to expect dh to help with the children in the morning? Apparently its my job?

[XboxWidow30]

Ok, views please!

I was grumpy this morning as I am still getting up in the night with baby!

So, hubby wakes everyone up at 7.55am to get out of the door by 8.15am. Once we are up he gets himself dressed, lunch and out the door for work. I have myself, 4 children, breakfast, lunches to make etc.... all to do in that time.

I should be up earlier but am so tired at the moment. I said to dh that we should both be up and getting the children ready in the mornings.

He said that he waits for me to get up before he gets up and that getting the kids ready in the morning is my job. I am cross as I really think he should be helping a bit more!

Rant over. :-(

My dh is the same. He gets up at 6:15, gets himself ready, out the door by 6:50. I get up at 6:15, get two kids ready, feed the cat, empty the dishwasher, put a load of washing on, make dd1's packed tea for the childminder, do reading practice, leave for work at 8, dropping dd1 at childminder and dd2 at nursery on the way. He has a long commute so I sort of understand he leaves me to it, the part that really annoys me is when he decides to have a lie-in thereby putting my routine out by 15-20 minutes and making us late.

My DH leaves for work at 7.45.
By then he has showered, helped DS wash and dress, made breakfast for them both, eaten his breakfast, put dishes in the dishwasher and walked the dog.
I will have been up at six, working on my own list. We never oversleep because the alarm clock is downstairs so I have to get out of bed and go down there to switch it off.
We probably are a bit - stringent - about mornings. I don't see the point in hanging around as you have to get up sooner or later. Far better to get done what you've got to get done and leave yourself with choices at the other end of the day.

Gosh, only just come back to see the thread had progressed!

Realitybomb, I am usually up when the first child wakes me up! That's usually between 6.30-7. Today everyone slept in. Hubbys alarm goes off about 7 but he snoozes it until he gets up at 7.55 and wakes everyone else up. Today I just couldn't wake up! Night feeds are doing my head in as the baby was sleeping through!

We should get up earlier, I know we are both to blame on that part but even when we are up together he hardly does anything to help out, and his parting words this morning were that it was my job to do it all.

He usually phones me during the day but he hasn't today. I had to phone him for something but kept it to the point and no usual 'how are you' etc... We are having words later! Whether he likes it or not!

I think it's one thing for the SAHP to do it all if the other parent is getting up at the same time & getting ready for work... it's quite another thing to lay around in bed while the SAHP does all the work ...

XBOX - I honestly do not know why/how you put up with him, as I have said to you before, I'd show him the door - he's neither use nor ornamanet!

My dh gets up at 6.45, does 15 mins of weights, showers, gets 4 dc up and gives them their breakfast. I get up at 7.30 shower and bring the baby down. When I come down at 7.45 the dc are just finishing getting dressed and dh leaves at that time. I feed the baby, get the coats on etc and start leaving about 8.20, it takes a while to get 5 dc in the car! I have never in 10 years had to ask my dh to help more in the house/ with dc. It really just is the mark of the man

You both need to get up earlier. 7.55 wake up for leaving for work at 8.15, and for getting 4 Kids up and out to school? You're both having a laugh !

IMO if one parent (either dad or mum) is a sahp, then the bulk should fall to them in the mornings , but in your case, you're both being ridiculous expecting to lie in that late, broken nights or not. Hardly fair on the older kids, who must be rushed to be ready for school

XBoxWidow - have you stolen my DH?

If so, you are welcome to him :o

And YANBU

You tend to get these in equities if you pick the unfair model of life of housewive and working husband. It's a risk you take with that. Dietch that model, go out and outearn him and then share properly - you know it makes sense and it's the easier route and better for children.

We got 3 teenagers and baby twins up and out ready for school by 7.45am and us both ready for work. It's very doable and the phase of being woken at night soon passes.

Xbox, he wants to behave like a child, the 5th?

Then he only gets a lie in if he has behaved.

Set the alarm for 7, EVERYONE gets up.

He helps get your DC ready.

You will have got stuff ready the night before and it'll be easier for everyone.

If he doesn't help, you send the DC in on Saturday morning, whenever you like, to bounce on his bed.

Tell him you will keep it up, every weekend until he helps get HIS DC ready for the school run.

Violethill as i said earlier today was a rarity, I am usually up with the first child that wakes between 6.30-7, I am not expecting to lie in until 7.55, dh is though.

roomonthebroom, one dh is more than enough at the moment, lol! I'm sorry to hear that yours is the same. :(

is he home yet?

Shall we all come around and wait for him to come home and then we can tell him what we think?

when I was a full time parent with eldest 2 DP would get them ready for school, bring me a cup of tea in bed at 8.30, I'd get up and dressed and whizz them to school whilst DP went to work

I think your H is being a selfish person

We also have 4 kids but now the 2 eldest help the 2 youngest as I'm already at work when they all get up and DP supervises

YaddahYaddahYaddah I needed you last night!!

YANBU fgs, DH gets away with this, but he ahs to leave for work at either half 6 (when we are all getting up) or not until 10, but that means he is in until 10 so doesn't need to be woken at half 6, although if he does get up he helps with the getting dressed. I do lunches the night before for DD1 and I, DH does his own.

This morning he left for work at half past as usual but as I had a chance for a lie in he did sort the girls into the bathroom, put their light on and made sure they understood to play in their room for an hour.

If you were BOTH working, then he would be behaving very unreasonably, however, if your role is now sahp, then I think getting the children ready is your job.
Unless a person is 100% happy in their role as homemaker while their spouse works, these sort of arguments will always occur.
If you're BOTH working it's a lot easier to negotiate as things would be easier to split.

Marantha - so he gets to lay in bed while xbox rushes around getting the kids ready for school? Why exactly? It would be different if he had to leave earlier for work, but he doesn't - he's laying in bed.... and stays in bed till 1pm one day at the weekend and you think this is OK?

Swallowedafly - yes, that clicked in my brain, just as I hit 'post'...

Oh right so anyone with differing views is now 'shit-stirring'. I think you'll find that this is the AIBU bit of the forum so differing views are allowed here.

YANBU. I haven't read all this thread but feel very guilty as DH always gets up with the kids in the morning and has them before work. They are up about 6.30am and he wakes me at 7.30 so he can go. It is lovely of him but is often the only time he sees them as if he is working late they are in bed when he gets back .

But I've always gotten up at night because he can't stand broken sleep, and he has gotten up in the morning to compensate for this.

I agree absolutely he should do more, as GingerGlitter said when you are both present you co-parent!

Omnia - why do you feel guilty - you are still up at 7.30 to deal with the kids, you are doing any 'night waking' he's obviously happy with the arrangment - so, no need to feel guilty :)