to be enraged and hurt by comment from my Mum

[carocaro]

We are down to one car due to redundancy etc, so it means that DH will need the car because he starts a new job soon. So it means I will have two walk the children (3&8) to and from school, 25 mins each way.

So I said that will be fun when it's raining and they are knackered after school (we live in the north west which is prone to lots of rain) so my Mum said to me "it will do you good, shift some of that weight you need to shift"

I was thinking about the kids when I made the comment. I do need to loose some weight. I a really angry and upset.

AIBU?

A bit TBH. you've acknowledged that you need to shift a bit of weight and your mum put it into words.
TBH, I doubt it will work. When we moved to Switzerland, me and DD would walk 25 minutes up a hill to get her to school. I'd then walk the 20 minutes down home. On the way, I would stop and buy a couple of chocolate croissants. Make sure any gains you make by walking aren't negated by extra consumption.

No, that was pretty rude, yes walking is good for you but rude of her to say in reference to your weight. Kids will love walkning in the rain though, if we're offered lift, I'm like 'YES' & DS is 'NOOO! I want to splash in all the puddles' Aargh!!

YANBU. Your weight is your business. My Mum, stepfather and sister have always felt entitled to commenting on my weight despite my protests. One Christmas my sister bought me a bathroom scales and said "I thought you might need these". Now THAT's tactless!

IMO the rule of thumb is never comment on anyone's weight in any way, unless they are directly seeking a compliment. It so often goes wrong and hurts feelings!

Weight as a conversation topic?- OFF LIMITS.

feel for you OP, even though you acknowledge you need to loose weight, to have it pointed out to you would be hurtful. Try not to dwell on it.

Yabu. To be enraged is a bit extreme. Your Mum seems to be concerned about you, albeit a bit insensively but that's Mums for you. Has she just hit a raw nerve?

No, yanbu

I've had this kind of comment from my darling father. I'm a size 12, but to him, all women should be size 8 or less.

As he's actually 5 stones overweight himself, I have an easy retort along the lines of "yes, ok, Adonis! And when did you last see your feet?"

Is your mum physically perfect? If not, try a little "taste your own medicine" with her. It will help.

My mother said the same sort of thing to me recently. I just looked at her and said, 'you wouldn't dream of saying that to a friend of yours so how could you think it acceptable to say it to me'. I think she meant well but there are better ways of expressing it than that!

YANBU - i wouldnt speak to my DD's like that, is she usually as tactful as this?

YANBU about the weight - YABU about the walking to school woe is me thing. I do it, yes sometimes it rains. Oh well.

Sounds like something my mother would say. I am so used to a life of her comments, I usually ignore them. Either say something or let it roll off, but don't let it fester, not worth it.
I gather there is no public transport? Can you drive your dh to work and keep the car, then pick him up after work?

Do we have the same mother?

YANBU

Are you my lost twin? :) After I'd lost weight my mother's remark 'You look so much better dear. I didn't like it when you were hefty'....

I feel your pain. My mother is similar. A couple of years ago, when she was preparing to go shopping for Christmas presents, she asked what size I was "these days."
When I told her, she replied, "What? Good God!"

I was relating this to DH afterwards as a sort of funny tale, but before I knew it I was in floods of hurt tears. However much you think you've erected a mother-proof protective wall around your emotions, every now and again they barge through it.

well if you do need to lose weight and could do with the excercise then maybe she was trying to point out the positives rather than joining you in self pity.

I think to be "enraged" and "upset" over it is a bit of an over reaction actually

My mum once produced a photo of me that had been taken when I was all dolled up and happy on a night out and said 'There you go you can use that as your 'fat' photo'. As in the photo that would motivate me to lose weight.

Completely unsolicited. I hadn't mentioned anything about wanting to lose weight.

She's another one who thinks there's no 'excuse' to be anything over a size 8 .

I think you may be upset that your mum hit a nerve, however as it's your mum she should know that the comment would be upsetting for you.

My mum told me at 13 that I looked 'weighty' in a pair of jeans. I've never forgotten that comment and it brought tears to my eyes when she said it. She was right I prob did look awful in them but sometimes saying nothing is the best way!!

i can only imagine you live in london if you are complaining about having to walk 25 mins to school-thats nothing!

yabu

YANB unless you repeatedly mention that you need to lose weight in which case you mum is justified in pointing out that this particular cloud has a silver lining for you.

Off to see mine in about an hour. Thank goodness the magic knickers are clean!

She said it in a harsh way, that's way I am enraged, like I disgusted her in some way.

And we do walk to school about 3 times a week but onbviously used the car when it's pissing down.

And DH's new work is all over the place, so can't really take him before school if he has to be in Oxford!

And DH (who I do blame slighlty for the car thing, very long story) also wants me to get back to work, which I am trying to do. But he does not get that I have an interview in Manchester next week and there us now way I can be back in time to pick ds1 up from pre-school if I rely on public transport as there are only two trains an hour. But apparently I just have to 'work it out'.

I just want to hide really at present tbh.

Depends if this is a typical comment from your mum. It sounds like something mine would say; I would spend a lot of my life enraged and hurt if I let her get to me every time she said something tactless.

If it's not like her, tell her it was mean and hurtful and she might not do it again.

Frankly it just sounds motherish and Northern to me (is originally northerner emoticon).