Overly generous presents

[Liz23]

Am I being unresonable? I am just wondering if I have done the right thing...I have a close friend who buys my 5 month old son presents and also occasionally looks after him for the afternoon. We are very grateful to her as we have no family nearby to help with childcare. The other day she texted to say she had bought him a big Christmas present of a 4 in 1 trike thingy. We think it's too big and I have tried to tell her we appreciate her generosity but we can't accept it. He's far too little for it anyway and we live in a tiny flat, so have nowhere to store it at the moment. She has not replied to my texts and I thing she's offended...did we do the wrong thing or was it right to go with our gut feelings and graciously decline?

It wasn't selfish of her, but it does often give people pleasure if they can be generous to those they care about. Acts of kindness, are very rarely completely selfless, I mean that in the best possible way.

I do think you need to ring her and chat about it, and while I completely understand where you are coming from ablut not having the space and not wanting to accept something so expensive, i think you need to be prepared to change your mind to avoid hurting her feelings. She chose to get this present for your son, whom she obviously adores, so I don't think you need to feel too bad for accepting it. You might just need to make sure she knows how much you value her, because you obviously do, and I expect it means alot to her that you trust her with your child. Just talk it through with her, but if she comes across like she really wants you to have it, then accept it graciously and find the space somewhere! Your ds will get some enjoyment out of it after all, and that's all your friend wanted.

Thanks curlymama - good advice

I'd be fucking furious if I'd bought my friends little boy a lovely present and his mum texted me and said she didn't want it.

Yes he is five months and at the moment too young for it but by the time summer comes round he will probably love going walks in it (I assume its one with a parent handle).

Yes it is big and plastic and will clutter up your small house. But any toy for that age group is big and plastic and will clutter up your house - play gyms, musical table things, bouncy zebras, push along learn to walk things.

Already gone sorry, but you can be third. Third is good.

Please don't swear, it's so beneath you.

If you had the space in the flat then it would be a good present. Buying something to use within the year is great.

I think it is a little odd that you don't want anyone else to buy something for your child which is more expensive than what you can afford. You need to get that concept out of your head. I think it is lovely when my children are given a present of something I couldn't possible afford. Doesn't happen often enough mind!

Please can I join your club?

Well, we are a bit skint, like everyone else but we could afford it. It's not really about that.

zzzzzzzzzzzz

yanbu, no i wouldnt expect people to consult me before buying every single present but with a large item i think it is essential. She knows you live in a flat right? where does she think it will go

sounds like you have upset her so maybe just phone her and ask her if she is upset then just explain that you are very grateful but your just don't have enough space for a large item.

"it's a debate about the right thing to do in a difficult situation."

The right thing would be to accept the present imo.

Your son would no doubt love it, & that´s surely what she´s thinking.

Give her a call & get it sorted out-or even better, go & see her if possible.

Whatever club that shouts troll. Sounds like fun to me

Tbh, I think YAB a bit U really. I would have accepted the generous present and then given it a bit of time (maybe wait until your DC's b-day) and then explained that you felt a bit awkward and would love smaller presents in future.

Obviously you've already said what you've said, but would it be so bad to go back and apologise for any hurt/offence that you may have caused and explain how grateful you are for her friendship and support?

Do recognise its not an easy situation though. All the best.

FANFARE!

She just texted back. All is well with the world.

Robust is good but swearing...it's just so darn uncouth, darling.....

Oh right, just read the troll thing. I am a not a troll, i am a real new person

What a joke! "Uncouth", and from someone sending a text rejecting a present...I've heard it all, darling!

You're right, it was a joke. How perceptive of you! Top of the class.