to think this child should have had a telling off not a cuddle...

[Peculiarjulia]

Took my DC to their swimming lesson this morning & one of the kids (aged about 4) got her arm stuck in the drain thingy that levels the water out. I was sitting further along the pool so didn't see what happened but I heard the teacher tell her mum that it was up to her elbow & that he & the lifeguard had to help her pull it out even though it wasn't fixed in there. The kid was not unsuprisingly balling her eyes & clearly it had really scared her but I was a bit miffed by the mum's reaction. She got her out of the pool & cuddled her telling her "everything was going to be ok now." Now if the was either of my two I would have comforted them obviously but also given them a telling off about how dangerous it was & how they should pay attention in the pool & not muck about whilst the teacher is with someone else. I realise she may have done this later but as it was an immediate danger it should have been made clear to her immediately. My DH & mum say this is really harsh so what do you think?

YABU for all of the reasons so eloquently listed above.

She is only 4.

I imagine she's learnt her lesson without being scolded at the time.

I agree with Heracles - the trauma of getting her arm stuck would have been lesson enough, poor thing. A telling off would be unecessary as well as mean.

I'd have given my DD a cuddle after that especially as she was really upset by it. Not saying we wouldn't have a chat later about inappropriate places to put your arms. Anyway if you don't know for sure what actually happened how do you know the little girl was messing about and did it on purpose?

YABU and very harsh. Bet your DC don't go to you for sympathy!

"IMO a 4 year old should be aware of the consequences of what will happen if they put their arms somewhere they shouldn't."

HOW?? How would she possibly know this if she has not been given the information? People are not born with this knowledge.

She knows now. As do all the other children at the swimming pool today.

OP - are your children younger than 4? A 4yo would not necessarily know this.

It is a personal bug bear of mine when people get cross when the child needs to be given information.

YABU because the child is only 4 - can't really be expected to fully understand implications of actions at this age imo.

I suspect the little girl learned the hard way and needed a cuddle.

YABU

Poor little bugger.

Well she is not your child so none of your business if her mum comforts her or tells her off!

'because what had happened was their [4 year old's] fault'

Actually, no this wasn't the child's fault. The fault lies with the swimming pool which is dangerous.

And I've just read the OP again and am shocked that this happened at a swimming lesson. In the time the child got her arm stuck she could of drowned.

I'm just grateful that the child wasn't yours, OP.

Too harsh. I doubt the poor little girl was aware of the danger. How harsh would it then have been to punish her / have strict words. She wasn't exactly naughty was she?

Bloody hell, I would expect a cuddle and not a telling off in that situation, and I'm 43 not 4.

Lawks, you're harsh OP!

A 4yo should not be able to get her arm stuck in a swimming pool under any circumstances (IMO) and how can she be "mucking about" She won't have enough concept of cause and effect WRT getting her arm stuck in a hole at the pool . You are applying logic more appropriate for an adult or teenager than a 4yo.

Additionally, it's more important that she doesn't develop a fear of water, swimming, pools or all 3 after this experience! The mum was quite right to comfort her and if I was the mum, I'd be furious with the pool, not the child, actually (and I come from an upbringing of tough love myself, so am not rosy-tinted glasses about discipline or not being reprimanded for mucking around).

yabu.

jeezo, poor kid.

Yabu I would cuddle and calm down and make them feel safe and secure again. Prob on the drive home, when I had their undivided attention, I would have a chat about why not to stick hand where they shouldn't.

YABU and harsh for all the reasons that others have pointed out.

YABU - I suspect the child has learned her lesson already - what good would a telling off do? Good grief.

Perhaps you should write the mother a letter telling her exactly where she went wrong. Bullet points may help. You may want to include a diagram. I'm sure if you drop it off at the swimming pool, they'll pass it on to her when they next come in.

My DD (3 1/2)did just that a couple of weeks ago. She didn't need to be told off then or later. The pain & fright of having her arm stuck was enough of a lesson. She wasn't being naughty she got bored/tired of holding on so hooked her arm over the top and it got stuck.

yes a cuddle first

then later to say not to put arms/legs etc in holes, tho surely the drain should have been covered?

Well now she's better aware of the consequences than anyone - without the telling off.

Cuddle great and then later, at home and all calm, a chat about not sticking your arm in things.

When I was 11 - parents and friends of ours at the beach - three of us got on a huge rubber ring and we didn't realise we were floating out with the tide. Tried calling (people couldn't hear), tried waving (people waved back). One of the three of us were not meant to swim as they were due an ear operation so we kept her on the ring. Two of us to tried to swim with the ring back (tide too strong).

Lady came along in her boat, stuck out a pole and dragged us back. Gave us such a bollocking that out of the three of us three of us never got in water again.

I'm now terrified and it means that I struggle to get ds to a pool.

It was a mistake - a mistake that anyone could have made and kids are curious. Hugs sound fab - the gentle warnings can come later.