to want to put my 14 week old into his own room?

[Heathcliffscathy]

such such a bad idea putting it into this topic but hey, i'm a fly by the seat of your pants type girl...

He is sleeping pretty much through: bad night wakes for feed between 4am and 6am. good night does 7 til 7. hasn't been gina'd. i just feed him as much as he wants during day and try to shush him if i can at night (never let him freak out, feed him if he really wants it). he is very big for his age: 16lb and counting at nearly 14 weeks.

I'm thinking if he carries on this sleeping through thing (under no illusions that i'm out of the woods yet in this respect) I'd like to move him across the landing to his own room. but sids advice says no now.

he naps in his room for up to 3 hours at lunchtime. what is the difference?

so am i being unreasonable?

I don't understand why people ask a question then get arsy when someone disagrees. did you just hope everyone would say go for it?

anyway have you got pets? would they be able to get to the baby if you left it's door open?

Go with what you feel is right - your gut instinct. Guidelines seem to change so often, it must be confusing!! I personally would put the baby in his own room - but then I put mine in their own rooms from a week old (this was back in the day)

You'll do what you're going to do but it wouldn't be for me. As Pocketsocks said, despite the science being potentially iffy, if anything happened it would be another stick to beat yourself with, as irrational as that might be.

SIDS peaks at 3 months. So, it rises uo to the peak before that, and goes down afterwards, and at 6 months it is believed to be negligible enough to move baby into his/her own room. By 8 months it is thigh to be almost non-existent.

The recommendation is to keep baby in with you, so that it can hear YOU breathe, not the other way around.

During the day and in the evening, there is usually enough going on that the baby never falls into a truly deep sleep. People talking, the TV or radio on, people moving around, having dinner, doing housework, etc, etc.

I will never understand why they provide guidelines, but don't bother to be explicit about why they are the way they are. The misconception surrounding this, i.e. that baby needs to be able to hear you instead of (the incorrect) you hearing the baby is a case in point.

Sorry for bloody typos!

If the main rationale for having children sleeping in the same room as parents is that an environment with noise creates an atmosphere where they do not fall asleep too deeply.... then surely, the compromise answer for those of us who find a baby in their room disturbs our sleep too much, is to create some background noise in the nursery? A CD or a radio playing, for example.

I moved dd into her own room at 8 weeks. So I say YANBU.

YABU to ask here on mumsnet though if you wanted the answer to be 'yes'.

Also these kind of questions around the guidelines from intelligent girls kind of annoy me. If you know the risks but want to do your own thing then it is your baby so you can do it. Ultimately noone else can decide but you.

If you really can't sleep with the baby in your room and it is imparing the quality of your parenting during the day you could buy a breathing monitor like the respisense www.respisense.co.uk/?gclid=CP-9_5zVgaUCFU824wodGhxwQA

Weird....

You know the advice

You're still asking

I'm sure losing a child to SIDS is bad enough but I would imagine it's much worse knowing you could be to blame.

TheEvilDead2 - I think its because those people are hoping to offload any guilt onto those that agree with them and encourage them.

If people disagree then the guilt isn't going anywhere.

To the op, having a nephew die of SIDS means I will never go against any of the advice about SIDS. Better to be safe than sorry.

Chil - not being an expert, I'd assume that would be an OK compromise. :)

For what it's worth I think the guide lines are there for a reason. Yes I'm envious that your baby sleeps through as DS2 is 7 months and nowhere near this.

DS2 is therefore still in our room, he cosleeps and isn't put away from us for naps!

People who whine that 'guidelines are always changing' miss the point that research moves on and we can only do our best with the information we have at that time.

Which afterall is what we say to our mil's when they say how differently things were done in theirday!

It's entirely up to you and I don't really understand what answers you are looking for since you got the arse when the guidelines were cited.

For what it's worth, I have read a lot of the research on SIDS and what I read led to me following the guidelines with my son, and I will do so with any future child. There are a lot of websites out there with links to whole lists of research. A bit of a search will give you the facts (as far as we know them to be) without the arguments that come with posting in AIBU.

BitofFun - re the Amby. We used one and loved it. The safety questions gave us a bit of a moment, but if you check, I think you will see that the two deaths were due to misuse - I seem to remember one of the cases involving it being hung incorrectly from a hook in a laundry room or something bizarre.

no i would not ,my ds2 was in my room for well over a year

I put my DD in her own room at 12 weeks because we constantly kept waking each other up (I have a very squeeky bed). The doors to our rooms open next to each other so I could hear her snoring breathing, and we both slept really well.

My Mum left me down the corridor in my own room from Birth, with the doors shut, my MIL put both her DS to sleep on their fronts on padded quilts, and I always had to battle her to not do that with my DD (Both my SiL DC were put to sleep on their fronts). There are many things that parents do that go against guidelines (although they change so bloomin' much I don't know how people keep up!)

Guidelines are there as a guide, with my DD I do what I feel is right for her (like being the devil by weaning her before she was 6 months...) If I had another one I might do things differently, or exactly the same

flame me if you want but I put dd now 6 in her own room at 2 weeks and ds at 3 weeks. Door open .. just accross the hall and no issues> Everyone slept better

I agree with shineon, it's your baby and the risks are minimal, less than 300 babies died last year from SIDS (still a tragedy I know), but it's a tiny number:

fsid.org.uk/Document.Doc?id=97

FWIW we have our DD still in with us at 5 months, but I wouldn't judge anyone else for moving their baby into their own room. Life is about balancing risks, not focusing on one small one to the detriment of everything else.

The only thing I would say is that your baby is likely to go through the 4 month sleep regression soon, so I'd probably not move him til after that passes!!

I don't know why anyone would flame you irishqueen, but I don't understand why you would. Surely that meant you had further to travel for night wakings?

I am thinking about moving DS into the nursery (adjacent room and have a motion sensor in the cot) soon because he is about to outgrow his Moses basket at 10 weeks (he is 99.6th percentile for length) and we don't have room in the bedroom for the cot.
I have no problem with keeping him in my room for longer, but he has outgrown his basket! Given co-sleeping is also frowned upon in the WHO guidelines for preventing SIDS does anyone have any practical solutions around this problem?

I think the current advice is for all sleep to take place in the same room as a parent e.g. lunchtime nap in a moses basket in the living room.

This has changed since I had DS1 and I remember that around 10 weeks I started putting him in his own room for daytime naps because otherwise he was too nosey to sleep.

I'm now expecting DS2 and not sure how this is going to be workable with DS1 running around tbh.

I seem to remember from a previous thread on this subject that the sleeping in the same room was the least of the risk factors associated with SIDS but still a factor. Don't quote me though - but it might be worth looking into the research a little more before making your decision. I'm sure the FSID helpline could give you more information.

I remember agonising over the night time sleep location with DS1. We had returned from a longish overseas trip when he was 5 months and a week old and we all had terrible jetlag so I wanted to sort the jetlag and sleeping in his own room at the same time rather than him go through two adjustments so I did move him a bit early. Our bedroom was so close to his that I could hear him breathing anyway and vice versa! I don't think I would have wanted to do it at 4 months personally because of that being when the risk is highest.

i did get arsey about a post that implied that it wouldn't matter to me if my baby died!!! 'easy come easy go'.

wouldn't you?

thank you those of you that have replied with more detail on the guidelines that is what I was after. What i really want to know if how many babies have died in their own room with none of the other factors present.

ds isn't moving any time soon, he woke to feed every hour and half last night (here comes another growth spurt!).

he is napping upstairs in his room right now though.

I don't for a second believe in the sanctity of guidelines or medical advice (it changes often, with an acknowledgement that the previous ones were in fact iatrogenic). however, until ds is really sleeping through every night, life is easier with him in a cot by our bed so that's where he'll stay.

thanks to all the intelligent posters whether they agreed with me or not. :)

Just do it, my DD went into her own room at 3 months or so, after sleeping in a carry cot next to our bed - presumably you will have both bedroom doors open?

I have a mothercare book from 1990, when my DD was born - the advice was to never sleep a baby on it's back .
DD would only sleep on her back so I spent a few weeks in abject terror trying to keep her on her side with a rolled up towel behind her - she always managed to wriggle onto her back with her arms above her head - she still sleeps that way now, 20 years later.
All this co-sleeing malarky is just bonkers imho.

sophable - go with your instincts. Put child (when you feel he is ready) in his own room.

I didn't know the guidelines but knew I would be less likely to throw my babies (twins) out the window if I got some sleep. That's why they always slept in their own room. For naps and night-time. My mother did the same with 6 babies (singletons).