Why cant we ever say " actually it's really easy"

[Fernie3]

About our life choices? In real life people keep saying " wow four children, that must be hard work" or online things like " being a sahm is such hard work" ( not quoting anyone just a general statement) and a million other phrases that say the same sort of thing on a range of topics. Why doesn't anyone ever say something like having more kids isn't tough if it was i would have stopped by now or in my case no being a sahm is easy i have loads of spare time and enjoy watching cbeebies?.

Driving i find hard (keep failing my test) and many people agree with me but not lifestyle choices. Aibu to think that people are afraid to admit that they DONT struggle when it comes to their children or life choices?

( sorry about the overuse of the word choices - cant think how else to say it)

lovechoc why are they lying? Because their experience was different to yours?

I found early baby stage with DS1 easy and loved it. I tried not to say anything as I was aware it was piss people off.

Later on, when his sleep went seriously tits up I was pissed off my people saying "mine are fine (because) I do this".

So I got my just desserts.

Much later, talking at an NCT group about chilbirth a friend mused about why nobody ever talked about how well their birth had gone, or how much they enjoyed it. I piped up cheerily about how I had loved my home birth without pain relief. Cue silence and swift changing of subject.

no one likes to bang on about how easy life is because they'd be getting people's backs up. It is so true that misery loves company.
I am very cynical so I don't honestly believe those that go around smiling constantly to genuinely be having an easy time of it. I think it means they are putting up a front.Or trying too hard to let others see how easy life is.

Ooh ooh my I have a confession.. when people say to me.. 'it must be really hard working 50+ hors a week and being a single mum' I nod solemly..

But actually its fab.. I have loads of extra money cause I work so hard.. I have every other weekend completely free to have romantic weekends with my boyfriend, paint my nails, eat-out, go to the cinema... None of my SAHM married friends have that! Plus I havent got to worry about havin no financial independance hoorah. It is tough sometimes and its a bit like ground hog day when the alarm goes of at 6.30 every day and I have to get myself looking all corporate and have the kids ready and out the door by 7.20 then not sitting down until atleast 8pm every night... but I wouldnt change it for any other life

Also, it goes without saying that we brits like a moan.. lovechoc is very accurate in saying that misery loves company

I found learning to drive very easy, I passed my test first time after only 7 hrs of driving.

I can't help but think that wasn't a very tactful thing to say.

londonlottie I loved your post summed it up perfectly

london lottie - agree with every word.

londonlottie - I completely agree. I too have twins and am an older mum. People say to me all the time "I don't know how you cope with 2" or the worst I had said to me "If I found out I was having twins, I'd shoot myself".

I have found it relatively easy, a mixture of luck and deciding early on to say good-bye to my "show-house" and embrace my more practical living arrangements. DTDs amuse each other most of the time so I can get on and do things.

I work long hours and yes sometimes I feel tired but my clubbing days are over so its early to bed for me now.

It is difficult to navigate between martyrdom and smugness

I agree OP

I have five children and am expecting no.6, and I honestly do find it pretty easy. Of course I'm not saying that there's never a time when it can be hard work, but, well yes five kids to me is pretty easy. But I never say it IRL because it does seem smug and it's honestly not meant that way. I can totally understand why people find 1/2/3 hard work, and there are lots of things that I do find difficult. So I wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad by saying it.

OMG, I totally agree with the OP.

I gave up a fairly stressful, high powered and well paid career earlier this year to spend time with my children and get rid of the stress.

This job - SAHM - is so much easier than my other job, its not really stressful, I see my children all the time and I have so much free time its ridiculous eventhough I have my DS with me all the time.

The house is in great shape and I'm cooking up a storm.

One of my SIL is also a SAHM with children the same ages as mine, she says she finds being a SAHM very hard and I just think WHY?

However,the only person I've actually said this too is DH.

God its nice to actually say it.

my life choice (to be a working mum) is easy and I know it's the right one for me. I certainly don't yearn to be a SAHM.

But the reality is it is hard work, what with commuting and all, and childcare arrangements now that dd1 has started school, and I am frequently knackered

so it's not that simple really is it?

Totally agree OP. Have 5 dc 8,6,4,2 all boys and 1 dd 9mths.I sometimes feel I have to pretend to be stressed to make other people happy. I also think it has alot to do with your attitude towards life in general. If you're the sort of person who has 5 dc in the first place, you probably are not as daunted by things as others. Also I think dc in a big family, I know I'm generalizing a bit here, but they are a bit better at just getting on with things. My dc are very independant because they get fed up waiting for someone to help and also they are good at compromising and easy to reason with as there are many peoples feelings/opinions to deal with in the house.

You are right 4plus1. Generally people with large familes want a large family and have the right mindset. Whereas to me, the very idea makes me want to lie down in a darkened room .

I think you are right about the older ones being left left to get on with things. I only have one, so she is the main focus all the time.

I think that people are confusing 'easy' with enjoyable. I love having 3 lively boys, my MIL doesn't understand how I cope, but they are lovely - each of them is delightful in his own way and stage. Yes, it is hard work, but I love it.

Easy is the wrong word.

I found babies and small children easy - it's the teen years that have me !

I also must admit to finding housework tough.

But I can make pastry no probs!

janajos:- obviously I can't speak for anyone else, but I am not using easy as another word for enjoyable

I really do find parenting my 5 children easy, there are times when it's hard work yes, but on the whole I do find it easy as well as enjoyable

There are other things though that I find incredibly difficult that I'm sure other people find a breeze

Completely agree OP.

I was at a hen weekend not so long ago where after dinner on the Saturday night (had hired a cottage) everyone sat around and competed over how busy their jobs were and how hard they worked and how stressed they were etc etc!

When I was asked about my situation I had to admit that I worked flexi-time 8.30 - 4.30 and 35 hours a week. (Do a 'professional' well paid job btw, have just drawn a line in the sand over work-life balance).

I did have the emotional intelligence to sound a bit embarrassed about this but the silence that descended after I 'confessed' was as if I'd just said something racist whilst feeding a child fruit shoots!!

Then I thought, "Fuck it, why should I be embarrassed that I'm good at my job and can do everything in 7 hours a day!"

I have 2 dds - 2.2 and 4 months.

I find it hard, but what I mean by that is I find it physically hard - all the picking them up, buckling them into carseats, in and out of cars, pushing a double buggy whilst walking the dog. It is hard physical work for me as compared to my previous office incarnations.

I love being a SAHM - one daughter, 11 months. I don't think I always find it easy - well, perhaps it is mentally "easy" - ie does not tax my brain. But can sometimes be a bit stressful when she is grumpy etc. However, we have had a hard year (she had awful reflux and milk allergy, the dislocated hip requiring 2 operations and cast for 18 weeks, meanwhile I severely injured my knee when she was 4 months old, couldn't leave the house for 8 weeks and have had to have intensive physio and eventually an operation, several other illnesses in the family, moving house etc) and I think - wow - if none of this happens when I next have a baby it'll be sooo easy!

And yes you don't get much time to yourself but you don't have to get up and dressed and rush out of the house. The thing that gets me is tiredness - even though she sleeps all night and doesn't get up until 8:30ish. But then I have always needed masses of sleep and I know I am beyond lucky with how late she sleeps! [lazy person emoticon].

I say I really enjoy it (and lots of people ask how I don't get bored) but don't say I find it really easy etc as I think that might (wrongly) make other people feel inadequate if they find it hard, even though everyone can't always be good at everything - same as in the workplace...

I am happy with my life choices but I am currently doing the SN asessment rounds with DS. I have daily reports from the school about his behaviour and we are currenly spending a fortune in assessments and thrapies.

I have a niece and nephew who have recently been orphaned who live abroad that I am trying to help and spend time with.

I have sick elderly parents who need a great deal of time and care.

I have a 4 day a week job that leaches into my non-work time because of the lack of support staff in my so-called "fat cat public sector job" for which I am paid a pittance.

So excuse me if I am not all sweetness and light and if I am finding life hard at the moment and if I really don't want to hear how happy you are beyond a quick comment.

I think anyone who says I am perfectly happy with my life and truly imagines that will never change is living in cloud cuckoo land. That is why we try to listen and sympathise woth those having a hard time (for whatever reason) because "there but for the grace ...etc"

As for the "Oh how do you manage 4 children comments?" - Come on! often this is said as a way of being nice and just having something to say. As a mother of 1 I often say this, but my true view is that being a SAHM with 4 children is probably quite easy and in a lot of ways much easier than having one.

Asuming you don't have anything awful going on in your life and assuming you don't have too many pre-schoolers at home at the same time I privately think it would be fine and easier than having one but I say I would find it hard to be nice and to cover the sadness I have over my secondary infertility.