Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overly generous presents

97 replies

Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:17

Am I being unresonable? I am just wondering if I have done the right thing...I have a close friend who buys my 5 month old son presents and also occasionally looks after him for the afternoon. We are very grateful to her as we have no family nearby to help with childcare. The other day she texted to say she had bought him a big Christmas present of a 4 in 1 trike thingy. We think it's too big and I have tried to tell her we appreciate her generosity but we can't accept it. He's far too little for it anyway and we live in a tiny flat, so have nowhere to store it at the moment. She has not replied to my texts and I thing she's offended...did we do the wrong thing or was it right to go with our gut feelings and graciously decline?

OP posts:
bubbleOseven · 12/11/2010 10:19

can you tell us what exactly you said?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 12/11/2010 10:19

That's tricky. Rather than texting, can you either phone her or write her a proper letter. Phoning would be best IMO.
OTOH, maybe she is now taking the present back and getting a large cheque made in the bank?

JamieLeeCurtis · 12/11/2010 10:21

Is your primary problem with the gift the impracticality of it, or the generosity?

If it is that the gift is really impracticality, the I can see your point. However, given that she has already bought it, I probably wouldn't have said anything. You can store it or sell it.

If it is the generosity thing, then I think YAB a bit U.

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:22

I said that we appreciated her generosity but we feel we can't accept because it is so large. Also that we won't be getting our boy too much ourselves as he has loads and loads of stuff already, and we're on a tight budget. I said I didn't want to offend her but hoped she could respect our wishes.

We really don't want to upset her, she's a valued friend. MAybe I made a mistake by texting....

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:24

I would never accept a gift from her then sell it - that seems dishonest somehow - would much rather be up front and honest as to our reasons...

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 12/11/2010 10:26

... actually, I wouldn't sell it. I'd give an unwanted gift away.

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:27

She would know if it wasn't in the flat anyhow Blush

OP posts:
pookamoo · 12/11/2010 10:29

Tricky one, but I think you are probably right to graciously decline. You wouldn't have the space for it, anyway... and if your DS is only 5 months it is going to be quite a while before he can use it!

JamieLeeCurtis · 12/11/2010 10:29

Does she look after your DC at here house? Maybe the trike could "live" there?

JamieLeeCurtis · 12/11/2010 10:30

her

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:32

She does indeed but she still lives with her mammy in a wee flat too! Just not practical.
Thanks for your views and suggestions though!

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 12/11/2010 10:36

I would have accepted it gracefully. She obviously adores your little boy and wanted to treat him. Does she have children herself? Sounds like a lovely thing for her to do to me.

Quenelle · 12/11/2010 10:39

Much kinder to graciously decline than sell it or give it away. She obviously cares a lot about your DS, which is lovely. Or good idea of JLC's to keep it at her house.

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2010 10:44

could you keep it at your parents' house or something?

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 10:49

She does love our boy and is very good to him (and us!). In a way I think we should be treating HER as she is so helpful and kind to us. Thats what makes it all so difficult.

We have no relatives nearby - both sets of parents are hundreds of miles away! Which is why we value her dearly as a friend we trust our son with.

Plus she is not exactly rich, like most of us!

OP posts:
Ghoulysses · 12/11/2010 10:56

I'd give her a call to explain and to say you hope you haven't offended her. You both sound lovely people and it's best just to let her know why it's not the best idea, grateful though you are.

MackerelOfFact · 12/11/2010 11:09

If it's one of these then it's suitable from 6 months, which I assume your DS will be by Christmas.

Might it fold down or something? It's hard to tell without having seen it in the flesh. I think you should accept the gift, as it is obviously very thoughtful, and then decide what to do with it - if you're in a flat, could you leave it outside in a communal area if that's allowed? Or take it to a relative's to use when you're there?

MackerelOfFact · 12/11/2010 11:10

FWIW we live in a small flat with sloped ceilings, so storage is a problem - but it's amazing how much you can throw behind the sofa. Grin

ChunkyChick · 12/11/2010 11:16

Sorry but I think you were really rude.

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 11:18

Trouble is, I've already declined the gift and am worried because she's not responded.

There are 2 reasons

  1. Space (lack of)
  2. Appropriateness - she is skint, we are skint, we rely on her to babysit, we value her as a friend and we don't want her over stretching herself. Our baby will only be getting a few small gifts from us as he has loads of stuff and is too small to know the difference. He will get lots of little gifts from everyone else. We felt this was too extravagant.
OP posts:
Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 11:22

Well, I took great care not to be rude and explain our reasons, so unsuprisingly, I disagree with you.

However, I am intersted in other people's ideas. Particularly those who can understand that it's a tricky situation to be handled carefully Hmm

OP posts:
diddl · 12/11/2010 11:22

"We felt this was too extravagant."

Isn´t that up to her though?

Is there no outside space to store it?

TBH if I´d purchased something that I thought was a thoughtful/useful/generous gift & it was declined I´d feel really hurt.

Original poster
Liz23 · 12/11/2010 11:24

But isn't it up to the parents ultimately? It is rather extravagent and felt unable to accept. It's a toy suitable for 9 month old - he is only just 5 months.

There is no outside space that's safe - it'd get nicked.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 12/11/2010 11:25

agree. how much she spends is up to her. it's her money and she can do as she likes with it. it isn't your place to be deciding what is "appropriate" for her to spend

she has done a lovely thing and while i totally appreciate that you have limited space i think you WILL have hurt her feelings and that you should have accepted gracefully.

if she had said "i'm thinking of buying a trike..." then you could reasonably have said oh how kind, but we have no space

but as she has already got it then i think it's only polite to accept it

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2010 11:27

no, it isn't up to the parents.

do you expect every single person who ever buys you or your son a present to run it past you first to make sure you approve of the choice of gift and how much it costs?