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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paranoid or something to worry about?

19 replies

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 14:30

Not sure if I am overthinking or not.

Last week my DH's phone got a text through that said "I love you xxxxxxxxx", but it was from one of his work colleagues (male) - then a few minutes later one came through with some in detail and gross explanation of a blow job . It was definitely from his workmate as I checked and was his number - but DH seemed a bit shifty about it. A few minutes later he gets another text from workmate saying "Cunts - left my phone on the table!"

Anyway, I don't know why but it just put me on edge. I've since noticed that DH has been in a bit of a bad mood/grumpy since that has happened.

Anyway, I never normally check DH's phone, but I am feeling a bit suspicious and he has gone out and left his work phone here (different one), and there is a text on it from same work colleague saying "Alright slut, going to the hospital after work etc"

There is also a text on there from a woman saying this is my new number. No idea who she is, but nothing else suspicious.

Am I going crazy and overthinking or would you be suspicious too?

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 30/10/2010 14:31

I would think it's just blokes being childish. I know people who have done this kind of thing and think it's funny.

bubbleymummy · 30/10/2010 14:31

I don;t think I would be suspicious. It's the type of thing my friends used to do in uni. How old are his work colleagues?

eviscerateyourmemory · 30/10/2010 14:33

Is it the same number for the colleagues new number and the texts?
Otherwise it doesnt sound suspicious to me.

ForMashGetSmash · 30/10/2010 14:36

Does he work in a particularly raucous place like a factory or garage? Often men in these places are quite evil in this way....or is e in an office?

overmydeadbody · 30/10/2010 14:37

Don't worry about it, sounds like stupid imature men and nothing suspicious.

Original poster

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 14:39

No, it's not the same number.

I really wouldn't have even started feeling like this, it's just that he seemed to be acting weird about the initial texts from the male colleague (xxx). When I asked him the next day if he had spoken to xxx about the texts, he got a bit fidgety and just said that he had laughed. But then again, perhaps he was fidgeting because he felt like I was interrogating him/embarrassed about receiving them from a bloke etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 14:40

He works on a building site and they have all sorts of names for each other, but I just thought "slut" , however I suppose he could have been sharing secrets about our sex life.....

OP posts:

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 30/10/2010 14:43

Could it be that he was acting shifty because you made him feel uncomfortable? Y'know, like when you meet a policeman and you feel guilty even though you haven't done anything.

When I read your OP I thought it was just blokes/work colleagues twatting about, it just looked pretty normal to me.

If it's just in isolation I wouldn't worry, but try not to go round looking at things projecting this interpretation onto them

sims2fan · 30/10/2010 14:44

I think you're probably putting unrelated incidents together and making connections where there are none. He's a bit quiet/tired/stressed, and because of the text messages you read into it that he's been 'moody' since then.

My husband often tells his best friend (male) that he loves him on the phone, as they're saying goodbye, in a sort of 'I love you man!' kind of a way. It doesn't bother me. I've also known a few people to have their Facebook page/phone hijacked and false messages put on by their friends. I think some people love to do that sort of thing!

Also, an ex of mine and his best friend always used to call each other horrible names like 'slut' and worse as terms of endearment. Bit childish, but it didn't hurt anyone, so no big deal.

Lastly, don't worry about a woman sending her number to your husband. It was probably a text that she sent out to everyone in her phone book no matter how well she knows them. My husband (and I for that matter) has numbers on his phone for people he hasn't spoken to for years.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 30/10/2010 14:46

My DH works in the construction industry, and I can testify that yes, they all act the same ie 6 YO boys laughing about a nob drawn on a bog wall

Oh the hilarity they must have at work!

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 30/10/2010 14:46

I think I'd probably act a bit shifty if a 'friend' sent a message to me like that. You know, like how people start acting guilty when they see a policeman even if they've done absolutely nothing wrong. I'm always amazed they don't stop and search me because I feel like I have guilt written all over my face

It certainly seems like the kind of behaviour you might expect from a bunch of building site blokes who have no contact with women from 8am until 4.

Original poster

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 14:48

I know, I know. I think I just needed someone to say yes you are being silly.

I'm finally with a decent man I want to be with for the rest of my life, and I suppose I am just terrified of being made a fool of.

I have no reason to distrust him, but if he was ever unfaithful it would be a major deal breaker/no going back.

I'm not normally a snooper, but every now and again when I get a bit suspicious I can't help myself.

Thank you for your replies - I love MN .

OP posts:

RevoltingPeasant · 30/10/2010 14:49

I wouldn't worry. My DP works in an office (but in Yorkshire, where men are men, sigh!) and his line manager sends him b-day cards saying, 'Happy birthday, you twat' etc. It is just silly blokeishness.

Um can I ask why you checked his phone though? Not to be judgy (really!) but for me it would be a sort of point of honour, if you know what I mean, never to pick up someone else's phone. Honestly not being judgy -- but do you normally do this or did something make you suddenly want to know?

RevoltingPeasant · 30/10/2010 14:51

Oh poor you - just saw about 'finally being with a decent man'.

I DO get that. Ignore previous post :)

Original poster

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 14:51

Thinking about it, I would probably act shifty if someone sent me a text about "cumming in my mouth" (that's what it said by the way).

I'm the same re policemen. And yes they do all have a mental age of about 13!

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 30/10/2010 14:54

It may be nothing, but I would write down the numbers and then in a week or so,I would call the workmates number and see what comes up. I'd keep a discreet eye on the mobile phone bill too, to see how many/what time texts were sent. I know I am overly suspicious though.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 30/10/2010 14:56

I think you are right to not trust anyone 100%, but it's not letting that 1 or 2% healthy mistrust get a grip on you.

It sounds like you almost want there to be something in it to 'prove' that you were right to not trust him and also to get it over and done with because he's going to shit on you anyway.

In your mind just think that if you accidently find irrefutable proof that he's being unfaithful then the relationship is over, but until that time (which won't come!) you're going to trust him and enjoy the time you have together.

Original poster

laaahdeedah · 30/10/2010 15:01

No I really don't want there to be anything in it. We are married and have a dc so the last thing I want is any proof of anything.

99% of the time I don't have any thoughts or doubts, but it was just his attitude on this occasion that threw me.

Thanks for the words and advice everyone.

OP posts:

crimsonpetal · 30/10/2010 15:06

Haha, reminds me of 'The Thick of It' where Malcolm gets a birthday cake, with 'Happy Birthday, you cunt' iced on the top. He goes 'who the fuck sent this?' then reads the card and says 'Oh, it's from the Prime Minister'

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