To want a bit of help from my Mum?

[MumblingClothDoll]

My DH is working abroad and I have 2 DC ages 6 and 2....I work from home and have to do the bulk in the evening when they are in bed. As a result the house is a mess...I have lost control of it and nobody has offered any help. It's been months now and my Mum can see I am knackered and depressed...she comes around and sits for about 10 minutes with a cup of tea...reads my magazines and then buggers off.

I have tried asking her "Would you be able to come for an hour one day so I can have a bath or tidy upstairs without DC's fighting as sooon as I leave the room"

She nods and smiles and then can't find the time. I tell her how tired I am and she says "We all are"

She works part time...and she's a fit 60 years old with a car and all she needs. She offers to take me shopping all the time...and I don't NEED that...I order online...as I dont drive.

My sisters have DCs of their own...one has bad health and her own troubles and the other lives too far away. I cannot afford any help or childcare...my mates are all the same...one works horrendous hours and has a long commute and the other is having serious marriage troubles and is in a mess.

There is nobody else. Every night I sit in the mess, too exhausted to do more than get school uniform ready and wash the dishes...I don't know what to do.

Mumbling, I feel your pain, and I do think your mum is the obvious person to help you out, but if you have asked and she hasn't been forthcoming, there isn't much more you can. She isn't obliged to help you, I guess is what I'm saying (although personally, I find it very strange).

If your husband is working abroad and you aren't coping, can you not buy in some support? A cleaner? Someone to help with ironing? It seems unfair that you are left to do everything on your own.

No...as I mentioned Faaamily I cannot afford childcare or a cleaner...a sne cleaner would run a mile if they saw my hose atm!

It sounds deeper than just needing a bit of a hand from your mum now and again. Could you be depressed?

Not my hose! My house!

I don't know rainbow...I had real depression when I was 19 and it was far worse than this...I feel like I am so physically tired I might go clunk any day now. I ache massively all the time...my limbs...and my back. I literally cannot get the energy up to see the doctor! I just drag to school, drag home, try to play withyoungest DC....try to clean up, fail and then after DC's are in bed I work and then get to bed at 1.00am,

I feel like I might go to sleep one day and be unable to get up again.

I have made appointments to see the doc but am aways too tired to actually go! Have asked mum to drive me there as it's 2 miles away nd she never can/will.

Really feel for you. My Mum is a bit crap at this too. She made it quite plain when I was pregnant though. She kept saying "I did it all without help". Wrong, my Auntie had my 5 days a week and my other Auntie did all the ironing for her, my Dad did all the cooking and she had babysitters on tap. Funny how a few years can alter the memory though isn't it.

The only times they have come around is if I have said specifically something like "would you like to come for tea on Thursday and come a at 3 so that you can play with the DC for an hour while I do upstairs?" Think they've done it about 3 times in 6.5 years and I had to cook tea for them. They are good in other ways though.

Anaemic? Whatever it is, it sounds like something isnt right.

Cross posted there sorry. Think you really need to try to make the effort to go to the GPs even if it means getting a taxi.

Have you tried talking to your HV?

Hope you feel a little better soon.

I am sorry you are in this situation Mumbling. Does the 2 year old go to nursery or pre-school at all?

This might sound pretty harsh but in the future when I am a grandma, I would not be happy to be expected to do housework in my grownup children's houses. I would help in other ways, if I could, (like minding dc) - but I would only start tackling household chores if it was an emergency or if my child was in really desperate circumstances.

Nmey I never said I expected my Mum to do the housework! I said she might play with the kids while I do it or have a bath!

So there.

Anemia did cross my mind but my nails are pink! if that is an old bit of codswallop...but that's what they say isn't it?

My dd is 2 namey...nursery costs money which I pointed out I do not have.

Mumbling, when is DD 3? Just wondering as you will get the 15 hours free then, provided the ooalition does scrap that too any time soon.

I know Ineedsomesleep....she won't be three until March.

i feel for you OP, i feel as though my house is like that at the minute, but i actually don't want my mum to help. i feel to embarrased to ask for help.

i think if your mum keeps offeringhelp and tehn not actually doing it then you need to accept that she isn't going to. woudl she be willing to have your dcs one afternoon a week at her house to let you get some things done?

If you are working, then surely it's your responsibility to organise some paid childcare?
Don't mean to sound harsh, but it's not fair to expect anyone else to provide childcare, cleaning etc unpaid. You have only one pre-schooler, who will get some free nursery hours at age 3, so at least then you can work and earn for 15 hours a week with no childcare costs.

Hopefully you will get your free hours after Easter then. Its something to look forward to at least.

X posts there with Ineedsomesleep.

That;s only 4 months away then.

Anaemia - it's how quickly your nails go back to pink after being pressed. I had a nurse do it to me the other day :) I think if it goes back to normal in a couple of seconds it's fine.
Also the pink bits in your eyes should be pink, not white. Apparently.
Does sound like something is wrong though, I would go to a doctor. Can you get a taxi or something?

Violet...I work from hom self employed...dont earn a lot and I never ONCE said I expected anyone else to "provide childcare" but for my own Mother to watch my DC for an hour....I never ONCE said I wanted her to clean for me....but to help play with the kids whilst I do it. Read posts properly if you inist on being mean.

Thanks Skyrg....now I look they seem to tke a while...there is a white patch which lingers after it is pressed. Makes sense...thanks!

Im not being mean. I just don't know why you expect your mother to look after your children at all. If she comes to visit, perhaps it's to relax, be sociable.... not look after a two year old while you do your housework or have a bath.

Violet....what do YOU think family is for apart from someone to love? It is also to provide support...I bloody support her enough in practical ways...it's normal for family to help one another...unless you were dragged up by snakes.

Have a try of this then. It will help your iron levels and a small glass wil help you to relax

Oh Ineedsomesleep...it reminds me of those ads from when I was a kid...and Sanatogen was for OLD people! But I will give it a go...thanks...