to expect dh to help with the children in the morning? Apparently its my job?

[XboxWidow30]

Ok, views please!

I was grumpy this morning as I am still getting up in the night with baby!

So, hubby wakes everyone up at 7.55am to get out of the door by 8.15am. Once we are up he gets himself dressed, lunch and out the door for work. I have myself, 4 children, breakfast, lunches to make etc.... all to do in that time.

I should be up earlier but am so tired at the moment. I said to dh that we should both be up and getting the children ready in the mornings.

He said that he waits for me to get up before he gets up and that getting the kids ready in the morning is my job. I am cross as I really think he should be helping a bit more!

Rant over. :-(

When ds2 was newborn & I was bf'ing round the clock, DH still expected me to get up & get ds ready & take him to nursery. When I once said how difficult it was to get ds to nursery & feed baby etc he suggested that I get up a bit earlier!!! I was hoping he'd offer to go into work a bit later on nursery days but no. I feel your pain...

Xbox - 1pm lie-in !!!! don't even get me started on that one!

3littlefrogs, I must start getting things ready the night before, would make things sooooooo much easier!

I will talk to him tonight cos it can't go on the way it is, it almost feels like I have a lodger here and not a husband/father etc....

A lie in every Saturday??? All morning? Does he not want to hang out with DC's/give you a break?

Oh nbee, today was a one off for the 7.55am wake up call from baby!

Oh domesticgoddess, he never has the children on his own. Actually I lie! He has them on a tuesday night whilst I go out with a friend. However, I go out at 8pm by which time I have got them all in bed, most of the time!

A lie-in until 1pm! Man, your DH likes his sleep doesn't he??? Please don't tell my DH. He'll start getting ideas

YABU

Sorry, won't be popular I know, but if you're SAHM I totally think it's your job.

What's preventing you from setting the alarm clock earlier so you have more time in the morning? Can't you then have a nap when the baby naps?

It takes me 20 mins to register than morning is actually here and I have to actually leave my bed!

He could help more, maybe allocate him a job, like make the lunches or ensure all kids are dressed by a certain time?

20 mins for 4 kids sounds insane, but I am hopelessly disorganised. Sometimes I can't even find my arse with both hands.

YANBU - until he goes to work he is a "stay at home parent" as well. Your job means you look after the kids when he is out, not when he is there but just CBA.

Do people really think that being a SAHM means that the other parent absolves all responsibility?

And doesn't it bother you that he has never looked after the kids (awake) on his own? What if you were run over by a bus?

If husband had to leave for work early, and children and wife don't need to rush anywhere, then that might be different. But if all are leaving house at same time, and not particularly early, it doesn't make any difference whether they are going to work, school, nursery, whatever.

I don't think it matters if you are SAHM or not - getting the kids out the door in the morning is a job to be shared.

We usually both do it, or one of us gets up a little earlier than the other & then when the early riser jumps in shower the other will get up & finish the job - so we do get mini lie ins on a soft rota basis. DP did it all this morning though bless him, as I just couldn't rouse myself (I'm PG & feeling a little 'off' today) so I got to lie in until 8 while DP got DD out the door for 8. But that doesn't happen very often, and when you share the work it's no biggie to cut each other some slack.

Gooftroop, I could set the alarm earlier to get up earlier. Most mornings I am up early, today was different as baby slept in. However, why should dh get to sleep in until 8am every morning whilst I am up getting 4 dc's ready? We are both parents and both have duty to our children. Also, I am up in the night too with the baby, or should I make him do that so I feel like I am ready to get up earlier in the morning?

And before anyone says 'Oh but he goes out to work all day'. Yes, he does. However, he is the first to admit to a morning coffee break of about half an hour, a good hours lunch with a bit of watching Sky Player on the laptop or a sleep, and oh, yes he admits that sometimes he has had such a slow day.

I think I need to get me a full time job as it sounds alot easier than what I do during the day! (Waiting to get flamed on that one!) However, my 'job' as a SAHM doesn't end when I walk in the door at 5pm and start again at 8am the next day. :(

ElephantsandMiasma, when pg with number 4 I was taken into hospital for a week so he HAD to do it. However, the eldest stayed with a friend so he didn't have him to look after and the 2 younger ones were at his parents house and he stayed there with them for the extra help!

XboxWidow

You sound very tired.

Tell him you start work at 8:15 when he leaves. Before that it is both your jobs.

Maybe say also that when he gets home you finish work. After that it is both your jobs. That seems fair to me. That means any cleaning, cooking children corraling becomes a job share when he is at home. WHy shoud it be "your job" 24/7

Totally disagree that because you are a SAHM it's your job

IMO, Anything that happens at home outside work hours is shared. If you go down the former raod, that's like saying his job is 10 hours a day, whereas the SAHMs is 24 hours a day (don't forget the OP is getting up in the night as well)

What swallowedAfly said. It's 2010 not 1950!

,, OP am amazed you got to 4 children. I would find my 2 hard enough with no help. What you said about getting a FT job is true, IMO

OP - so he traded in your 24 hour childcare service for that of his parents? Not very self-sufficient of him is it. It is not good enough, is he a parent or what? How about going away overnight (midweek) with the baby, leaving him to do it all?

xbox I 100% agree with you. I would rather go to work full time than look after kiddies 24 hours a day.

I have 2 children of my own who are in their teens now but through the week I look after my brothers 2 littles ones and ohhhh my goddddd I could NEVER do that full time again! Its bloody hard work, and I have a good nights sleep before they arrive, and they go home at 5! A SAHM has no such luxury.

I'm never as knackered when I come home from work as I am when my nieces leave. Obviously working mums will come home and still be 'working' within the home so I'm not having a go at them - I'm talking about lazy arse dads who think its ok to go out for 8 hours and their day is done. Not in my house it isn't.

Fair points being made about it not being 24/7.

Liking Elephants idea, just take a mini break, take you and baby to Centre Parcs for a few days!

4 kids are hard - I imagine they were a joint decision, so they should be joint care.

TBH, your name says it all really OP.

Grown man too lazy to look after his own children, but keen to play video games. Shocking

(Can you tell I feel on your behalf ?)

YANBU

I'm on maternity leave but dh always shares getting the older children ready (they are 4 & 6 so need a bit of help) even though he leaves at 7.30am. They jump in the shower with him & he gives them their breakfast whilst I shower/dress/dry hair/feed & dress nb/do dd's hair/teeth etc. Clothes & packed lunches for all sorted the night before. God knows how you do it in 20 minutes!!!

At the weekend I'm the one who gets a lie in so I'm recharged for the week ahead, but dh might slope off for a postprandial snooze.

Your dh needs rebooting.