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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Birthday - is DP being a twat?

54 replies

JodiesMummy · 10/11/2010 11:08

OK so its my birthday in a couple of weeks. Uusally because its so close to Christmas shopping time I dont get a lot of presents. No problem, I am a Mum and like to get Christmas all wrapped up instead so its not a last minute rush.

This year I have been very organised and Christmas shopping is all done [grins]

I have also recently had a payrise (couple of hundred quid extra per month not huge but makes things more comfortable). Since I have had this payrise, DP has began treating himself on a regular basis. Fancy haircuts, £100 quid jackets, new aftershave. No, he hasnt got a new woman he is just a poncy twat.
Not getting overly bothered by his extravagance, but he has not made efforts at work to progress and has not had a payrise for 4 years! Would be nice if he treated ME for a change.
Anyway, I have continued in my normal way, shopping at Primark or charity shops for bargains not out of necessity, but because I cannot justify the expense on stuff for myself at this time of year.

HOWEVER - this birthday I know we have the cash for a treat or two for me, and to be fair, DP has been making reference to some parcels delivered to his work (for my birthday). i am not getting overly excited because he is a notoriously crap present buyer. But I spotted a dress in a vintage shop yesterday which is only £20! I texted him about it and he said "you have had paint for your birthday" - as I am going to decorate our hall this weekend in time for Christmas. I am fuming to put it mildly. AIBU?

OP posts:
Aloneinthehouse · 10/11/2010 11:11

YADNBU I sincerly hope that he is joking and has actually got you something rather nice if not then buy the dress for yourself before someone else snaps it up

bumpybecky · 10/11/2010 11:13

why did you text him about it? why not just buy it?

NeverendingStoryteller · 10/11/2010 11:15

Go and buy the dress for yourself. It sounds like your husband is winding you up.

Being treated does not equal being loved. If he loves you and is generous in other ways, don't worry so much about his crap gift buying skills.

SheWillBeLoved · 10/11/2010 11:16

I'm assuming he text you before he went ahead with his purchases? Hmm

He is being a selfish twat. You earnt your payrise, go out an treat yourself and don't dare try and justify it.

TattyDevine · 10/11/2010 11:16

I'm amazed, it sounds like you asked him if you could buy the dress. Perhaps it wans't like that. But it doesn't sound like he extends the same courtesy.

I think you need to talk.

ballstoit · 10/11/2010 11:17

I am a bit confused...he spends £100 on a jacket for a special occasion and you cant buy a £20 dress for your birthday? Why do you need to ask him first?

Go and buy the dress.

Tiredmumno1 · 10/11/2010 11:17

Just dont get him anything for christmas, he has had his pressies early already, you know that jacket and aftershave.

Grin
Original poster
JodiesMummy · 10/11/2010 11:18

I am willing to wait until my birthday I was just trying to give him ideas. To be honest, he is not generous in any way he is just a really great dad and a nice person but there is very little in the way of generosity of spirit with him. He has really pissed me off now.

OP posts:
werewolf · 10/11/2010 11:19

I don't understand.

You've had a pay rise, things are 'more comfortable'. Why not buy yourself a few more things, just as your dp has? Why not? Confused

bumpybecky · 10/11/2010 11:19

I buy all my own presents. That way I know I'll get something I like and want.

Go and buy yourself the dress!

ChaoticAngel · 10/11/2010 11:19

Paint Shock

If I were you he'd end up wearing the bloody paint. I hope he's joking. Buy the dress, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

Btw I agree with Tatty, you need to talk.

Mahraih · 10/11/2010 11:20

Why is he turning himself into The Fonz with your payrise?

Sure, it's shared money, but that necessitates YOU using your share. Take the initiative and buy the dress!

For starters.

Original poster
JodiesMummy · 10/11/2010 11:21

I was thinking he could buy the dress and wrap it up off DD or something. He just huffily texted back "you have had your paint for your birthday"

So I texted back "Right."

So he texted "which dress is it I will see what I can do"

So I just replied "its fine dont worry about it".

I want HIM to buy the dress because for a change it will be something I have asked for and I thought he would appreciate the ideas.
Clearly he is also pissed off at me decorating (even though I have been bullied into it by HIS MOTHER who keeps on about how cheap paint is and how dingy our hall is). He is just a wanker and Im so pissed off at him Id be quite happy to throw him out.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 10/11/2010 11:21

I would text back - "no paint is your Xmas present, dress is for my birthday"

Tiredmumno1 · 10/11/2010 11:21

Oh and buy the dress and wrap it up, then open it on your birthday.

At least you know you will have something you want.

Kewcumber · 10/11/2010 11:22

Or even given last post "paint is your mothers Xmas present, dress is for my birthday"

jybay · 10/11/2010 11:22

Why in the world did you ask his permission? It's your money. I could understand if money was super-tight but it sounds like it isn't.

ChaoticAngel · 10/11/2010 11:23

Oh, and yes, your dp is a twat.

badfairy · 10/11/2010 11:24

surely it's a piss take...it must be...isn't it? Shock

MackerelOfFact · 10/11/2010 11:24

Hopefully he's pulling your leg. You should have just bought it, sounds like you'd be paying for your own presents out of your pay rise anyway, even if they were decent. Not to mention his 'treats' for himself.

SleepingLion · 10/11/2010 11:25

It all sounds a bit odd. If he is crap at presents/being generous, treat yourself! That way, you may still be pissed off with him but you have nice stuff Grin

Original poster
JodiesMummy · 10/11/2010 11:27

Money is not super tight but we put into the one pot and I just dont feel like playing fast and loose with the joint account (obviously doesnt bother him though). He gets paid through the month in fits and starts and always in cash - if he doesnt get time to take it to the bank the cash sits in his bedroom drawer and sometimes I dont realise that and accidentally write a cheque to the window cleaner or something and get into trouble with him. My wages go in once a month and pay the rent, bills etc. So for fripperies it always feels like Im going to him cap in hand Hmm

I am sick of it to be honest. This week his wages are in the drawer because he didnt get time to bank them because he was on his way for a poncy haircut! Hmm

Its just unfair, I work hard but I always feel I have to answer to him.

OP posts:
twirlymum · 10/11/2010 11:28

Do you have a joint account?
If so, how come he can buy new jackets and haircuts etc, and you can't buy things for yourself, when it's you that had the payrise?
Get your own bank account!

badfairy · 10/11/2010 11:29

Oooh you need to sort him out....I didn't realise people still paid employees in cash, thought that went out with the Ark. Can't he arrange for his employers to pay it directly into your bank account ?

Kewcumber · 10/11/2010 11:31

"Get your own bank account!" agreed - get your salary paid into it and transfer whatever its agreed you each contribute to the joint account to cover all bills leaving you both roughly equal amounts of "pocket money".

So glad I'm single when I read threads like this.

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