Quick back story. DP qualified in nursing in February of this year after a 3 year course, I was main breadwinner (he received bursary so contributed to bills etc). During this time DD1 was born, I had to return to work early from maternity leave due to financial constraints. DD2 arrived in Aril this year and DP struggled to find employment due to the restructure of NHS and the cap on jobs.
Eventually he found a job in private sector but was quick to realise (after about 2 days) that it wasn?t for him. He assured me though that he could stick it out for a year or until something else came along. It was good hours and very good money.
6 weeks down the line he was very miserable and actually came home from work in tears one day! I?ve never seen DP cry in the 8 years we?ve been together (except when DD?s were born). He had become very depressed in these 6 weeks and his mood was awful in the house and the time he was at home was horrendous so on that last day I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he hated it and couldn?t go back, so I agreed but on the condition I was not going back to work early this time so he would need to do everything he could to ensure mortgage/bills etc get paid.
So he has been working bank aide shifts and part time work since and about 4 weeks ago he started a new job, still not what he wants to do, not great hours, very little money so he still needs to do the bank shifts. BUT it?s a job, he has to think himself lucky as some people don?t even have that! He was fine the first week but the past 3 weeks have been the same as before, not quite as bad but all I hear when he?s at home is about how bad the workplace/staff are, how much he dislikes the job etc etc.
He is currently working up to 6 days a week, 12 hour days. So he?s not home a lot but when he is he just moans. He never sees the DD?s as he leaves at 6am and is home at 9pm, after travelling to and from work. This breaks his heart, I know this and it also upsets the DD?s.
Now, I KNOW he works hard and I KNOW he?s doing the best for his family but I just can?t take the moaning anymore!! He constantly goes on about having no money, I know this. I am stuck in most days with the DD?s as we have no petrol in the car and the weather is awful and I can?t afford to take them anywhere. We are just about keeping our heads above the water with the mortgage etc! I am doing EVERYTHING at home, but he makes things so difficult like misplacing forms that we need, forgetting peoples birthdays. He isn?t the slightest bit interested in Christmas! I?m potty training DD1 (who is a star), I?m weaning DD2 (another star). Neither are good sleepers so I?m having at the most 5 hours a night and that?s not even uninterrupted sleep!!
It came to a head last week though, I returned to work for 1 day a week, so when he came home on Wednesday he didn?t even ask about my day so I had to offer him the information and started to tell him a story, to which I got a sneer and you think your day was hard! NO IT WASN?T actually! It was fun being around adult company and not listening to moaning!!! Anyway, I was so angry as I listen to him day in day out! It?s really getting me down. A couple of nights ago he came home and went straight to bed, not because he was tired, but because he has no cigarettes left and he couldn?t sit up without them! He couldn?t sit up to spend a night with his girlfriend as he had no cigarettes! When he got home last night I couldn?t even speak to him, I just had absolutely nothing to say!
A couple of months back DD1 ?created? a new friend called Gizmo. Gizmo goes everywhere and if DD gets into trouble ?gizmo did it?. This didn?t bother me as I had an imaginary friend as a child, who came along when my DB went to school. But yesterday when we were in the car she was playing with Gizmo and then created a new friend called ?daddy? it broke my heart!! So Gizmo and Daddy were in the car playing and being told off for fighting and then kissing each other. Poor child misses her dad so much she?s had to create a new one!!
I don?t really know where I?m going with all this as I just need to get it out. I just feel that due to his choices the whole family is now suffering and our relationship is suffering (don?t even get me started on our sex life) and his own mental health is suffering. He is a fantastic hands on father when he is there and the girls dote on him. DD2, 7 mo, has even started saying Dada!
I should point out that this situation couldn?t be resolved by me going back to work as my wages would then be spent on childcare. I am going back part time in January but I should also point out that I HATE my job, but I realise it?s something we have to do!
I just wish he could get a job in the field he qualified and do reasonable hours for reasonable pay to spend a reasonable amount of time at home. I?m not being unreasonable am I?