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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to put my 14 week old into his own room?

94 replies

Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:16

such such a bad idea putting it into this topic but hey, i'm a fly by the seat of your pants type girl...

He is sleeping pretty much through: bad night wakes for feed between 4am and 6am. good night does 7 til 7. hasn't been gina'd. i just feed him as much as he wants during day and try to shush him if i can at night (never let him freak out, feed him if he really wants it). he is very big for his age: 16lb and counting at nearly 14 weeks.

I'm thinking if he carries on this sleeping through thing (under no illusions that i'm out of the woods yet in this respect) I'd like to move him across the landing to his own room. but sids advice says no now.

he naps in his room for up to 3 hours at lunchtime. what is the difference?

so am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:42

please don't hun me bitof i might faint with disgust :o

it's funny, once someone has said: you mustn't do it no matter what your instincts/common sense (vis 6 hours up there on his own early evening) it's hard to do anything else.

OP posts:
Pocketsocks · 01/11/2010 23:43

Personally I often feel like the some of the guidelines are full of holes but I don't know if I would be able to bring myself to go against any of them, if something were to happen, knowing I ignored the risk would be too much for me, but I think its all down to personal choice, some people and their babies get along so much better when they have their own space and no harm is done. It depends where you're willing to draw lines I guess.

Pedometer · 01/11/2010 23:44

And yes I did lie down with her every evening for at least an hour.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:44

it was SO harsh.

I don't want to move him on. I'm just wondering about moving him about 3 metres away!

he is a longed for second ds (big gap did you notice) and the light of my world alongside his brother.

I had no idea that this thread would put my love for him in question but there you go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:44

and then what happened after the hour ped? was she alone then? and why was that ok?

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 01/11/2010 23:44

It does seem as though the nights are going pretty well as they are.

Valpollicella · 01/11/2010 23:45

I don't think Sophable is urging him to move on, but just looking for sleep solutions that may work for her and her family, Pedometer

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:47

guidelines are funny aren't they, i'm thinking of the alcohol ones. despite no evidence that moderate alcohol consumption is harmful they've banned it during pregnancy because the lowest common denominator (so they think) can only do on/off.

I wonder what the actual evidence for this guideline is?

co-sleeping reduces the risk of cotdeath to almost zero in japan, but because we don't sleep on futons alongside each other the guidelines say don't do it in case you're pissed and roll on top of your baby...bit of a nonsense guideline in that respect.

and i have form on not listening to guidelines as i co-slept with both ds's for the first few weeks (kind of goes against the callous wanting to move on mother picture hey?)

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 01/11/2010 23:47

Well that's great for you Pedometer...but not sure where the OP asked about laying with her child etc

Not sure what the relevance of that point was?

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2010 23:49

it's alright val. and ped has said her post was harsh. and i'm thicker skinned then that. and clearly asking for it by posting in AIBU (did so cause wanted lots of responses).

but i do want some more sophisticated answers than 'because you're told to'.

this thread is making me worry about him upstairs [ridiculous]

OP posts:
mamatomany · 01/11/2010 23:52

I don't know why the advice is 6 months but for me, if they say 6 months I'll believe them I have no reason not to and it's such a short period of time.
My baby sleeps on my chest snorting all night like a pig looking for truffles, wouldn't have it any other way.

Pocketsocks · 01/11/2010 23:53

One guideline that confused me was about not co sleeping if you are a smoker, apprently you will breath out toxic fumes that will impair breathing, which is fair play but it did make me wonder if that meant that anyone I knew to be a smoker was no longer allowed to hold my DS in case they breathed too close and spread toxins. I actually had a brief panic about that one.

Valpollicella · 01/11/2010 23:55

Pocket, it's more to do with the retained toxins, which are stored and released long long long after having a cig - it's how they can with a detector at the docs if you have smoked as even if you have smoked in the prev 24 hours, there will still be traces

Pocketsocks · 02/11/2010 00:02

Ah I see the logic, so more of a prolonged close quarters danger, I imagine.

Therin lies the problem, I suppose, people needing to make informed desisions about if they are willing to take risks without full information.
e.g sleeping on back Vs belly, which could seem like a harmless risk to take if only listed as a bullet point on a sheet.

ForMashGetSmash · 02/11/2010 00:12

I think the basic advice ha come from comparing SIDS cases with parents who slept in the same room as babies under 6 months...I am not trying to scare people.but its all stat based isn't it? So more SIDS cases have statistically occurred among babies who sleep alone under 6 months.

It's all about reducing risks. Horrible thing to have to talk about and so sensitive...could you and your DP or DH take it in turns to sleep in another room Sophable? Then you each get one undisturbed night.

BagofHolly · 02/11/2010 00:24

My DS is a snorter and I'm a v light sleeper. I got some cheap sponge ear plugs and they blocked out his snorting enough to let me sleep but I still heard him if he actually woke up. It took me a few weeks to work out this was a way forward and meant I got proper sleep without compromising any guidelines. He slept either in an Amby Nest or in his carrycot, on the bed. (it's a big bed.)
Maybe this could work for you?

lancaster · 02/11/2010 00:24

I haven't looked at the stats for a while but my recollection is that putting baby in their own room before 6 months doubles SIDs risk. Agree about not following all guidelines without question though - like you say co-sleeping is very safe so long as don't smoke and not had more than 2 units alcohol.

musicmadness · 02/11/2010 00:26

if you are waking him up and vice versa then I would move him TBH. The SIDS risk is slightly increased I think but it is still a very tiny risk and I would think there is a much greater risk from you being over tired through lack of sleep! A well rested mother is better than one that is half asleep while trying to carry the baby up the stairs etc.

providentielle · 02/11/2010 00:35

Skimmed this thread but don't think this explanation has been given yet.

I may not be 100% on specifics but I think the guidlines are there because it's believed that small babies can sometimes forget to breathe and that being in the same room as the parents helps the baby to regulate his/her breathing with theirs and also that the small noises/movements etc of having someone else sleep in the room also aid this.

I think that this is more relevant for nighttime as opposed to naps because this is when they have the deeper sleep.

BitOfFun · 02/11/2010 00:47

But babies still go down to sleep a few hours before their parents, generally, and BagOfHolly, the Ambi-thingy has had its own issues with safety, from what I've seen on here.

All things considered, I still think it's a case of using your common sense.

BagofHolly · 02/11/2010 01:14

I kept him with me at all times as per SIDS guidelines so he was in the Amby downstairs and the carrycot upstairs when I went to bed. I don't want to derail the thread but I haven't read any danger -related stuff about the Amby when used correctly.

CountryDweller · 02/11/2010 01:25

I have 3 children, 21, 19 and a 2 year old.
The guidelines for each of them were different where sleeping was concerned.
DD1 lie her on her front. DD2 lie her on her side, and Ds1 lie him on his back, have the cot in your room, put them in a seperate room, do co-sleep, don't co-sleep, do this, don't do that.
Ultimately the decision is yours, as your the ones who live your lives.
Guidelines change every few years from my experience and there is no right way and no wrong way, only guidelines. Whether it is your one and only child or 2,3,4 or 5th etc child you do what is right for your child and yourself.

MrsCrafty · 02/11/2010 01:26

Soph you will not remember me but we had many convos.

If you think it's right do it. I did and as a result of this was a much happier parent.

Congratulations on your Newbie too.

xx

GothAnneGeddes · 02/11/2010 04:05

I did this too. DD was a very noisy sleeper and I could not fall asleep listening to her. I think she was much younger then 14 weeks too.

Chil1234 · 02/11/2010 05:50

YANBU Assuming you live in a normal-size house where bedroom doors are close together and not some castle with distant wings and walls made of foot-thick stone... you're fine. As a new mum your night-time hearing is very acute and you will hear your baby if they wake up/cough/sneeze/wail, no problem.