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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the parents should actually give a toss

19 replies

constantlytired · 07/11/2010 16:35

Another primary school one, sorry! My DD has just started primary 1 and despite being a very shy child, has settled in really well, doing great with her school work and has made lots of friends which i am happy about. However, i got a call on Monday to say there had been an incident in the playground where a boy in her class had thrown her at a window and she needed an ice-pack for the bump on her head. The school advised the boy was being dealt with but couldn't tell me specifics. Since then, she has been crying in the mornings, not wanting to go, it breaks my heart. Then on Friday afternoon, i was speaking to the mother of another girl in same class who had just been called by the school to advise the exact same thing had happened to her daughter by the same boy. I believe the headmaster tried to talk to the father of the boy but it would appear he didn't take it too seriously as the discussion took less than 2 mins and off they went. We were told that it would appear this little boy 'doesn't like girls!' Shock, but AIBU to want his parents or the school to take more action before another child (girl) gets seriously hurt?

OP posts:
scoobytoo · 07/11/2010 16:38

Firstly sorry for your dd abd that she doesn't want to go to school.
How do you know it's the same boy and that he doesn't like girls though? I thought policy was not to say who the individual was?

Original poster
constantlytired · 07/11/2010 16:41

My DD and the little girl are very friendly, so when they came out they told us 'He did it again'....The mum spoke with the teacher right there and then and told them she knew it was the same boy...they couldn't deny it.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 16:46

I'm sorry your DD has had this experience and is now scared of school.

As for the boy, you don't yet know what happened, do you? Perhaps the 2 minutes was to arrange for the father to come in for a proper chat.

See how it goes, and certainly pursue it if there are further problems.

FWIW, I've heard lots of girls and boys of this age say they don't like the opposite sex - sadly. It seems to be part and parcel of children identifying themselves as girls and boys. The violence is a different matter, though.

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 16:53

yes the parents should give a toss. that stands to reason. if you are concerned about your DD's safety, arrange to see the teacher and ask what she is doing to prevent the same thing happening again. you should not be told what is happening with this little boy but the teacher can tell you what she does in class with ALL the children.

GiddyPickle · 07/11/2010 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Faaamily · 07/11/2010 17:05

I'm sorry your little girl was hurt, but you don't actually know if/how the boy's parents and the school are dealing with this, so perhaps its best not to jump to conclusions and/or get into an 'us versus the naughty kid' mentality with other parents.

If you aren't happy with how the school dealt with the incident with your DD, speak to the teacher.

ApocalypseCheese · 07/11/2010 17:12

That's awful !!

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 17:12

giddy, you are entitled to know what the teacher did at the time when teh incident happened and tehre should be an incident report filled in but you have no right to know how the school is dealing with that particular child in general. it would breach confidentiality agreement.

Original poster
constantlytired · 07/11/2010 17:13

I did speak with the teacher, they advised that they spoke with the boy and told him to stay away from my DD. They told him that if it happened again with my DD he would be kept in for a week of playtimes. They would not tell me if they had escalated it with the parents, which was what i had wanted to specifically know, as they can't divulge this information. They again would not tell the other girls parents if they were escalating with parents, but they did acknowledge that what they were telling the boy was 'not sinking in'. I don't know the ins and outs of the boys personal situation, and i sympathise if there are any underlying issues, but i do have a problem with sending my child to school in the fear that she will be hurt because either the school or the parents wont deal with this.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 17:14

I agree with Faamily. I'm uneasy about the tone of what you are saying here about this little boy. I know you are angry and upset but try and get the facts straight

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 17:17

Oh, X post OP. The extra info helps. But I suppose you either trust the school or you don't.

GiddyPickle · 07/11/2010 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
constantlytired · 07/11/2010 17:22

I guess i do trust the school and i am still very upset about what has happened...i guess one statement that the teacher said 'the school can only do so much, discipline should start at home' has stuck with me, but i don't blame the wee boy at all, he's only 5.

OP posts:
Runoutofideas · 07/11/2010 17:26

Constantlytired - I don't know if it'll help but my dd was in a similar situation last yr . She twice "bounced off" a much bigger, although the same age, boy in the playground and I had to collect her early with a bumped head, bumped nose, grazes etc. She said the boy was pushing her on purpose. She became wary of going to school and wary of X boy. School handled it really well and actually encouraged them to spend more time together rather than less - gradually it all calmed down - the boy seemed to modify his rough play and they are now really good friends. It may just take a while for everything to settle down, but I do sympathise....

fedupofnamechanging · 07/11/2010 17:27

If my child was thrown at a window by another child, I'd absolutely be demanding the specifics. They have a duty of care towards your child and they have failed. You are entitled to know what they are doing to guarrantee her safety.

If the scholl are taking a wishy washy half arsed approach to this and won't communicate effectively with you, then I think you ought to be making your complaint formally to the LEA and Governors.

fedupofnamechanging · 07/11/2010 17:28

scholl = School

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 17:30

I know. I do sympathise, I really do . My son (age 10) was bullied last year and sometimes I felt so angry. It has affected his self esteem very badly.

In my case, they never contacted the parents (AFAIK, probably because my son was never physically hurt), and dealt with it by enrolling the boy and my son in a group discussing friendship, and by watching the boy and providing emotional support for my son.

But I kept all this very private. There were reasons why this boy was behaving as he was - and I really just wanted it sorted out for his sake and of course, my son's. And it worked.

Sorry if I sounded a bit hard

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 17:31

... of course, I absolutely believe there comes a point when your compassion for a child who is hurting your runs out .....

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/11/2010 17:32

yours

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