Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be enraged and hurt by comment from my Mum

61 replies

carocaro · 26/10/2010 12:01

We are down to one car due to redundancy etc, so it means that DH will need the car because he starts a new job soon. So it means I will have two walk the children (3&8) to and from school, 25 mins each way.

So I said that will be fun when it's raining and they are knackered after school (we live in the north west which is prone to lots of rain) so my Mum said to me "it will do you good, shift some of that weight you need to shift"

I was thinking about the kids when I made the comment. I do need to loose some weight. I a really angry and upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:

peasantgoneroundthebend4 · 26/10/2010 12:45

I understand how you feel my mum after being overweight fir years had a private gastric band done and has lost loads

I'm always getting comments on you need to lose weight your be healthy for losing weight etc .Then the why don't you have a band fitted the raised eyebrows if I have a sandwhich when out then cook layer when home

I want to yell ffs I'm losing weight but Its dam slow going ans WTF am I going to find 7k from and if had it there's so much the dc need anyway he'll I'm catefull with heating because can't afford top oil tank of

slhilly · 26/10/2010 12:45

Tactless but typical, if my experience with women of my mum's generation from the NW is anything to go by. I'll never forget a friend of my mother's visiting us in our newly-bought 1-bed flat in London and saying "I didn't know people actually lived like this!" Our jaws dropped open. The flipside is that my mum and her friends will also be more openly nice than, say, my MIL (who hails from London).

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 26/10/2010 12:48

She's your motehr and possibly knows that being overweight is bad for you physically and mentally.

CappuccinoCarrie · 26/10/2010 12:50

YANBU My mum has commented on my acne. Its not like I haven't noticed it, really don't need her to draw attention to it.

proudfoot · 26/10/2010 12:52

YANBU, it's a very insensitive and rude comment to make out of nowhere when you are talking about something else.

BigWelt · 26/10/2010 12:59

I'm enraged by your mum's comment too. Walking 50 minutes a day won't help you lose any weight. Eating less puddings will.

DialMforMother · 26/10/2010 13:11

YANBU - it's rude, and a bit vulgar IMHO.

Tell her so next time.

My MIL's first words to me in hospital post Caesarian were 'are you having another one?' (pointing at post pregnancy belly) and she's said a couple of other things since. I have no idea why she feels that she can comment on something like this but nexttime she does I am going to say 'I am focusing on being a new mother and on breastfeeding at the moment and don't have any problem at all with my body which has done some quite amazing things this year'. Then I am going to ruin the moral high ground by hitting her in her stupid face. :)

taintedpaint · 26/10/2010 13:16

Hmmmm. My aunt leans towards bluntness, but she's not quite this direct. So up to a point, I do understand why you're upset.

That said, YABU to be enraged by it unless she has a history of making tactless comments, but YANBU to be hurt.

bran · 26/10/2010 13:18

Re going for an interview, do you have any car clubs in your area like Streetcar? They are a very economical alternative to having a car that is only used occasionally.

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2010 13:19

It was a bit tactless, perhaps, but really - if your mum can't say that kind of thing to you once in a while, then who can?

neverquitesure · 26/10/2010 13:45

I would be really upset if my Mum said that to me, but then we're a really tactful family so I'm not used to that sort of directness.

I went wedding dress shopping with my brother's fiancee earlier this year and was at how tactless and rude her Mum was about her (size 8/10!) figure. She had previously mentioned that her Mum was her 'worst critic' but I'd never seen anything quite like it before. It made me feel quite uncomfortable.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 26/10/2010 14:02

My mums the same. Didn't comment on my weight as I was underweight for years until DS was born, but when I had acne and it looked like a balloon was under my forehead I was struggling emotionally. So in front of the boys I worked with she says 'oh, your head looks awful, I really wish it would clear up'. and as I was 17 yo. FWIW I was one of the first to have roaccutane and it worked.

belgo · 26/10/2010 14:06

Yes it was tactless, I don't think anyone should ever comment on someone else's weight.

Kreecher - totally agree - there are two bakeries between my house and the children's schools - I cannot resist the temptation when I walk past them!

deaddei · 26/10/2010 14:08

But will it spur you on to lose weight???

mamasmissionimpossible · 26/10/2010 14:08

I don't think it is right of your mum to comment on your weight. If you feel ok about it then it's nobody else's business. If you want to do something about it, then I think your mum should be there to support you.

I'm slight about some posters saying it's ok for a mum to comment about her dd's weight.

freerangeeggs · 26/10/2010 14:23

I suppose it all depends on the tone of voice. I can imagine my mum saying it in a jokey, affectionate way but if your mum said it nastily then I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Your mum's probably just worried about you, though.

LLKH · 26/10/2010 14:53

YANBU at all. I would be annoyed as well having had experience with this sort of thing.

When I told my mum I was pregnant, literally the first thing she said was "Oh, well, now would be a good time for you to lose some weight." She couldn't be bothered to say "Congratulations" or anything like that first.

It does, of course, depend on the tone of voice.

Deemented · 26/10/2010 15:03

YANBU.

Well, i don't think you are - my mother was very similar, though she started when i was a child, whisking me of to WW at nine, then when that didn't work, putting me on slim fast.

The only thing i can say, if - and it's a big if - you fell you want to loose weight then you'll do it for yourself and no fucker one else.

cumfy · 26/10/2010 15:20

enraged

You bought the subject up.

It will do you good.

Insensitive, perhaps; but she made her point well.

RockBat · 26/10/2010 15:22

My mother says far worse to me, I know I disgust her.

neverquitesure · 26/10/2010 15:25

RockBat

MumNWLondon · 26/10/2010 16:49

YABU and far too sensitive.

My mum said similar (about me needing to loose weight) - basically said that I was so obese it would soon be affecting my health.

Bear in mind at the time DS2 was 3 months old and I was BFing him .

I knew she was right - I was carrying around an extra 2.5 stone I didn't need, and wearing size 16 clothes instead of size 12.

I am now on a diet - the mad thing is that my mum is also overweight and she doesn't have a baby as an excuse.

saffy85 · 26/10/2010 16:53

YANBU really she was a bit tactless. My mum is like this with my overweight sister which is a bit as she's hardly waif like herself!

thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 26/10/2010 17:05

YANBU. Rude.

But try not to be so upset. Its her problem if she thinks its ok to talk to you like that.

If she was worried about your weight there are much nicer ways of putting things.

I used to walk to save bus fare. I would end up spending a blood fortune because I would go in the clothes shopss on the way home

ragged · 26/10/2010 17:10

yabu, she's your mother, they say stuff like this, it's part of the package. Rest assured, you will end up saying far worse to your own adult DC [hwink].
Still if it bothers you just tell her, and that you'd like that subject to be off limits in future.

Flip

1 2 3