Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why cant we ever say " actually it's really easy"

101 replies

Fernie3 · 07/11/2010 07:39

About our life choices? In real life people keep saying " wow four children, that must be hard work" or online things like " being a sahm is such hard work" ( not quoting anyone just a general statement) and a million other phrases that say the same sort of thing on a range of topics. Why doesn't anyone ever say something like having more kids isn't tough if it was i would have stopped by now or in my case no being a sahm is easy i have loads of spare time and enjoy watching cbeebies?.

Driving i find hard (keep failing my test) and many people agree with me but not lifestyle choices. Aibu to think that people are afraid to admit that they DONT struggle when it comes to their children or life choices?

( sorry about the overuse of the word choices - cant think how else to say it)

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 07/11/2010 07:41

Well, I do (about being a ft working mum who travels), and then people react like its a judgement on them. You can't win

SparklePffftBANG · 07/11/2010 07:42

not totally sure what you mean but I think I see where you're coming from. Everyone wants their situation to be extreme in some way, I think it's human nature and leads to a good story to tell,. After all no one ever mentions they have had a pretty mediocre and bog standard cold, do they??

SparklePffftBANG · 07/11/2010 07:42

and I refuse to believe 4 children is easy, sorry :o
I ahve 2 - 1.5 would ahve been the ideal number but they don't come in halves

misdee · 07/11/2010 07:46

i find 4 children easy.

my girls are good, well behaved, well mannered.
yes they have their moments. like all kids.

Faaamily · 07/11/2010 07:49

Um, most people do find young children quite challenging/tiring.

If you don't, that's great for you, but if you are waiting for an army of mums of four under five to come out and say 'It's a breeze!', I think you'll be waiting a long time.

lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 07:51

4 children is hard work ime, as is leaving your career for a number of years, if you happened to like it.

I guess people tend to talk about the things they dwell on, which are more likely to be problems. And in the world of sensitive mothers, you're safer talking about what you find difficult than being written off as someone claiming to have all the answers...

fatlazymummy · 07/11/2010 07:51

I agree OP. I didn't find it particularly hard looking after my babies or being a SAHM. I found it perfectly possible to do all the housework with no help at all from my OH. In real life most of the women I know are the same as me and I never heard anyone say that being a parent is hard work. I just think it is a feature of the internet really.
I actually think many women have a different mindset nowadays.I never expected any help so I wasn't disappointed or angry when I didn't get any.

lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 07:53

How old are your 4, misdee?

My 4 are lovely, but hard work to keep them so! Mind you, DS is the hardest work - is that cos he's 3 or a boy? Sorry, off topic!

stainesmassif · 07/11/2010 07:57

Maybe it's because you've found your niche in life and people rarely do?

misdee · 07/11/2010 07:59

dd1 is 10. social butterfly, into singing and gymnastics so takes up a lot of time there. also does guides.

dd2 is 8, choir girl, brownies. possible ASD/Aspergers (assessment starts after xmas)

dd3, 5yrs old. Rainbows. can be hard work at times, but is lovely and funny. a real cheeky girl. lots of energy.

dd4 is 2next week. has a lot of minor health issues, inc anaphylatic allergies, but is soooo sweet if full bellly and had a sleep.

ds1 is due3 in december Shock

i've put in the little details about them, like guides etc, so you can see how full-on their days can be, and i am not just coming home and resting. but we try to balence it all out over the week so no-one is over tired or stressed. for example there were two gyms groups, one after school midweek, and one on sat afternoons. we went for the saturday one as midweek afterschool would be too much rushing and tiredness to deal with.
dd4 health stuff takes up time with hospitals etc, but tbh after dh heart transplant its a walk in the park iyswim.

SparklePffftBANG · 07/11/2010 08:02

ooh your baby 5 is a boy - I didn't know that! How lovely :)

misdee · 07/11/2010 08:03

his gonna be a boy called katherine at the rate we are sayiing no to names atm Grin

kittywise · 07/11/2010 08:04

I find 5 children easy yes, it's the 6 that I'm struggling with. And as they get older I find it harder and harder because their needs get more and more complicated.

lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 08:07

Actually, tbh, I would be much less grumbly about having 4 kids if I lived in the UK near my friends and had normal UK-life things to do, like playgrounds, parks...

My four are 7 on Thursday, 5, 3 and 8 months. So I suppose it's natural it would be a bit harder work than yours? Or am I rationalising? After all, you're pregnant - that's impressive.

Let me know in a year if you're still finding it straightforward, when you have a baby and a toddler again! :)

Original poster
Fernie3 · 07/11/2010 08:07

Just to clarify I'm not saying just the number of children or being a sahm is easy it was just those are examples from my own life!

OP posts:
SparklePffftBANG · 07/11/2010 08:07

oh dear :) We had the same with DD, had our boys name all picked out and there were NO girls names we agreed on...until we came up with hers as a last resort

misdee · 07/11/2010 08:11

lostinafrica, when i had dd4 i did find it a bit of a shock. but once she started sleeping the haze lifted iyswim.

my mum had 4 under 5, and i know she didnt find it easy.

Original poster
Fernie3 · 07/11/2010 08:13

Lostinafrica yours are similar to mine (6,3,1 and 3. Months) - misdee I would struggle being pregnant as well though at the moment!

OP posts:
Georgimama · 07/11/2010 08:13

Because very few things are objectively easy or hard; some people will find parenthood/working/walking a tightrope/taming a tiger easy but others won't.

That's why we find concert pianists and Olympic athletes impressive (and other such types): they make it look easy and for them it is. But it wouldn't be for you or me.

lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 08:14

That's reassuring - I look forward to the days I don't fall asleep every time I sit down to bf! Grin

lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 08:16

So Fernie3, are you saying that you don't find it difficult? Or just that you like to focus on the positive?

AlpinePony · 07/11/2010 08:17

YANBU.

I'm stuck in a situation where I cannot reveal/people do not want to hear how "easy" I am finding working/parenting/continuing with life. People want to hear how hard it is, how much I struggle. I want to shout from the rooftops about how much I love my life.

It's my dirty little secret.

Original poster
Fernie3 · 07/11/2010 08:30

Lostinafrica I don't personally find it difficult but im not saying that no one should if you see what i mean.

OP posts:
lostinafrica · 07/11/2010 08:45

This is all very timely for me because I've been thinking that I'm too negative recently.

So, on weekdays, I find 4 children no problem. Weekends are a bit harder, but most of my life is ok, so why do I find myself talking about the problems? It seems to be an ingrained habit - and I'm sure it must be off-putting for the people I'm talking to.

However, reading through this, perhaps it's not off-putting at all - perhaps people are encouraging it by their reactions?

Porcelain · 07/11/2010 08:46

It is hard work, but most of us make the choices we do because it is the easiest way for us. My mother is forever criticising my attachment style parenting because she found her methods "easy", but I do things that way because that's what works best for us.
Sometimes I think being hard done by gets a bit competitive.

Swipe left for the next trending thread