can get the better out of me... I'd probably stick my hand in the drain just to see... I just cannot help it. And mother is the strictest scariest mother ever known. Other parents felt sorry for me. So the mother is probably excellent at discipline but has a kid with it's own mind. Keeping kids living in fear and not daring to rebel just ends all creativity in life.

The kid did a silly thing, been scared, won't do it again.

Hulababy · 14/11/2010 17:27

I have never yet come across a child who can be trusted 100% of the time to never touch or show curiousity even if not necessarily the right thing to do, esp at 4y. It is what 4yos do. It is how they learn. TBH I wuld be far more worried about a 4yo who doesn't show this kind of curiousity occasionally.

ISNT · 14/11/2010 17:28

I would always cuddle a distressed and hurt/injured child, unless doing that meant that it would interfere with the emergency services.

Honestly what kind of person would stand back in that situation

activate · 14/11/2010 17:30

Yes you are being completely unreasonable - a cuddle is called for and certainly not a telling off which would be highly inappropriate in these circumstances

and a stern letter to pool management about inappropriate safety in the pool where children's lessons are

hairytriangle · 14/11/2010 17:36

Yabu. The scare will have done more than a telling off. She's only four!

bumblingbovine · 14/11/2010 17:40

I'm not sure any telling off or even "explaining it was dangerous/wrong" would be necessary in this instance. This was a perfect example of natural consequences. I would bet that the child will never do the same thing again even if an adult never discussed the incident with them in any way.

I would definitely have cuddled and comforted ds in this instance and later I probably would have discussed it in a pretty non-confrontational way. More as in "that must have been scary etc","Those holes are not designed to have body parts stuck in them" rather than in a "you must never do that again" sort of way.

I would see no need for the latter but would use the former to help "cement" the memory IYSWIM so they didn't do it again in future.

Obviously if the child has done something where someone else has been hurt or scared that is different. In this insance I can't see that a telling off adds anything other than making the adult feel they have "done something" about the incident

grapeandlemon · 14/11/2010 18:04

Poor little might. That doesn't sound safe at all I would not be returning for more lessons if it were my child.

I think you are really bloody harsh! I would scoop dd up in my arms and comfort her, surely the natural reaction!!??

Horton · 14/11/2010 18:12

Sounds like the poor child really needed a cuddle. I would absolutely tell my kid off later, whenever I thought the message might sink in effectively, but there and then on the spot when she already probably felt like an idiot? Erm, no.

Horton · 14/11/2010 18:13

If I had told her off there and then, she'd probably just have cried more, if it was mine. Not helpful for anyone, least of all the person trying to free the child!

campion · 14/11/2010 18:20

There was a memorial in the garden at my school to a girl who, it turned out, had got stuck in some grating at the bottom of the ( school) swimming pool. She was 11 and an only child. It still makes my blood run cold to think about it.

As said, a 4 year old shouldn't be able to get her arm stuck like this.Distressing all round. Punishing a child for something like this is bizarre - had she been told not to put her arm there?

I should think she's not going to be too keen on swimming pools for a while.

PlentyOfPockets · 14/11/2010 18:24

'IMO a 4 year old should be aware of the consequences of what will happen if they put their arms somewhere they shouldn't'

Well she was aware of the consequences - she got stuck and very distressed. Sounds like she learnt her lesson in a very direct way, which IME is much more effective than a telling off.

Later on, it would be worth making the point that sticking your arm in interesting holes is generally a daft thing to do, but not in a telling-off way.

Original poster

Peculiarjulia · 14/11/2010 18:30

Nope not disappeared from the thread - just taking some time out to think & reflect! (Not really i've been out & about). I'm fairly new to AIBU so I'm not sure how i'm supposed to end the thread - should i apologise for offending anyone (big shout out to you lady007pink!) & promise I will never actually behave like that or just keep schtum shrug my shoulders & think each to their own??!!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5