AIBU or is my mum?

[cheekster]

I am pg with DS2 and although we have told everyone we are expecting another DS we have told everyone that we wont be telling them what DS2 will be called until he is born.

Well, the other week I ordered the letters for DS's name to display in his nursery and they arrived at my mums address by mistake due to me having things delivered to my mums address in previous years - the catalogues fault - not mine.

Well my mum opened the package. She said that she initially thought that it was something she had ordered (even though it was clearly in my name - a different surname), but she then continued to open the individual boxes to find out the letters and ultimately find out the name of DS2.

I could maybe see it was a mistake opening the package, but once she opened it, it was obvious from what is written on the outside of the boxes "Large Wall Letter" what was inside, but yet she cut the film and opened them - and smugly told me what DS is going to be called.

I am so so cross, I told her how I felt and that I think she should repect our wishes, but she can see no wrong and her and my sister think IABU for being so cross and upset. They just keep saying "Its only a name!"

So am I being hormonal and unreasonable or is mum?

YABU not to have checked the delivery address more carefully, but YANBU to be cross at your mum for clearly opening something that wasn't hers.

I had post go to my mums, parcels too as Dad is retired so usually in, but they never open them or even question what it is/ they are.

YANBU - she shouldn't have opened someone else's post, that was clearly not for her.

Can you reorganise the letters into something else and say it's that?

Or order another package of different letters (throwing in a few Xs and Zs) to really confuse her?

I don't personally understand why you feel so strongly about the name. Surely far better to have said things like "oh, we haven't decided on a name yet" than to let people know you had, but you weren't telling?

However, she was 100% in the wrong for opening something that was clearly not for her. The fact that she now knows the name is not even what's so awful about it! She knew that it meant a lot to you. She didn't need to understand why, or agree with it. She just needed to respect it. And she didn't. So she didn't respect you.

Tell her you are so pissed off with her, you have decided to change the name now! That'll piss her off.

YABU - but you are hormonal and probably heavily pregnant so it's the only time you're allowed to do so.

It's your DS's name - and she is your mum (and grandmother to your unborn DS). Unless she said anything bad about the name I'd let it go, and just ask her not to tell anyone else.

Oh and order sex toys in your name delivered to her house - that'll stop her opening your post in future ;)

We never actually said that we had already chosen the name, we said we have a few names in mind but if / when we do, we will be keeping it quiet until he is born.

I like that idea, telling her that we are going to change the name now that she knows - TBH I was thinking of doing that as it has made me so cross, but I really love the name

YANBU to be cross at her for opening your post and being so nosy. But YABU to have told her that you have decided what to call your DC but that you are not telling her (so ner ner ner ner ner)

You'll have to call him a different name now, you realise. I mean, have to, seriously.

(Displaying baby's name in large letters in the nursery seems peculiar to me, never heard of that, but then I am ever so old.)

Why did the catalogue company send things to your Mums address? Did you not advise them of your addresss? In any case why does it matter - your mum would find out anyway - why such the big deal?

Sorry I don't get why she opened your post - I have been left home over 25 years, but very rarely junk mail in both my maiden and married name goes home (I used parents address for short period when we were in temp hospital accomm awaiting house sale (hosp accom not great for mail) Mum never opens my post. I don't open my OH's post - or the choldren's for that matter

YANBU

YABU. Get over yourself. She's your mum! Let it go, changing the name or pretending you will seems really petty, hormones or no.

She should not have opened your mail, even if it did go to her address.

"The Postal Services Act 2000 is clear that an offence is created if anyone intentionally delays the post or intentionally opens a mail bag. The Act goes on to say: "A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

I think your mum may well have opened the outer box by mistake, but once she realised her new grandchilds name was in the box she continued, she did that to your "detriment", so you could actually say that she broke the law.

Personally I would tell her that you are changing the baby's name, you had happily told everyone that the baby was going to be a boy but wanted to keep one small surprise for when the baby was born and that was the name. I would tell her this and tell her that she had taken the announcement away from you and ask her how she would have felt in your place. I would also tell her that I no longer felt I could trust her if she would be willing to open my mail.

Does she have any private info that you have kept quiet about??

Raging piles??? Previous life as a lap dancer?? go ahead spill the beans, see how she likes it.

Good plan washing basket monster!!!!

she shouldnt have opened post that wasnt adress to her but imo its your fault it was sent there not hers.

yabu its her grandchild!!!

my mum told everyone ds2 was called a name we'd chosen for him before he was born,but when he was actually here he didnt look like the name we'd chosen(first name we kept but changed mn)so she had to tell everyone his real name was funny

YANBU.

It's not about the name being found out, although I can see that that would be upsetting as you had decided to keep that between you and your DH. It's about her lack of respect for your post, your wishes, your DH's wishes and your privacy.

I'd be upset too.

Tell her that you have changed the name because of her lack of respect, and let her know that she has spoiled something special for you.

Then if you still want to use the name, let her know when the baby is born, you will forget all about the whole thing then anyway.

Poor you, YANBU. To make it worse has she also told other people the name? I'd be furious.

YANBU. She clearly knew what she was doing after she started to open it and went ahead knowing it would upset you. She hasn't respected your privacy or your wishes. To me that is more important than the particular thing she has found out.

I would be very cross. But I'm not sure what you can do other than rise above it and move on.

Hang on, maybe say you've had another scan done and it may now be a girl.

YANBU - Serious lack of recognition of boundaries by your mother here!

Firstly, how dare she open your mail!!! Secondly, regardless of how she feels about the name, she doesn't give a damn about how YOU feel.

But, if it's any consolation, in a few year's while this might niggle at you occasionally, it won't matter all that much. Hold onto that thought when you want to throttle her the next time she oversteps the boundaries!

YANBU if she didn't apologise and didn't seem the slightest bit contrite about it.

Am angry for you.
I would let her think that this was your DS2's name and secretly choose another name and announce that after his birth.
Let her go round telling people the name she saw, and when its announced he is called something different, she will look like a fool.
I would find it hard to trust her again TBH.

YANBU, but was she really smug to know? Has she been trying to find out the name from you regardless of what you've told her? Unless she's horribly overbearing anyway, I think you are just going to have to let this go, it's such a silly thing to fall out over, and you are not entirely blameless owing to the post situation (though I agree with everyone that she shouldn't have continued to open the packages when it was obvious they weren't for her).

I'm with OTT - call him something else beginning with the same letter and tell her the company made a mistake and sent out the wrong letters (Mind you I am pig-headed and would go as far as changing the name of my DC just to annoy someone if they had been through my post!) ;-)

UCH, I would be very very cross about this.
YANBU
How could she open your mail!
How could she continue?
I just could not do that without a great big kick in the conscience!
Yet she, and you sister, are defending their position.
'She is the babies Grandmother' my arse!
If you find out the sex, and you choose to tell people. That is surprise no1 done, you are left with surprise no2; That you can share the babies name, when he is born.

You mooted a few names out there, to give her some clues.
But, ultimately, grandmother or no, I see no reason why she shouldn't wait, like everyone else, to find out the name. If that is what you were choosing to do.

Im with twinkly - I would be furious an make her know just how much sehs ruined things for you - what a horrid woman to open stuff not even addressede to her I knew what I was going to call mine from t of and refused to discuss it with everyone despite massive pressure and would have been fing peed off if someone had done this to me. I would make her bloody suffer for it or change the name.

She shouldn't have opened your post but to be honest as you've already told everyone the sex of the baby I really don't understand why the name has to be kept a secret. So YANBU but YABU. And how can you possibly be so certain about the name before the birth? Ours were going to be Hugo and Lily but ds didn't look like a Hugo and dd didn't look like a Lily.

onceamai - i knew the sex of mine from very early in but although I told people the sex vever got in to the name thing as

1- didn't want anyone elses opinion
2 - thought it was nice to have something just me and DH shared
3 - what if she/he popped out looking nothing like intended name - I would like the scope to change with out having to explain!

At the end of te day ANYTHING you chose to share beyond DH is priveledged info.