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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or would you be annoyed too?

63 replies

domeafavour · 02/11/2010 20:58

Seriously, please tell me.
DH had to go to Aus to see his mum. She was seeing the specialist about an sinus op. He left on Thursday, missed DS's birthday on Monday, which I was sad about but we had a lovely day. He got back this morning, went straight into work. But now he is out having a few drinks with work. His boss is in town and he feels like he can't say no, but why can't he just go for drinks and not the dinner?
His mum is ok btw. He flew all that way and it seems the specialist said he wanted to see her in 2 months, not 2 weeks, so not all urgent after all! Why couldn't he have just spoken to the specialist?
I'm just a bit annoyed that we seem to be way down on his list. TBH, I'm more upset for DH, who keeps asking for him and seeems a bit sad when he talks about him.
earlier thread here
oh and this one too!

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Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 21:44

no opinions?!!!

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scurryfunge · 02/11/2010 21:47

He did Australia on along weekend?....poor chap must be completely fucked.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 21:50

he's done it before, travels a lot for work, so is kinda used to it.

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scurryfunge · 02/11/2010 21:53

If he is used to it then maybe he doesn't see it as a huge chunk out of his life.

I would be insistent about spending time with family though.

sunnydelight · 02/11/2010 21:53

You let him fly to Aus for a long weekend and didn't suggest he made the most of it by staying a while longer and catching up with family/friends? Sorry but that's the bit that I find totally unreasonable.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 21:56

he doesn't think of flying as a big deal at all
he booked it, he could've gone for as long as he wanted. He's been a couple of times this year.
His mum was here in Sept

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Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 21:57

he's been away for the last 5 weekends, business and pleasure, and the last one with his mum.I just thought he might want to come home to see us, not go out with work

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MimsyRogers · 02/11/2010 21:59

Sorry, haven't read the earlier threads for context but annoying though it is for you, I think if he feels he needs to be on the night out with his boss, then you have to trust his judgement. It's unfortunate that it coincides with him having been away for the weekend, but he can't help that.
There's one person you should be talking to about feeling way down on his list and that's your DH.

FakePlasticTrees · 02/11/2010 22:00

You need to lose your temper.

HowToShoutSoHusbandsWillListen · 02/11/2010 22:02

Hmm Mimsy, ref your last comment. You may have a point but MN would be a very quiet place if we all took that advice Grin

blackeyedsusan · 02/11/2010 22:11

think of it as practise for if that thread(marriage hanging on a thread thread iyswim) breaks somehow it seems to make me feel less peeved when i am grumpy at dh. do try and talk to dh tho too. hope you had a good time on your ds birthday.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 22:16

oh yeah I'll talk to him, seems he is blessing us with his presence tomorrow night.
Sorry, being sarky now.

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Dracschick · 02/11/2010 22:17

Are you made of money??? Grin flying to Aus for the weekend bjesus driving to Great Yarmouth takes a year to get used to for us Wink.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 22:20

not really,we don't have that money sitting around, it was £1200 that went on a credit card. He thought it was justified cos he wanted to see his mum

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LaurieScaryCake · 02/11/2010 22:22

cos he wanted to see his mum that he's seen twice this year Hmm

what about the environment? That's a blardy ridiculous thing to do. And you can't 'afford' it.

Daft as a (basil) brush.

DeementKAAAABOOOOMed · 02/11/2010 22:26

Are you sure he went to Austraila?? For the weekend?? As you do..

Call me cynical if you will, but i'd be checking his passport for a visa/stamp - and i'd be looking for evidence of a dirty weekend away with someone.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 22:28

yes of course I am sure.Grin
I have spoken to his mum, she was very upset and worried and in a lot of pain, she thought it was something serious, that's why he went.

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Hassled · 02/11/2010 22:29

I saw another thread where you seemed completely hacked off that you seem to be very low on your DH's list of priorities and tbh, now you seem even more hacked off. And I don't blame you - he does seem to be especially good at prioritising everything bar you and your DS. I'd be hacked off.

Have you spelt out to him, slowly and clearly, how you're feeling? Do you think he's deliberately avoiding home life or is he just being thoughtless?

And meanwhile, is there anything you can do to make your own life more interesting? Do you have friends, hobbies etc? Because if you're active and busy this might be easier to cope with.

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 22:36

thanks Hassled.
I didn't want to make a fuss because we didn't know how his mum was. I have told him recently that I am lonely. He gets it, and he apologises a lot, but nothing changes.
He said he felt guilty a lot about this trip, DS's birthday etc, me starting work.

I am starting a new job on Thursday, so that will keep me busy. would like him to be here, because I am starting to get a little bit nervous!

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Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 23:30

Oh dear, here's the conversation
"i'm so upset about mum, she's all I've got."
"She's not all you've got, you've got me and ds"
somehow he took offence to this, and has now stormed off, mumbling "yeah you've got siblings, we all know that"

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verytellytubby · 02/11/2010 23:35

He went to Oz for the weekend. I'm more shocked about that than anything else. I'd love his airmiles!

ChippingIn · 02/11/2010 23:38

Domeafavour - you can look at it both ways and if this was your only thread I would be suggesting that what he actually meant was 'she is all I have from my 'birth' family' (not all I have in the world), but your DH has form! I would be seriously fucked off with him.

LittleMissHissingFirecracker · 02/11/2010 23:44

OK so he is behaving rashly.

His mother is being a little dramatic, has DH not heard of SKYPE?

£1200 on a credit card for a weekend to Oz is just stupid.

that is money you just don't have.

YANBU on any of that.

BUT, your reaction is clingy (understandable) but it's not going to get him to change, merely defend his position and entrench.

There is something going on with him that you are not picking up on.

Is he threatened by you going back to work/starting new job?

Is he hitting a big birthday?

Is there any other part of his behaviour that is a little off?

Original poster
domeafavour · 02/11/2010 23:52

Oh firecracker, his behaviour is so off the wall, he knows it. It's mainly stress from work. Tbh, I think he is close to a breakdown. He works stupid hours, cannot slow down or switch off from work.
Can you just explain why you think I am being clingy. I have tried to be supportive and not given him a hard time at all.

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FunkyCherry · 03/11/2010 00:00

Why on Earth would he go all the way to Oz just because she had an appointment with a specialist????
My mother might get a 'How did it go?' text from me.
I can understand if she was having the operation and scared.

Does he look for opportunities to stay away from home?