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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit cross at this letter?

63 replies

ZombiePlan · 10/11/2010 11:47

Have just received a thank you card from a wedding in august that DH attended. I was invited but couldn't attend because it was strictly no children and 3mth old DS (exclusively on breastmilk) was not invited. Anyway, the letter thanks us for the gift and says that the B&G are "sorry" that I was unable to attend. AIBU to think that it's a bit rich to express sorrow that I wasn't able to attend an event that they made it impossible for me to go to? FWIW I'm not anti-childfree weddings,but if that's what you want then go for it - just don't pretend otherwise afterwards and act like I've 'disappointed' them in some way.

OP posts:
upahill · 10/11/2010 11:49

YABU.

SkeletonFlowers · 10/11/2010 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 10/11/2010 11:50

YABU.

They do feel sorry that you weren't able to attend. It is true.

Expressing regret is a different kind of sorry to an apology.

You are being ove-sensitive if you think they are acting as if you have disappointed them. Do you actually know and like these people?

LindyHemming · 10/11/2010 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 10/11/2010 11:51

YANBU/YABU - I suppose it depends if they meant 'We're sorry you were unable to organise yourself to be there' OR 'We're sorry we made it impossible for you to come' and without reading the whole thing, it's hard to know.

Stick it in a drawer and don't give it another thought x

ayjayjay · 10/11/2010 11:53

YABU and oversenstive. I think you're still a bit annoyed you couldn't attend the wedding and I suspect if they had just said thank you for the gift you would have been on here complaining that they hadn't acknowledged you hadn't been to the wedding.

jybay · 10/11/2010 11:55

YABU - but I do think they were unreasonable not to allow babes in arms to the wedding. We had a childfree wedding because of the location but still let little babies come as we wanted their mums to be there.

Original poster
ZombiePlan · 10/11/2010 11:55

The letter actually said sorry you couldn't be there but we understand you're very busy now. No, I was NOT too "busy" to attend your wedding.

But I take your point about the use of the word sorry - it's just that it feels a bit like when people 'apologise' saying "I'm sorry you feel that way"...

OP posts:
FindingMyMojo · 10/11/2010 11:57

"BTW we're glad the moany OH couldn't make it" just doesn't sound great on a thank you card though does it?

YAMMOONAA (you are making mountain out of nothing at all)

pooka · 10/11/2010 12:00

Oh I had a VERY similar note after dh attended a wedding while I stayed at home with ds1 (1 month old). Apparently no children because the venue was moated and potential hazard. Hmm

DH and I asked whether I could attend the ceremony and then dh attend the reception and do - we both wanted to be part of their day (they were good friends). But were told that no, they wanted the guests to be part of their entire day rather than dipping in and out. Ho hum.

Anyway, the note said "Thanks for the present. It was lovely to welcome dhpooka to our special day. So sorry that pooka wasn't able to come." It felt a bit insensitive to me.

2shoes · 10/11/2010 12:01

yabu
they were probably sorry that you couldn't go.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/11/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hmc · 10/11/2010 12:03

YANBU. Meaningless platitude.

Chil1234 · 10/11/2010 12:05

YABU... You're reading way too much into a simple thank you note.

DancingThroughLife · 10/11/2010 12:06

If they thought it was because you were too 'busy' then YANBU. Blardy cheek!

I do think that new babies are a different rule to children though, and they were BU to not allow a little baby.

Sarsaparilllla · 10/11/2010 12:06

I think you're being really over sensitive tbh, what would you rather them put?

'we're not sorry you didn't come' Confused

zingzillachinchilla · 10/11/2010 12:06

YABU - why do you automatically assume that they aren't genuinely sorry?

fel1x · 10/11/2010 12:17

It would annoy me too.

A couple of years back the same thing happened to me not being able to go to a wedding due to baby being tiny and not invited.
On the thank you letter it was addressed to both of us and said how lovely to have seen us both. They didnt even remeber that I hadnt been able to go, let alone feel sorrry about it.
That annoyed me too

Original poster
ZombiePlan · 10/11/2010 12:18

TBH I think it was really the fact that they put my non-attendance down to being "too busy" that pissed me off. it felt a bit like saying that I hadn't arsed myself to take time out of my busy schedule for their special day, when actually I would really have liked to have been there. Would've been better if they'd just said nothing at all. I probably should have put all that in my OP.

OP posts:
upahill · 10/11/2010 12:35

Zombie, Please leave it! It was a thank you note and I feel no matter how it was worded you would be pissed off.

At least you got an acknowledgment for the gift. Do you know how many people don't bother!!!

sharbie · 10/11/2010 12:36

what hmc said

upahill · 10/11/2010 12:37

Fel1x
I wouldn't remember who attended my wedding and which partner didn't come tbh. Everything was such a whirl with people coming and going and some coming just to the day and some just to the night and some to both, some people just stopped by for a couple of hours.

No idea why people get so pissy about such things!

Casserole · 10/11/2010 12:40

YABU.

Ormirian · 10/11/2010 12:41

They were sorry not to see you there. For whatever reason.

BalloonSlayer · 10/11/2010 12:48

Blimey I think you're doing well to just post on here having a moan.

I'd have tied my hands behind my back by now to stop myself writing back "Yes I was sorry too, but I was not "too busy" I was breastfeeding my new son whom you had said couldn't come, therefore if I had come without him he would not have been able to have any food for the day," wrapping it round a brick and chucking it through their window.