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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am really upset by this!

111 replies

namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:36

OK so I am getting wed next year. My friend is also getting wed, we live a long way apart but still.
Anyway we have both chosen and booked same date and now she thinks i should change mine.

WWYD?

OP posts:
mistressploppy · 04/11/2010 09:53

Oh, and YANBU to be upset, that's fair enough. Maybe a bit unreasonable to expect her to change dates though

mamatomany · 04/11/2010 09:54

Oh well if that's the way she wants it then fine, she doesn't seem the type that will be friendly in the future even if you do change the date so fuck her.

SheWillBeLoved · 04/11/2010 09:55

What would I do? I'd have my wedding on the day it is booked on, and let her have hers. Neither of you want to change for whatever reasons, which is fine, so just be honest with each other and say "Look, I'm not swapping. If we spoke more/were closer, we'd have known about this fuck up before it happened, but we don't and aren't, so enjoy your day, I'm sure it'll be beautiful, and I'd hope that afterwards we can get together and share photos etc otherwise we aren't friends at all and so there is no point in even having this conversation." [breathes]

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 09:56

sorry i didn't explain it clearly

I don't expect either of us to change our dates.
unfortunatly its one of those things.
and I think we just need to get on with it iyswim/

OP posts:
booyhoo · 04/11/2010 09:58

what do you mean "WWYD"? you say you don't expect either to change dates so what is tehre to do? just carry on as planned and wish her a lovely day. i don't understand the question, or teh problem.

ICantGetMuchSleep · 04/11/2010 09:58

Sounds like it is her problem rather than yours. Don't change if you are OK with it and tell her that she'll have to change it she can't cope with you not being at her wedding.

anonymousbird · 04/11/2010 10:05

Of course you just need to get on with it! You are right about that.

WWID? Just carry on.

if your "friend' is being an arse, and really is being an utter twat about the whole thing and refuses to talk to you because you won't change your date, then do the same back. Easy peasy, neither talking to the other, no mutual friends involved or affected, then you now have one less friend (who actually, if you hadn't realised really isn't a friend at all).

marriednotdead · 04/11/2010 10:10

It does sound rather bizarre tbh. If both of you are unwilling to change the dates for whatever reason then that simply has to be the end of it.
If she's going to sulk, your friendship will not survive.

We chose our dates (DHs birthday) and then I called my super close sis. She was pre-booked on a group holiday. We had a very grown up 'oh well' type convo, hung up and apparently she then cried as hard as I did. DH immediately suggested changing the date as he understood how important it was for us.

If your friendship is to continue, she needs to think about what really matters to her.

bonfireblue · 04/11/2010 10:11

I'm guessing she's not a close friend? In which case I wouldn't have thought getting married on the same day matters?

When we wanted to book our wedding, I checked the date with family and close friends before confirming with the venue etc.

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 10:39

she has just text me to tell me she has emailed "everyone" and they all think I am selfish and she has said never to talk to her again.

Oh well

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 04/11/2010 10:43

Right.... did you know your friend was bonkers as conkers before this? Or is it just the bridezilla in her? Sounds like you are well rid of the loony.

booyhoo · 04/11/2010 10:44

what age are you all? 5? she told adults not to speak to you because you both wont change your dates? look for friends op, not in a high school.

booyhoo · 04/11/2010 10:44

sorry that should be, 'look for better friends'

Plumm · 04/11/2010 10:46

So you've both booked the same date.

You say, never mind, let's get together are and swap photos, etc.

She says that you have to change your date and if you don't you're selfish and she no longer wants to be friends with you.

Your friend is a loon and you're better off without her.

Plumm · 04/11/2010 10:46

Get together after, not are.

mutable · 04/11/2010 10:47

We had this with 2 sets of friends a few years ago. The weddings were in 2 different countries, and all us friends just had to decide which one we were going to- a bit awkward really, and hard as we couldn't share the day with both sets of friends, but it was fine.

1 set are divorced now though...

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/11/2010 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiddyPickle · 04/11/2010 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlymama · 04/11/2010 10:58

If you have no mutual guests, who is 'everyone'?

Also, people would be able to answer you better if you explained both of your reasons for wanting that date so much.

Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 10:59

Giddy , no friends in common.
I am happy for us to not attend eachothers weddings but to do something after - she is not.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangeneedopinions · 04/11/2010 10:59

Curly, she means the family members of hers that know me as well iyswim?

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 04/11/2010 11:00

Text and e-mail cat-calling? It'll be death by bloody FaceBook next.... How old is everyone in this story? Fifteen?

emptyshell · 04/11/2010 11:00

What would I do? If there's no mutual friends so we're not nicking each other's guest lists - just go along, get married, enjoy the day and then have a post-honeymoon all four of us get together with copious quantities of wine and look at all the photographs together.

Sounds like the pair of you need yer heads banging together to be honest.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/11/2010 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohforfoxsake · 04/11/2010 11:02

Well, if she is no longer talking to you, problem solved.

Look, be the bigger person. Send her a card to say 'sorry you feel like this, I'm sorry this has happened, have a wonderful wedding, I'll be thinking of you' and leave her to it.

People behave like right daft buggers when weddings are involved.