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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be weirded out by sisters new boyfriend

93 replies

gretalse · 30/10/2010 22:26

Tonight I went out with my brother,sister, her new boyfriend and DH. Its the first time we've ever met and I think he's probably the weirdest person I've ever met. He's 34 whilst dsis is only 25 so there is an age difference but they have been going out for a few months.

First of all he divuldged to everyone that he is bisexual, now I have no problem with this but he just randomly declared it before launching into a lecture about how the world is controlled by a new world order and that all Governments are conspiring to enslave their people. He then started rambling about how the moon landings were fake and that we should all start buying gold as soon money will be worthless. Later he told DH that it was obvious to him that I walk all over him and that he needs to reclaim the trousers.

As the evening went on he got quite drunk and when my brother went to get another round of drinks he said that "he'd like to put him on all fours and give him a good seeing too" Shock.

At the end of the evening as we were saying goodbye he went onto tell DH that he needs to put me over his knee to exert his authority. He's the strangest guy I've ever met and to top it of dsis wants me to invite him for Xmas dinner.

OP posts:
ItsGhoulAgain · 31/10/2010 01:45

I haven't done an off-the-cuff instant interweb diagnosis for a while, so I'm indulging myself. Schizophrenic. Sounds like he could be amusing company in small doses, but for god's sake keep pointing out his weirdnesses from the real-world pov to your sister! This stuff can be catching; it's an unofficial STD.

I like the straight look & straight talk advice, and the suggestion about inviting a spare male friend (preferably both gay and weird - I could lend you one, if you like). Doing both, as regularly as necessary, would be advisable.

jesole · 31/10/2010 08:14

YANBU I think you need to tell your sister the truth and say there's no way he's coming for christmas. The comments about your brother were shocking

Vallhalloween · 31/10/2010 08:35

I think Hecate put it extremely eloquently.

I think not too.

SuePurblybilt · 31/10/2010 08:47

Out of interest, would your sister have laughed do you think if he'd made the comment about a woman, not your db, in front of her? If he'd said he'd like to put you on all fours and shag you?

Either way he sounds like a horrible man - I'm guessing you don't want your family Christmas peppered with odd sexual comments, conspiracy theories and tedious opinions. Well, not more than usual anyway Grin. Tell her no.

vixel · 31/10/2010 09:09

He sounds lovely. Seriously he was bang out of order regarding his behaviour towards you and your brother. He certainly wouldn't be at mine for christmas.

giraffescantdookforapples · 31/10/2010 09:16

Does he have an older brother? If so I think my friends dating him. He said "mm how does one get worms? they are from feaces. Does one think oh heres some shit I will eat it yum yum, then they have worms?" at the dinner table of a friends wedding.

He also vanished for half an hour and it turned out he had gone off on a boat Hmm we had search parties and everything we thought he had drowned in the loch.

tetradon · 31/10/2010 09:32

lmao, where did she get that guy from.

trailledog · 31/10/2010 10:18

YADNBU, what he said was shocking and offensive to you and your db (not sure which one was worse). I'd have challenged him on them if it had been me and he would be coming for christmas that is for sure.

LaurieScaryCake · 31/10/2010 10:24

The idea of having someone as loony as that for Christmas really appeals to me Blush

I'd be all goading him and winding him up to watch him fly.

It's way better than watching the Queen and discussing the sprouts.

Janos · 31/10/2010 10:35

Jesus god! This guy sounds absolutely AWFUL.

I'm not surprised you're weirded out.

terryble · 31/10/2010 10:43

Hmm. How do you rate the chances of sister getting drawn into an abusive relationship? Because if you think there is any chance, I might invite him at Christmas in order to avoid her thinking that she's being forced to choose between her family and the boyfriend. And then choosing him, and initiating a sorry saga.

Alternatively, if she asks again, tell her straight out that sexual harassment, degrading comments and the like are not welcome in your house. Therefore the guy is not coming.

Option 3: say, "well, we just don't know him well enough yet. Perhaps next year?"
If she's still with him next year, you are then screwed.

Mowiol · 31/10/2010 10:49

What a horror!

Was he possibly ultra nervous and trying to be funny only to have it backfire dreadfully? - just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt Confused!!

The thought of someone like that coming to Xmas dinner would send my stress and anxiety levels off the scale to be honest and I'd spend the day as a gibbering wreck. Grin

TheEvilDead2 · 31/10/2010 11:01

What 34 and a catch like him is still single!? Shock

If your sister isn't a complete idiot you'll be fine, he'll never make it to xmas. He might have have even been a friend employed just to wind you up.

Otherwise keep an eye on anyone who thinks domestic violence jokes are cute.

Gory09 · 31/10/2010 11:08

Wow, I am quite partial to a good conspiration theory myself so would not have minded much about his view on swine flue or moon landing but the personal comment about you and you DH relationship or his "lusting" after you DB frankly disturbing. Is it possible you sister laughed at it because she was too embarassed to do anything else?

DinahRod · 31/10/2010 11:12

Well, he humiliates your sister, who he's dating, by making a sexually v offensive remark about her brother and her response, rather than metaphorically slapping him into next week, is to laugh as if he's oh so witty. Yes, he's probably testing the water re how much crap your dsis is prepared to put up with - quite a lot by the sound of it - and to do so infront of her family - blimey. Interestingly, no one does eviscerate him - maybe shock held you immobile?

No surprise he's not wanted anywhere else for Christmas. Should you invite him to keep channels of communication open to your sister? Tough one. Is your brother coming? How are you/dh going to handle it when he is offensive again or just irritates you beyond silly?

Original poster
gretalse · 31/10/2010 11:18

Dinah I didn't know what to say if I'm honest, I was stunned into silence with his comments about db.
My brother will be there at Christmas and maybe DHs parents and my Bil and Sil as well as my DPs and of course my DS.

OP posts:
byrel · 31/10/2010 11:35

I've been thinking about this and I find it incredible that he openly spouted out that he'd like to shag his girlfriends younger brother in front of her and her other sister and her husband who he'd never met before.
I don't blame you for being shocked, I would have been too and I'm not sure what you could have said back to him anyway.
On the other hand it looks like perfect teasing matierial for your db.

RedSuedeShoes · 31/10/2010 11:45

That Guy is a Wrong 'Un but I'm more worried for your sister! Shock

Chil1234 · 31/10/2010 11:52

'Look at me!!! I'm interesting!!!' He was out to shock his girlfriends nice normal 'square' family. If you'd been religious family he'd have gone extremist atheist on you. If you were all vegetarians he'd have ordered a rare steak. Etc. It's the kind of show-off stunt, boring, insecure people do all the time.

If you do invite him round for Christmas let him and your sister know in advance that if he's offensive in any way he's on the next bus home. DH has to support this, btw.

Chil1234 · 31/10/2010 12:02

Oh yes... and a piece of advice. The boring insecure man absolutely hates it if others take the piss out of him. They need to be taken completely seriously or they cease to exist. (That's why he's with an easily impressed & much younger woman btw.. women his own age think he's ridiculous and wouldn't be seen dead in his company)

So if you do meet him again have a few witty put-downs ready to go and make him look as ridiculous as possible in front of your sister. eg. 'I'm bisexual'... 'Really? You buy it?'.

huddspur · 31/10/2010 12:13

I agree with Chil1234, he must have been on the wind up. What would worry me is that he thought this was appropriate behaviour for the first meeting with his girlfriends siblings.

DinahRod · 31/10/2010 12:15

Well, hopefully dsis will have seen the light by Christmas.

If not, I would have her there and if it meant him too, so be it. But zero tolerance on the day. Prime the others too to have no truck with his boring 'I'm so wacky me' nonsense. Innards on the carpet if he's make vile sexual remarks.

In the meantime, maybe you could jest with your sister about where on earth she got him from / can see why he has no room at the inn based on his dire social skills (so she can see you think he's a fool/not in her league) but tell her seriously you hope she's not putting up with any crap.

Mumcentreplus · 31/10/2010 12:23

Hmm..Grin..Confused...[shocked]...ermm..weird yesss...I agree you need to be ready for him on your next meeting and let other members of the family know his moves...he sounds like an exhibitionist/Attention seeker not a good combo..

CerealOffender · 31/10/2010 12:23

maybe your sister is taking the piss adn this is some drama student friend

kikoline · 31/10/2010 12:31

How did your sister describe before you chose to meet. Frankly I think his comments about want to shag your brother were really offensive and way out of line. Its not funny in anyway and I'd be pretty unhappy with your sister for laughing along with him. He showed a total lack of respect for her brother by making degrading comments behind his back and she shouldn't be going along with it.

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