or would you be annoyed too?

[domeafavour]

Seriously, please tell me.
DH had to go to Aus to see his mum. She was seeing the specialist about an sinus op. He left on Thursday, missed DS's birthday on Monday, which I was sad about but we had a lovely day. He got back this morning, went straight into work. But now he is out having a few drinks with work. His boss is in town and he feels like he can't say no, but why can't he just go for drinks and not the dinner?
His mum is ok btw. He flew all that way and it seems the specialist said he wanted to see her in 2 months, not 2 weeks, so not all urgent after all! Why couldn't he have just spoken to the specialist?
I'm just a bit annoyed that we seem to be way down on his list. TBH, I'm more upset for DH, who keeps asking for him and seeems a bit sad when he talks about him.
earlier thread here
oh and this one too!

Yes it is ugly. The tricky thing is he is moving in a world where how he is is normalised thats the problem. Even I fell into it abit - but I was childfree and DH was doing the same job. It was only when we left it behind that we appreciated how fucked up that life is its really warped. You have to be a strong person to buck a trend and not emulate your peers and you have to want to do it. My fear is that like LittleMissHissy said the only thing that will bring him up short is some short of shock possibly health related or drastic like losing his job.

It does make sense now you say he works in the city. It IS a totally different mentality to the rest of the UK!
Great fun at times, but impossible to sustain and personally I think its best suited to the young, free and single.

In some ways, I think its a good thing. You've identified what it is and know its nothing more sinister.

Does his firm have a gym/lifestyle coach? I think they're very used to helping people avoid burnout.

Thank you. I started my new job today and he has been very supportive, even came home early from work and we took ds out and had a lovely time. He seems a lot calmer all of sudden. Says he doesn't care about work anymore. We'll see what happens. Big weekend for our little boy, so will see how things are next week, hopefully things will settle down, and we will get used to our new routine. I have tried to get him to go for counselling, he did speak to someone from his work. Will maybe get him to talk to them again.

Says he doesn't care about work anymore?

Just like that?

What WAS said at his meeting with his bosses?

Has he still GOT the job?

If of the above is OK and nothing to worry about, encourage his family time, give him lots of reassurance, praise him and reward him as you see fit. Make it worth his while to engage with the family.

Good luck domeafavour!

Yeah Hissy, will see how long it lasts!
I think he has realised that he will not be rewarded, he had his bonus letter and it wasn't good, even though he is supposedly one if the bright stars.
He does seem a lot calmer and has hardly mentioned work.
Haven't seen him looking for a new job yet though! But at his level a lot if it is word of mouth.

well there is your window of opportunity, get him to cool down, to slow down and have some lovely fun time with you and the DC!

fab news for you all!

Hmm. I have read all your threads and what comes across to me (as an outsider) is the two of you in a vicious circle of him doing his own stuff and you whining. You do seem a bit reluctant to make any of your own entertainment - but maybe you have been ground down by a long time of him ignoring you, or treating you like a household appliance?
You could try putting your energy into finding adult company and entertainment for yourself, and being calm and cheerful each time he says he's off on some other Man Trip or back to see his mummy. That will help if he is disengaging from you as you will have the basics of a good life for yourself in place when he does go. And if he;s just being thoughtless, it will make him worry a bit that you seem inclined to manage without him.

I would be completely making a stand within the relationship.

Just because his family is so far away doesn't mean he has entitlement to visit them with no regard to your family or finances.

Either he is in or out.

Does he ever really engage with you these days ?

What happens on holidays ?

I have big problems with my sinuses. I have had 4 operations on them now and probably need another one...

But I wouldn't expect anyone to come from the next TOWN never mind half way round the world....

They make me really ill, but the operation needs 1 overnight stay in hospital - its a minor thing in the scheme of it...

Does he always comepletely over-react to something wrong with his mother. Does she have absolutely noone - friends, family, care workers over in Australia...

Thanks
sgb, I have never whinged at him, if anything I am way too accomodating. I don't whinge when he goes out with work, or even if he goes away with the boys. I know that most women wouldn't stand for it.: I seem to save all the whingeing for mn!
He doesn't ignore me at all, he calls me 6 times a day, has to tell me everything, we do talk a lot and discuss how we are, how we are feeling etc, we go out occassionally, more recently.I just told him recently that I was lonely,is that a crime? I was sitting at home 4 nights out of 5, he would be working late, and them he was away so much.
I can't really plan anything for myself cos most if the time I am expecting him home and then he gets delayed. I always plan things for when he away on business trips, I don't just sit here twiddling my thumbs pining for him! I'm actually extremely independent and mainly just get on with everything with zero fuss.
Things have been coming to a head recently, so that's Why I told him I was fed up and lonely.

Cumfy - holidays are stressful, we have some lovely times, but there's only so long he can spend with ds before he gets worked up about something, usually his behaviour at lunch/dinner. He cannot deal with tantrums or any slightly naughty behaviour. We had a couple if days away by ourselves in jan and a childfree wedding weekend in July. We had great fun both times. No hassle, stress, just fun.

Bathsheba he is a bit sensitive about his mum, tbh I think this time he felt guilty, because she was really upset and she is usually very strong.She has no family, a fair few friends. She's 74, and quite good for her age.