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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that in front of my boyfriend my flatmate should not....

105 replies

tummysgottogo · 06/11/2010 11:39

wear an animal print dressing gown, legs crossed and on of them showing to the thigh and talk about how she'd like to shag a guy at work because he's "dangerous" and "everyone likes a bit of danger"?

To be fair she didn't know he was coming around at 8am this morning but is it too much to ask that she bloody gets dressed???

OP posts:
Original poster
tummysgottogo · 06/11/2010 20:14

Thanks Mad and chil. My instinct is that she was flirting. But I don't think she meant anything by it. She just likes to flirt.

OP posts:
grannieonabike · 06/11/2010 20:39

Would you flirt with her new boyfriend? She was flirting - it's not a hanging offence, but it's not a very friendly thing to do.

Maybe you're robust enough or confident enough to put up with this sort of thing and join in her games, but is that the sort of friendship you want?

His reaction is irrelevant here, I think. It's about your relationship with her.

victoriascrumptious · 06/11/2010 22:47

I AM the woman in the animal print.

She has a right to feel comfortable in her own home. Your boyfriend is invading HER space not the other way around.

Get a grip love

Scuttlebutter · 06/11/2010 23:55

Um, I'm just impressed that she was flirting (allegedly) at eight o clock in the MORNING,for heaven's sake. Fastest lesson DH ever learned was not to approach me with anything other than a coffee first thing in the morning - we grunt happily at each other, and all is well. Any thing else, and I turn into a snarling bear.

Am also loving the "I'm a zebra in bed" idea... Grin

onmyfeet · 07/11/2010 00:59

Well, back in the olden days when I had roomies, we wore pj's in front of each others men. It was all very casual. I did have one who seemed to be in heat all the time and an exhibitionist, but I wasn't worried, but annoyed with her. Never mentioned it to her though. However, we didn't shag them! Are you & your roomie in your early 20's?

theevildead2 · 07/11/2010 07:23

Unlike everyone here, I don't think it is about your boyfriend "not being able to control himself". I am sure your boyfriend has seen more in The Sun.

Surely thats not the issue. The issue is some people don't know what is appropriate behaviour. The robe no big deal, but it would never occur to me to discuss who I want to shag cause 'he's dangerous' with my mate's boyfriend.

Because I have some respect for my friends.

TheHeadlessNanBullen · 07/11/2010 08:04

Must admit, I'd definitely feel uncomfortable if it was the other way round and my boyfriends flatmate was swanning around in his boxer shorts. I would also have had a good look though if he was in any way decent looking Blush

disclaimer:The above would only have happened about 15 years ago. Am now a happily married (knackered, 7 months pregnant) and more likely to tell any scantily clad flatmate to put it away, no ones impressed Grin

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 07/11/2010 14:53

She's the kind of girl who has no problem having text sex with men regardless of whether they are in a relationship (she usually has a few on the go). She seems constantly "on heat" - always on the lookout to pick up a man (eg this morning she asked if we could go out next weekend so I could "pimp her out" to random men - it's just a jokey term but she does want to meet someone and shag them). It's not like she doesn't do this every weekend either. She is attractive and she is a good flirter (I've been out with her before and seen it in action) when the situation is right so thats why it bothered me.

OP posts:
northernrock · 07/11/2010 15:03

I agree with theevildead.

YANBU to be uncomfortable with your flatmates behaviour. There is an unspoken code of ethics that dictates you do not flirt with your friends bf's.

And those of you who think it's ok, or would do it yourselves, would do well to ask yourselves what it is that makes you so insecure that you need the validation of men (any man) to make you feel attractive.

She is a toxic friend and you would be better off without her.

scoobytoo · 07/11/2010 16:43

buy her a flannelette dressing gown with full zip and make her wear it......you need to trust your boyfriend I think.

Gay40 · 07/11/2010 16:50

Also, people only get distracted if they wish to be distracted.

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 07/11/2010 16:54

scooby I do trust him. It's not about trusting him - it's about whether it's ok to behave like she did. Surely I'm no the only one who doesn't like it when a woman who flirts with their boyfriend in front of her? Surely there is something a bit off about this?

I think she can't help flirting and she didn't mean any harm, but I don't like her attitude of "well if he's the one with the partner and he likes me, it's not my fault if I get involved - I'm single", which I hear from her in relation to other men (to be fair she doesn't get past text sex with taken men).

I guess I'm just not sure if I trust her

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 07/11/2010 16:54

FFS DH gets more of a come one from the girls at work and doesn't act on it because he is a nice, sensible, commited man (and he knows I would cut off his cock!!) - if you are that bothered about a bit of leg and someone saying they want to shag someone I think you need to see someone about your issues before you lose what looks like a good man.

Bonsoir · 07/11/2010 16:55

It's her home. She can wear what she likes.

theyoungvisiter · 07/11/2010 16:56

She is a "toxic friend"?!!! For wearing a dressing gown in the comfort of her own home and indulging in some (very mild) banter with her flatmate?

Whatever happened to sisterhood?

Good lord - we know NOTHING about the poor girl. We weren't even there. Labelling her a "toxic friend" and advising the OP to dump her on the basis of ONE remark is horrible.

And no I'm not a flirt - quite the reverse. Happily married and never flirt at all.

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 07/11/2010 16:57

Bonsoir yes she can - and I'd change the thread title now after I've considered it a bit. I've worked out that I am just a little suspicious of her. I realise it's not him that I don't trust.

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 07/11/2010 16:57

Besides which, saying that she'd like to shag a man at work is not flirting however you look at it - you don't flirt with someone by announcing that you're sexually interested in someone else. Hmm

DinahRod · 07/11/2010 16:58

or a slanket

grannieonabike · 07/11/2010 17:01

Ime, women who flirt with men who aren't free don't make good friends. And they're certainly no part of the sisterhood I'm in!

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 07/11/2010 17:03

I don't think she is a toxic friend. But she has a different attitude to men (taken or not) and sex to what I have.

I don't think she'd seriously try it on with a friend's boyfriend but I'd be more comfortable if her position
was more unambiguous.

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 07/11/2010 17:11

We have absolutely no idea if she was flirting! She wore a dressing gown that she presumably wears all the time, and made a mild reference to a man at work she fancies - there is a difference.

Flirting is acting a way designed to attract the person you are with so by any stretch of the imagination, telling them that you want to shag another person is poor flirtatious technique. Equally you can act (and dress) entirely chastely and still be flirtatious.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/11/2010 17:25

You obviously don't like her, and you are coming over as a little jealous of her as well.

So drop the friendship for that reason, rather than that you have manufactured a scenario in your head whereby she is trying to shag your boyfriend.

MooMooFarm · 07/11/2010 17:33

YABU - if you don't trust one or the other of them not to jump each other, then you shouldn't be with him/be flatsharing with her (whichever applies!)

northernrock · 07/11/2010 17:37

Oh please. A woman who lounges about in a leopard print robe (gak) and talks about shagging is totally trying to get a man's interest, even if she doesn't really want to shag OP's boyf, she is certainly trying to put certain pictures in his head.

I am single, and have loads of married and partnered friends, and I just would not do that in front of their partners. It's a bit sad really.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 07/11/2010 17:59

I used to live with a girl and her boyfriend. She used to walk about topless and so did I. It wasn't an attempt to get his attention, it was just that the flat was tiny so we both used to use the big mirror in the living room to get dressed and ready for work. I expect he was in his element. We were 20 and it was lovely. We used to bathe together too - the girl and I - boyfriend did not but he used to sit on the toilet sometimes and we'd pass a funny ciggy around and have great chats! Those were the days...

YABU!

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