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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't think I can be bothered to stay with friends overnight.

39 replies

pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 16:19

We have been invited to stay with some friends for the weekend with our kids. They are 2 and 4 . Our friends don't have any kids. They live a couple of hours away so we could just visit for the day. They want us to stay so we can "make a night of it". The thing is it won't be a lot of fun trying to get 2excited kids to sleep in a strange place. I will probably have to spend most of the evening upstairs trying to settle them. I don't think it will be much fun for the adults if we just let the kids stay up.

I just don't think I can be bothered with the faff of taking baby monitor, sleeping bags etc. The problem is I don't want to offend them by saying we will only stay for the day.

AIBU for not wanting to go?

OP posts:
zipzap · 10/11/2010 16:23

could you say that you have plans for sun but would love to see them on the sat?

taintedpaint · 10/11/2010 16:23

YANBU, but is there anyone who could babysit for you so you could stay with your friends overnight? Just you and your OH. That way you wouldn't have to worry about settling them as they would be in their own home.

Alternatively, could your friends come to you?

eldritch · 10/11/2010 16:26

I know what you mean - gone are the days when an overnight stay just meant sticking a toothbrush and a change of underwear in your bag! I find packing for any overnight stay like doing the Krypton factor, and thus avoid whenever I can! Grin

Original poster
pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 16:27

They came to us last time and we had a great time as kids in bed early and grown ups could relax. They have just moved and want to show off new house. Don't have anyone that could babysit overnight.

OP posts:
Original poster
pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 16:29

Might try your suggestion zip zap. If I say I am worried about the kids they won't really appreciate what's involved and I know I will get stressed even if they say they are quite relaxed about kids.

OP posts:
discobeaver · 10/11/2010 16:31

You aren't being unreasonable not wanting to go, but your friends might be miffed. How late will the kids stay up? If you go and do lots of energetic things during the day, will they sleep then?

It's nice your friends want you all to stay, rather than make you feel like you can't go because of the kids.

Also, even if they are a bit unsettled this time, if visiting is going to be a regular thing, then they'll get used to being in your friends new house and each time you go will be easier.

taintedpaint · 10/11/2010 16:33

It's a difficult situation for you, I completely understand why you're having a dilemma here. I think in that circumstance, I would probably take the kids and deal with what happens as it happens. It's not ideal, but it would mean you could avoid upsetting your friends.

LBsmum · 10/11/2010 16:39

I agree it can be a faff, but often when you do these things they work out better than you expected, the children too will probably love it and I think ( slightly strange maybe) that it does the children good to go into a different environment.

I am sure you will enjoy it, comfort zone and all that

Original poster
pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 16:45

My four year old is fine it's the 2 year old. He has just hit the terrible twos and sometimes will be fine at going to bed/staying in bed but other times he is a horror.

I know our friends would be quite laid back but there is one thing someone saying that ten kids may be difficult. It's another thing in practice when I may spend all evening wrestling with my ds. They may find it a novelty having ten kids but I know I will find it really stressful.

Perhaps I am being a bit pessimistic and should suck it and see. DH thinks it will be an Adventure for the kids, but then it won't be him packing nappies, and all the other baby parephanalia for ds.

OP posts:
lovechoc · 10/11/2010 16:46

I did an overnight stay with friends who didn't (at the time) have any children. DS1 was around 6 mo and yes it wasn't a great plan. It means you can't really relax because you have to listen out for them incase they cry. You just can't enjoy yourself the same as you did when you were single tbh.

We don't stay with anyone now after that, because of the above and also because you have to pack a ridiculous amount just to make it happen.

I just visit friends for a few hours then head home. No way am I going down that avenue again, esp now having 2 DC!!

In your situation OP, I'd just explain to them what you've told us. It's just too complicated with children and that a day trip is just enough in your situation.

Quenelle · 10/11/2010 16:50

I only have the one DS but DH and I feel the same as you about staying away overnight. We do it though because otherwise we'd never do anything, and it's never as bad as we think it's going to be.

I'd probably make it a condition that DH has to do 50% of the packing/settling though, particularly if he thinks it's going to be such an Adventure.

ChippingIn · 10/11/2010 16:57

I'd go and stay - but then I'm pretty relaxed.

DH is keen to do it?! - just check he's keen to do at least half of the settling! Grin

At least if you do it this once, even if it's a bit of a nightmare, you can say you've done it, you'll have seen their new house etc then next time you can all jointly decide it's easier to meet up at yours!! Or not, they might settle and you might even have a good time.

Anyway, for a two year old all you really need are a few nappies, a comforter if he has one and whatever he drinks out of ... it's not that bad!

Make sure they have a long play at the park or walk late Saturday afternoon, an early kiddie tea, bath and bed at a normal hour... you'll be fine!

LBsmum · 10/11/2010 17:01

Didnt mean to be flippant about the amount of work involved esp as your friend dont have kids. I get really cross with my DH when we go away as I always pack,

Agree with pongon's idea that your DH needs to do 50% of the work when you are there and make sure you run around a park for the afternoon,

Sometimes it is good to do these things,your friends will appreciate it too, once you have seen their new house you can bank on them coming over to you next time

LBsmum · 10/11/2010 17:02

ChippinIn we think the same! ( except I'm not that relaxed)

Original poster
pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 17:08

I know it is just as likely to be fine but have never done it so unsure. Do we bath them at usual time etc. Feel awkward bathing them in someone elses bath and that will mean taking their toiletries, towels etc. Again, I can't really stipulate what and when we eat either. I think it would be too difficult to stick to their normal routine. Or do people disagree?

OP posts:
DomesticG0ddess · 10/11/2010 17:12

wow, chippingin, you travel light! Staying at a kid-free house, i would expect to take: nappies, wipes, nappy bags, calpol, bedtime stories, toys, dummy, teddy, sleeping bag, possibly travel cot if still in a cot, blankets (someone came to stay with us once when DS was still a baby and had to use towels for their toddler as I didn't have enough blankets back then), clothes, outdoor gear, cutlery, bottle/cup, milk, baby monitor!

OP, it is a hassle, but sometimes you need to bite the bullet and go. If it turns out to be a disaster, then your friends can come to you until your DC's are a bit older.

DomesticG0ddess · 10/11/2010 17:15

I think you have to say when DC's eat, whether that means you make them a separate tea or whatever, because starving kids = recipe for disaster. I would skip a bath for that night and do more knackering things, unless your DS needs the bath to signal "bedtime". Am sure they wouldn't mind you using towels?

LBsmum · 10/11/2010 17:20

I think you could try and stick roughly to their routine, though it might all go to pot.

Take toiletries they need, they use your friend's towels, put an old towel on the bottom of the bath for a bathmat, phone ahead and ask them to get in some fish fingers ( or whatever they like for tea ) take a portion of their breakfast cereal, snacks etc,

Oblomov · 10/11/2010 17:21

Why would you need a baby monitor for children that are 2 and 4 ?
You are obviously not of that ilk. I would saty anywhere with our two ds's. You would be surprised how littel bay gadgets you actually need. Tire them out during the day. Might take a bit longer to settle, but not that much. Go downstairs and enjoy a glass of wine and a curry with your freinds.
It is so easy.
But I suspect I have a different attitude, to these thinks.

ChippingIn · 10/11/2010 17:22

pongon - the way I look at things is this - Life is Short. Maximise the enjoyment, you might all have a great time! It might be something you can do regularly to 'have a weekend away' doing something both you and the kids enjoy. Life changes when you have kids, it shouldn't stop. If you want to keep the friends you have pre-kids then you have to make some effort to do so - they are making the effort not to just socialise with other childless couples.

If it's a nightmare then don't do it again for a little while - then try again.

Yes, bath them at the same time, give them a child friendly tea and pop them into bed. Keeping them up later is more likely to make them overtired and harder to settle. If you are matter of fact about it then they will be better than if you seem to be making a fuss.

A bit of someone else's soap wont kill them, your friends have towels - stop making this harder than it needs to be!

They are your friends, inviting you to stay, they are hardly going to see you bathing the kids as a major imposition! Relax!

Do your kids eat anything simple like beans on toast? Or take a couple of Kids Dinners from the supermarket, just shove them in the microwave.

I am sure your friend will appreciate that if you keep the kids in their routine they'll settle better and will go along with what you think is best for them.

Ragwort · 10/11/2010 17:24

The worse thing I found was the early morning wake up Grin - stayed overnight once with friends and my DS woke at 5am and WOULD NOT go back to sleep or be particularly quiet - my friend's lovely DH said 'don't worry - I often go for a run this early' and my friend was very kind getting up with me and making me endless cups of coffee and putting Ceebeebees on TV - but I vowed then never to stay with anyone whilst he was young !!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/11/2010 17:26

We take DS to visit childless friends and it works fine. When he was smaller he would be up with us because he would be feeding, now he's 2 and goes to bed at around his normal time. He is fine because we take his travel cot which has his normal pillow and duvet, and teddies etc. We do bathtime as usual, and follow the same routine as at home.

I think you have to take the plunge and do these things, otherwise you are so tied to home. Definitely discuss meals etc before you go though, because then you can take things if you think you need to.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/11/2010 17:29

pongon - Chippin in right, you are making this too hard! :)

Why would you feel awkward using their bath - I'm assuming you will wash while you're there?

If they are your friends, and not imbeciles then they will understand that you can't just let everything slide for the weekend.

Original poster
pongonperdy · 10/11/2010 17:30

What I'll do you mean oblomov?

Need a baby monitor as they live in a town house and the room the kids will be I. Is on the top floor. You must have good hearing as I wouldn't be able to hear them from that distance.

Perhaps I am over complicating things but have always been a worry wort :)

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 10/11/2010 17:31

Donestic Goddess - yes I'd take most of those things...

Nappy bag - nappies, wipes, nappy bags, calpol, bottle/cup, cutlery (but wouldn't bother myself). Tin of beans & a few snacks.

Small bag with a couple of books/toys/teddy

Clothes, PJ's, waterproofs

Possibly a sleepbag & portacot?

5 minutes
Job done.

Really, hardly anything more than you need for a full day out!

Oblomov - my kind of girl - fancy coming over with the kids??