to have bust my judgeometer upon seeing this?

[thequimreaper]

In Primark today. 2 girls with their mum - one looked slightly older than my DD and one slightly younger so I assume they were around 3 1/2 and 2 1/2. Both walking around with dummies in (not that this is that strange I'm just setting the scene), both with pierced ears (which I hate but I know some people think is fine). They were both dressed in just a sleepsuit (thin popper style). The younger one's sleepsuit was about a foot too long and she was tripping up with every step - it was also filthy as it had been trailing the floor ans she had no shoes on. The older girl didn't have this problem as the mother had chosen to team her sleepsuit with a pair of pink, glittery high heels

Domeafavour I think the rule on Mumsnet might well be - you can do pretty much anything you want to your own kids and i'll try to find some external factor but you so much as look askance at my babies and I'll have you judged and jailed before you can say 'AIBU'. And that leads to some pretty mixed up morality.

You forgot to mention the coke in the bottles and the greggs sausage rolls..Did the mother have a tattoo and a fag usualsuspect

Yes, I would have judged.
No, I wouldn't have been in Primark in the first place. (I've been in once, but came over all peculiar and had to leave)

Thing is, though, IRL, you tend to have more context available to you to decide if you're right to judge or not, no? Because you don't just look at the children, but also the mother, the condition of the clothes, whether or not the family seemed happy etc etc. Then you judge. (or not)

What I don't get, is the incessant need to start thread after thread about other parents we perceive to be inferior to ourselves. I judge a bugaboo just as I judge a sausage roll in all honesty (a friend of mine has just bought, not just a bugaboo but a shocking pink one- ick ick, and my first thought was "Sheesh, what a chavtastic pram)

On t'other hand, yes, maybe the mother in question was a shit mother who only has children for the benefits and the plasma screen and all those other things we are constantly told about. So, yes, if it's proof proven she's a shit mother who treats her children badly, then yes, we should fvcking judge. And how. But only when we know.

I judge you for shopping in primark.

You where in Primark.

So as you were all so helpful.... ...

I googled Primark and what first catches my attention is a 'fish net crop top'.

Nuff said.

YANBU!

I think it is absolutely terrible to let two (quite old) toddlers walk around a shop in thin sleepsuits and no shoes in one case, on a cold day in late October.

It's also terrible to let a child walk around tripping over their filthy porrly fitting sleepsuit.

High heels are totally inappropriate for a three year old, whatever the context.

I've read the comments about not judging ...

Whether it is reasonable to start a post about this scenario is a separate question. Perhaps it is not reasonable to do so, if all it is about is gloating over less competent parents and making you feel good about yourself.

But this is a separate question from the condition these toddlers were in - I can't think of any "explanation" that would justify it, to be honest. Some things are just inappropriate, full stop - it's not always wrong say that. Poor little girls.

epicfail, Primark is a budget clothing store. Actually, I went in there for the first time yesterday. (disclaimer: my kids were fully clothed) They sell lots of cheap tat for kids and adults, but some of it is ok, if you look carefully. I bought my DDs a top each and a couple of pairs of PJs. The problem is that it's known for a very poor ethical record on child labour, worker's rights etc, as they obviously source the clothes very cheaply.
I shouldn't have gone in really, but not sure if it's record is so much worse than anywhere else?

its not it's sorry

maybe they were in some sort of terrible household incident involving a flood or a fire and they were the only things she could put them in before taking them to Primark for new clothes?

Maybe they are here on holiday and lost their luggage and didn't know how truly terrible Primark is?

Anyway, It was pretty judgy for someone in primark themselves.....if it did happen....

Yes, I imagine that after a flood, one would stop to bring along the plastic glittery high heels for a three year old. That's clearly the more obvious answer here, rather than "she couldn't be arsed to dress her children, and also she lets her three year old wear high heels".

Sorry - I should have found some sort of tongue-in-cheek smiley clearly.

And for what it's worth - there's been a pair of silver high heel dress up shoes in the back of the car for about 5 months now so it is likely to be what DD would be wearing should we have an emergency....

Unfortunately, if one uses Occam's razor the answer would be that mum doesn't care how her children dress, even though mumsnet is screwing itself in knots to find bizarre and unlikely explanations that the mother would probably laugh at if she knew about them.

'The judging on mm drives me insane. We don't all do it. Some people look and try and understand the reasons for it. I think it's the like the half full/ half empty argument. Some are quick to judge, others think of an explanation.'

Fair point but some of the explanations people come up with to avoid having to judge are bizarre at times!

But is the OP really judging this woman for taking her children out not properly dressed? If they were not adequately dressed in, say, lovely clothes from Monsoon that just looked a bit chilly for the season, would you be posting it here? Or is that they looked cold and [shock] poor?

I'm afraid I'm with whoever said: were they being mistreated or abused? No. Then get over it. Children out and about in sleepsuits is odd, but not cruel, and given how much actual cruelty there is going around I wouldn't have thought twice about this. Agree with others who have said that only motive for posting is to feel smug about how much better you are at parenting.

I don't understand what is soooo terrible about two kids being out in pjs? I know its not ideal but its hardly abuse?? The OP saw them in a shop so they weren't outdoors and therefore weren't victims of the weather. My DD takes of her coat as soon as we enter any shop, cuoldn't this have happened here? OP said she was quite far away from the mother so how did she know she wasn't holding the coats or put them down somewhere while she looked through the racks (I always do this).
The child falling over constantly and not being helped would be upsetting alright but really the rest of it seems quite innocuous. I am a bit worried now that people may be judging me on the cleanliness of DC's clothes. I never ever remember bibs and they are really messy eaters. Also aren't those plastic high heels just an extension of dressing up? My DD tramps around in mine all the time and I don't think that make me a bad mother, surely if anything the plastic ones are a bit better as they are at least a better fit.

Martha as I have mentioned I am also poor - as evidenced by the fact I was in Primark - so I'm not being snobby about that. If they had been dressed in Monsoon trousers that were a foot too long and were tripping them up then I would probably have thought that was awful too.
And as for people saying I have posted to make myself feel a better parent - I don't want a round of applause for dressing my child in shoes - surely that is a basic standard for most people?

Yes OP putting kids in shoes IS a basic standard but unfortunately we don't seem to be able to say that there should be a basic standard. It seems we always have to give people the benefit of the doubt.....to ridiculous proportions!

And maybe they were Monsoon sleepsuits? Do they do them?

< applauds thequim for dressing her kids in shoes >

DurhamDurham - oh yeah! Was our fav place to go. In fact we are going back to Wendover to meet with friends tomorrow, we're staying in The Red Lion!