Ah,,, christmas, pushy in-laws and new baby

[Mammie81]

Im due the first/second week of December.

DP and I decided that if the baby was early, we could probably take him round to our respective families houses in the morning/afternoon without much fuss. Then come home to a dinner cooked by me (its our first xmas in our flat too so I kind of wanted to make it special for us, as well as the new baby)

Even if baby comes on time Im not exactly sure how I'll feel about taking a 2 week old baby out for most of the day when I'll still be getting to grips with breastfeeding.
However, because we cant say for sure if that will happen ie if I need to have a C section/am still in hospital/maybe hes two weeks late and comes on xmas eve etc then of course we cant actually make any exact plans.

His family are having a bit of a moan that he wont be there in the morning to open presents and think that we should come over anyway to visit in the morning (they mean 7-8am of course) because this is their tradition. Of course he could go on his own but I know them, once hes there they wont want him to leave and he cant drive so would need me to get him. Id then get curtailed (even if I was able to drive that is!) and the day would pan out as they wanted. There are no kids in the house, just over 20's not yet moved out, so theres no reason to be up at 7am opening presents like 10 year olds would be doing.

AIBU to think that this year, they should put their tradition away because no one knows what could happen yet? Or even, god forbid, they could visit us?

I think you should be very prepared and able to stick to a plan of staying in and at yours without guests. Their tradition doesn't have to continue just because DH isn't there and IMO it would be a bit crazy for you to have collect him.

They expect their adult son to visit at 7am to open his presents? Best to tell them now that he will NEVER be doing that again. FFS.

Just decide what you want to do at the time and if no one is happy with that, plan to spend the entire day by yourselves. It will pass in a blur anyway and no one who isn't you or DH will really appreciate how knackered you are/how little you care.

TBH, I'd stick to your guns and just say what you're doing. If there's no kids at your DP's family, then there's no reason why they can't wait until later to open presents together if that's their reasoning.

I'd not arrange for them to come to yours as they could stay all day or expect to come even if you've only had the baby the day before.

They want their adult son to come home and open his Christmas presents at 7am? They do realise he's a grown up now don't they?

Tell them what your loans are and stick to them.

Plans, not loans (predictive text - sorry)

Start as you mean to go on...plan for a quite day at home and offer to have THEM at yours for a Christmas supper (M&S packets of cheesy things and bottles of fizz) and they can see DC NEXT year at 7.00m.

Yep. Adult son is expected to open presents at 7am. He hates it himself and only does it because younger siblings drag him out of bed (they are still over 20 though!)

There was also heated discussion about which sibling would put the star on the tree this year...

Oh Im going to do exactly as I want on the day - I just think that them moaning about it is unreasonable considering I dont actually have any control about when the baby comes!

They can keep their tradition, but it just won't include you or your husband this year. I'd just explain to them that you aren't making plans for Christmas day until you have had your baby, but that you will try to see them on the day if you can.

Congratulations on your impending arrival. Don't worry about Christmas Day. There's a Christmas Day every year, but you will only have your first baby once!

They want to see their son, not your new baby at 7am?
Nip in the bud I reckon. Say not this year and mean not ever again.

Hes told them we wont be coming unless I and the baby feel totally up to it (which I know I wont because I'll still be learning to breastfeed) which has prompted the moaning.

He is the eldest and the first boy to move out so I think they are taking it quite hard that the family is moving on and things will change. But honestly, I cant accomodate every random crazy plan they have just to not upset everyone.

Im glad you all agree I will show him this thread in case they try to sway him when Im not around!

YANBU... The traditional format is that when new babies arrive, friends and rellies come to see them, not the other way around. The fact that baby coincides with Christmas doesn't change that. BTW it's for your partner to deal with any moaning, not you.

They should continue in their traditions if they wish to do so, and allow you and your DP to start your own family traditions in your new home.

For me, that would mean you and DP opening your prezzies together at home, whilst they do so at their home, and then exchanging presents whenever you see each other, be it morning or night.

It might be worth pointing out that your DPs parents are having Xmas at THEIR home with THEIR family - not at their parents house; and that you and DP might choose to do the same now you have your OWN family.

I think a lot of parents and in-laws who demand their adult children to spend all Xmas with them, seem to forget that they never go to their own DP/PILs...they just expect the same thing to continue from childhood.

I love my parents, but between nmy divorced parents, and my boyfriend's mother, that is 3 places that we are expected to visit over Xmas, and they are all hours away! We would like a break too, and to spend some time alone together!

My lovely mum and DPs mum are coming for 4 nights over Xmas this year as I am pregnant, innediately followed by my dad and his wife for 2. My mum was suggesting coming a day early, and I had to point out that we have people other than family that we would like to see over Xmas, not to mention a bit of time to ourselves!

I think DPs parents need to realise he is an adult now!

Applauds StayFrosty like a demented seal

Plus you won't be allowed to drive for some time after a c-section (if you have one).....giving you the perfect line to use when they get difficult and giving your DP a good excuse if he can't quite face up to them without one!! Stick to your guns.

Just what I was going to say - nip it in the bud now - MIL needs to realise her little boy is all grown up now with a family of his own - going round at 7am to open presents?

Sod her 'traditions', you are your own family unit now and you can start your own 'traditions' (maybe worry about that more next year when things are a bit more settled!).

Since our children have gotten old enough to not want to leave their lovely shiney new presents for the day, we have spend every Christmas Day at home, which is lovely and relaxing for us and means happy children too. Anyone wanting to 'pop in' is very welcome, obviously, but we don't do any visiting ourselves until Boxing Day.

Good luck with baby!

Good for your DP for telling them. I think you just have to ignore the moaning. At least he is standing up for you which is a good sign.

I'm feeling your pain Mammie... I'm due on 13th Dec (my sodding birthday) but have been told I may have to have a c-section on 25th Nov. Combine the initial date 25.11.10 and the possibility of a natural birth going up to 2 weeks over and I can predict my dates to a one month window!

Then add in 4 sets of parents (my biological family, my adoptive parents, my DH's Mum & SD and DH's Father & SM) two sets of which won't even be in the same room together and it's all a 'mare!

Join me in a rousing chorus of Fuck This, My Way or The Highway. I am allocating windows for people to visit us. The remainder of the time is for DH, me and our PFB.

Good luck - but set out your stall early 'cos this could be how things pan out for your future Christmases unless you dig your heels in.

Ahh, Christmas - the season of goodwill

Do what you want to do and ignore what anyone else says, including your DP. What does he say about the situation? If he's anything like my DH he will try and please everyone and end up pleasing no one so you need to stick to your guns and do what feels right for you and the baby.

Also have you discussed it properly with your MIL or has the discussion just been between her and your DP? I know it sounds like I'm knocking him but again if he's like my DH you might not be getting the full story from her side or he may not have conveyed to her exactly how you feel about it.

Both my DS have birthdays in the week before Christmas and that time of year sends me loopy. Neither my MIL or my mum realised how stressful it was for me though until I told them how I felt and now they wait for us to let them know what we're doing before they make plans for us. Speak to her or both PIL direct and explain how you feel and that you do want to spend time with them but that you need to play it by ear.

Tell them that you're spending christmas day at home and will see them boxing day (if you feel up to it, depending on circumstances).

You have my sympathy, I'm due next week and we've had all kinds of moaning about why I dont want to commit to xmas plans/ visiting etc until the baby is here and I know how i/ we are coping/ sleeping (or not :)) etc. Its our first baby and I refuse to stress myself out dragging her around various peoples houses so they can see her on xmas day

Apparantly I'm selfish and unreasonable and you know what....I dont care! We're doing what suits us and if we spend the day at home in pj's and have take out curry for dinner then so be it!