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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am really upset by this!

111 replies

namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:36

OK so I am getting wed next year. My friend is also getting wed, we live a long way apart but still.
Anyway we have both chosen and booked same date and now she thinks i should change mine.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Coca · 04/11/2010 09:38

How far have you got with venues catering etc?

Anniegetyourgun · 04/11/2010 09:39

Perhaps the decent, friendly thing to do is to both change the date. Or toss a coin.

Chil1234 · 04/11/2010 09:40

If booked means deposits have been paid then you can't change. If it's only a matter of calling a vicar and no money lost then someone could pick a different day. Depends on whether anyone can be bothered. Pity you didn't chat earlier really.

Dracschick · 04/11/2010 09:40

Do you have many mutual friends??

Do you want to change dates?

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:40

Mine is fully paid up, catering sorted, venues booked, everything bought....

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 04/11/2010 09:41

I presume you'd like her to change dates?

Joint wedding a la Home and Away perhaps? Grin

ICantGetMuchSleep · 04/11/2010 09:41

Who booked first? If one of you knew that the other had already booked their date then maybe change. Also, it depends on if you are good friends and also how many mutual friends you have. If clashing dates means people chosing between you, then it might be more practical and less upsetting for one (or both) or you to change.

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:42

No Mutual friends and I don't really want to change the date as I chose it for a reason.

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 04/11/2010 09:42

How good friends are you if you've got to this stage without discovering each others dates?

buttonmoon78 · 04/11/2010 09:44

I'm staggered that if you're this close you didn't know sooner!

Either you both grow up and sort it out or you're both going to have to put up with the fact that you're not going to be able to go to your wedding.

After all, it's about priorities, right?

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:45

This has been going on for a month or so now tbh.
neither want to shift
i have my own reasons.

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 04/11/2010 09:45

Argh. Not your wedding, each others weddings. Blush

buttonmoon78 · 04/11/2010 09:45

Presumably she has hers too though?

Chil1234 · 04/11/2010 09:47

If neither want to shift the date it sounds as though it's a fait accompli. You're not going to her wedding and she can't go to yours. Get together to swap photos after the event and stop making such a big deal out of nothing, perhaps?

Rocketbird · 04/11/2010 09:47

So you don't go to each other's then. Do you have many mutual guests?

anonymousbird · 04/11/2010 09:47

Just stick with your date? What is the big deal?

Sorry - have I missed something??? If you were related and all the same people needed to be at both weddings then clearly there might be a problem, but so what? You've organised it, go ahead, get married!!!

YABU to even see this as an issue.

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:48

I came on here to ask WWYD

I have said it is fine we can still share pics etc get together before and after but she has said no.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 04/11/2010 09:48

She wants you to change - you want her to change.

Why is she unreasonable and you not?

PortoTreasonAndPlot · 04/11/2010 09:49

Well it sounds like you will have to suck it up then. I am guessing your wedding is more important to you than hers is.....

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/11/2010 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoopyLoops · 04/11/2010 09:51

WWID?
I'd just keep things as they are and not go to hers, knowing she wouldn't go to mine.

That's just the way it is.
There will be others who can't go too. Never mind.

Congratulations, and have a lovely day. :)

Chil1234 · 04/11/2010 09:52

"she has said no."

So what you're really saying is that this other person is kicking off because you won't be at her wedding? Sulking? Not wanting to share photos? Demanding you change your dates? If she really wanted you to be there - if you were that important a guest - she'd have asked if you were available before booking .... and vice versa

WWID? I'd carry on as normal and reconsider how good a friend this really is.

squeaver · 04/11/2010 09:52

Why don't you both agree to do something together to celebrate your first anniversaries?

buttonmoon78 · 04/11/2010 09:52

Hang on, you offered to show your pictures etc afterwards and she said no?

How is this person your friend? You both sounds like you're priceless.

Ok, so you wanted to know WWID?

I'd say 'sorry chum, I've chosen my wedding date because it's a special date for me. I'd love to come to yours but will obviously be unable to. Why don't we meet up with our new DHs afterwards and have a post-wedding shindig?'

If she says no, might I respectfully point out that she is not actually your friend?

mistressploppy · 04/11/2010 09:53

What would I do? Meet up, have some wine and try and laugh about it - you are friends after all!

Wedding stress makes people daft, try not to fall out. Point out that you are both in the same boat. Try to find out WHY she thinks you changing is easier than her changing.

You really can't change if you're going to lose money by doing so. Be nice and she'll soon realise she's being unreasonable Smile