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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit cross that dh has to have holiday when nobody else is at home?

32 replies

mitochondria · 02/11/2010 19:19

Husband's holiday entitlement is Jan-Jan.
He came home today saying that he has 9 days to use up, and has had to book 6 of them while the boys and I are at school as colleagues have already booked most of the school hols. They get between Christmas and New Year off anyway as the office is closed.

Then he sulked at me when I suggested that this was poor planning.

Or am I just jealous? (I very rarely get a day off "to myself", being a teacher).

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 02/11/2010 19:22

YANBU

I'd be writing him a nice big long list of jobs to do...

tile kitchen
fix downstairs loo
sort out glosswork on bedroom door

etc etc

scurryfunge · 02/11/2010 19:22

Just hand him the christmas shopping list and smile.

onceamai · 02/11/2010 19:23

Well I've done exactly what your husband has done and it has done me the world of good. I'm sure he doesn't get as much holiday as you and I know it's not the same because you always have the dc. But could a compromise be that perhaps he his three days during a holiday period and you get to go off and do what you want to do or he takes the dc out and leaves you at home to potter independently? YANBU but I can see his point and sometimes it's really hard to ask for holiday in the corporate world.

PrettyCandles · 02/11/2010 19:24

It is poor planning, but soemtimes these things happen. And of course you're jealous!

Set him a man-task. Is there a room needs repainting/shelves need fixing/the garden dug over for winter?

belgo · 02/11/2010 19:24

Good for him. Everyone needs time to themselves.

Give him a long list of DIY/housework chores Smile

Ormirian · 02/11/2010 19:28

Let him enjoy them. IME there isn't that much flexibility with holidays as I know to my cost Hmm. I had real trouble booking a holiday last year because I had to squeeze my leave in between everyone else's. And as for christmas.....

Could you book the DC into a holiday club next school holidays?

TubbyDuffs · 02/11/2010 19:30

Next year, plan his holidays well in advance!

SixtyFootDoll · 02/11/2010 19:32

YABU
I work shifs and am curently bottom of the leave list which means I cant get any school holidays off. Would rather not be off at all.

scottishmummy · 02/11/2010 19:36

plan with accrued leave,rather than be compelled to take it

FakePlasticTrees · 02/11/2010 19:40

Right, get the school holiday lists, start going through the holidays for next year and give him details so he can go in on 4th January with details of every day he wants off.

DH has had similar issues - yet again he's having a week off in November because he's not used his holiday allowance for the year. At least I'm at home on mat leave, but we've said for next year he's got to be more organised.

wb · 02/11/2010 19:47

YANBU My dh was like this (except he then didn't take the unused leave up). Now over each Xmas holiday we agree what he will take off and he books it in Jan.

Plumm · 02/11/2010 20:04

YABU. Let him enjoy his time off.

RandyRussian · 02/11/2010 20:23

Sometimes these things happen so yes YABU.

How much annual leave does he get compared to you anyway?

Besides as a teacher you're probably entitled to full sick pay for the first 30 days off sick so couldn't you throw a sickie to coincide with his holiday?

jamaisjedors · 02/11/2010 20:26

Shock at Randy...

But that's probably what you wanted isn't it?

lola0109 · 02/11/2010 20:28

My partner has just done something similar.

I start back work tomorrow (one day a week till after new year) and DD's in nursery.

DP works 6 days a week but most days are bank aide nursing shifts so can choose his days. His day off this week is tomorrow! Angry

I know he works hard so I'm giving him till 11am for a lie in and doing as another poster says and giving him a list of things that need doing! :)

So I am Hmm at 1 day never mind 6 days so obviously I think YANBU :)

theywillgrowup · 02/11/2010 21:33

YABU

if that was a female that had made those dates or was going away without the family for say a girly spa weekend we would all be saying "yes go have a great time" and rightly so

so let him have his time ,great amunition in the future

Original poster
mitochondria · 02/11/2010 22:28

Laughing at the idea of "throwing a sickie"

Don't worry, a list of jobs will be forthcoming.

I'm just a bit disappointed that he has so much time left, and could have had another week off to spend with the family in the summer. If he wasn't so bloody disorganised.

Yes, I have much more holiday than he does, as he has a normal job. I wouldn't put the boys into holiday club, as I do enjoy spending time with them when we're all on holiday. Just seems a bit of a waste for husband to be sat at home playing computer games without the rest of us. I wouldn't begrudge him a couple - but six?

Good idea about making him plan ahead for next year. I'll try. He'll need to take a few for when the boys' INSET days don't coincide with mine, anyway.

OP posts:
SE13Mummy · 02/11/2010 22:59

Presumably he'll be getting the boys up and walking them to school on his days off work? He'll then be around to collect them, take them to the park, help with homework, have friends home for tea and get the 'to do' list done.

Oh, and if you 'accidentally' take the power cable to the computer to school with your APP file/planning/other important documents that can hide cables when placed on top of them in a bag he won't be able to play computer gamesGrin.

scottishmummy · 02/11/2010 23:04

behave! if a man said he'd hide mn from dp on her al or set her list of tasks folk here would go apoplectic

i could hear rattle tattles of
abuser
controlling
kick him in clackers

if woman posted im on AL kids and dh at school.people would say how wonderful,eat chocolate put feet up,do mn

Original poster
mitochondria · 03/11/2010 07:28

Thing is, scottishmummy, if I do have a day off he doesn't need to hide mn from me, as I tend to spend the day planning lessons and cleaning the house anyway.

He takes boys to school anyway, as he works around school hours (because I can't).

I'm not really complaining about the computer games. I'm complaining that we could have had another week on the beach in the summer!

OP posts:
Rocketbird · 03/11/2010 07:45

Does he have to use them up? In every place I've worked you can carry over a certain number (actually I think it is 9 days). Even if he uses up some of them now could he save five for a week off next year?

VivaLeBeaver · 03/11/2010 07:48

I think this is quite common. I'm currently on a/l this week for no reason apart from I need to use my a/l up. I can't get time off in the holidays either.

VinegarTits · 03/11/2010 07:56

YABU i am assuming he has worked most of the summer while you havent?

maybe he didnt want another week on the beach, men are allowed to have time to themselves too you know

Original poster
mitochondria · 03/11/2010 16:28

Rocketbird, yes he does have to use them up.
VinegarTits - Yes, I had six weeks off in the summer. So did my children!

OP posts:
LunarSea · 03/11/2010 16:46

I'll be taking holiday in November and December when the boys are at school (again) because my lot have a habit of coming up with crises which mean it has to be cancelled even when I book it for the holidays. I had all last week booked off - they cancelled 2 days completely, and I ended up working half days on two of the others. So only 1 full day off out of 5. This happens every time I book time off and am not away (and often if I am away but within mobile phone/email range) - so I always end up with the use it or lose it ultimatum.

At leat it means I'll get the Christmas shopping done, and presents wrapped, because dh doesn't really DO Christmas.