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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask him not to bring random women home

96 replies

lokaku · 30/10/2010 09:12

I'm currently living with my brother (due to an abusive ex). He went out last night with his friends and he clearly 'pulled' and he brought her back with him. DD just wandered into the kitchen to find said girl making herself breakfast apparently with dbs permission (he's still in bed).
This scared her and she's been through a lot in the last month and having "strange women" in the house will not help this.
I know its his house and we are staying here rent free and he has been a saviour in what he has done. AIBU to ask him not to bring women back.

OP posts:

missmoopy · 30/10/2010 17:58

My dd plays in her room in the mornings. Thats how we get our lie ins!

phipps · 30/10/2010 18:01

What was it your 5 year old was scared of?

ChaoticAngel · 30/10/2010 18:48

YABU You can't expect your brother to restrict/alter his life for you, especially when he's doing you a big favour.

5 is not too young to be going downstairs on your own. My two used to go downstairs and make their own breakfast (cereal with milk) at that age, on a weekend. They were even able, shock horror, to switch on the tv and watch cbeebies.

veritythebrave · 30/10/2010 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZombieChickensHaveNoMercy · 30/10/2010 19:09

YABU. There was a woman making breakfast in the kitchen. That is all your dd saw. You really can't expect your db to stop having a life while you stay with him.

wouldliketoknow · 30/10/2010 19:23

how would you feel if he had moved in with you and asked you to stop doing soimething? would you think how ungrateful after all i am doing for him?

if your answer is not at all, i would stop immediatly, go tell him, otherwise hold your peace.

nice brother by the way.

frgr · 30/10/2010 19:56

YABU, she was fully dressed from what I can tell? You're basically expecting your brother to grant you the favour of living their rent free with DCs and you expect him to put his life on hold and massively change his social behaviour for the stay of your duration? It's his house - it might not be the best environment for your DD, but you should look at minimising the impact, I assume this isn't going to be a long term solution - the fix to this isn't that your brother should change his (reasonable) behaviour...

scottishmummy · 30/10/2010 20:03

your brother is doing you a favour.cant expect him not to live an adult life.

dont make issue of this, i hope you find peace and stability after abusive ex

FunkyCherry · 31/10/2010 00:34

YABVVVVVVVVU

Do you envy his life?

BarbieLovesKen · 31/10/2010 00:47

Didnt read all. Sorry. No, of course your not being unreasonable. Your poor little DD. No, this isnt appropriate behaviour at all for a little girl to be around and presumably, although your brother is very kind to allow you both to stay and yes, it is his house, his niece's well being is paramount at present and should take precedent over a shag (particulary when his DN has clearly being through alot lately).

Also, although Im sure your grateful to him, Is this simply not what family is all about anyway? I mean surely he can accomodate considering all you both have been through lately as presumably he loves you.

No. YANBU.

Hope your ok.

ItsGhoulAgain · 31/10/2010 00:48

I can't help thinking about how freaked-out the girl must have been to find a 5-year-old in the kitchen!

Quite honestly, you should be appreciating that he's thoughtful enough NOT have had loud, adventurous sex all over the house - casting my mind back some way, that's not so unusual on a first night. He may well have asked her to show some consideration due to niece in the house. I think it'd be nice if you were equally considerate towards him.

cory · 31/10/2010 00:58

"this isnt appropriate behaviour at all for a little girl to be around"

Making breakfast in the kitchen not appropriate behaviour? Surely that was all the little girl saw. And though her mum may associate to all sorts of sexual behaviour, why would a 5yo do that? Or speculate on where her uncle had met this woman? Surely she would think if he can have her and her mum stay, he can have other friends stay?

scottishmummy · 31/10/2010 01:01

she wasnt pole dancing making french toast.lewdly licking jam.she was ,making breakfast

thats all

Georgimama · 31/10/2010 06:22

The suggestions that he should text the OP to inform her if he is on his way back with someone are ludicrous too.

I agree with Wallowsinflies.

Gory09 · 31/10/2010 06:33

Cory you are so right about the fact that there is no way the 5yo would associate a grown up making breakfast with any sort of sexual behaviour.

tegan · 31/10/2010 06:37

yabu sorry but it is his house so he should be able to do what he wants.

Just tell your dd her uncle has a lot of friends who stay over sometimes. She is too young to actually know what he is doing so she will be happy with this explanation

WallowsInFlies · 31/10/2010 06:39

thinking from the brother's side this may actually be a statement he's making about reclaiming his space. challenging him on it may turn into the conversation about being time to leave. he's asserting himself doing this. i'd tread carefully.

dementedma · 31/10/2010 08:06

ChaoticAngel - thank goodness I am not the only one who allowed little ones up and about on their own! DS1 was and is a notoriously early riser and by 3 was making himself cereal or bread and jam and watching cbeebies in the early dawn.
The plus side is that at 8 years old now he can rustle up a batch of cupcakes/muffins, make a mean pot of soup and do his own bacon butties, all on his own. (OK, i keep an eye on the bacon butty thing because of hot fat, but he manages the rest just fine, AND clears up after himself which is more then DH can do at age 47)
Last Saturday there was just him and me home for dinnerm unusually, and I said he could choose what he wanted - thinking something slobbish like pizza or chicken nuggets - and he thought awhile and then said "Can I have spaghetti with prawns in a cream sauce, followed by Eton Mess?" so that's what letting them get their own breakfast leads to - bloody gourmet Boy!!

Gory09 · 31/10/2010 08:15

Gosh that must be hard dementedma

cakewench · 31/10/2010 08:41

I have to agree with the others- there's no way a child that age is associating that woman with anything sexual. You, of course, are. It evidently makes you feel uncomfortable.

YABVU. If you 'ask' your brother to stop, he will resent it. He might agree, but he won't be happy about it, and all the little inconveniences he's currently dealing with with the two of you being there are just going to grate at him even more.

What would not be unreasonable is to ask him to text you if he's bringing someone home. However, you'd need to be nice in this request. No snippy "perhaps you could deign to let us know next time", just a simple request, as a non-judgmental roommate would.

MrsSchadenfreude · 31/10/2010 09:45

I think you are being vvv unreasonable. But what might work is you saying jokily, before he goes out, "Hey, text me if you pull and I'll make sure we stay out of your way to give you a bit of space and make sure we don't cramp your style!"

Then you can take your DD out early, and you will both be happy. [hgrin]

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