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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being a housewife/homemaker?

98 replies

domeafavour · 25/10/2010 14:07

I love being a mum, but hate hate hate the other stuff that comes with it.
The washing, drying on the line, on radiators, in a dryer that creases everything, the ironing, cooking , cleaning.
Sorting bills, car tax, direct debits, fixing everything that goes wrong. Organising, re- organising. Bring responsible for every bloody thing in the house.
Cooking, so sick of trying to think up new meals. Lost all appetite, don't even want to eat anything I cook.

Can't wait to go back to work, can you tell?!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 26/10/2010 17:26

I once had a colleague with 5 young dcs and she worked 2 nights per week. She juggled the childcare with her sister who was also a lone parent.

I always remember her saying that it actually motivated her to get on with household tasks. I tend to find the same tbh. I get far more done if I know that I only have 2 hours before a late shift, while dd2 is at nursery, rather than a whole "free" day when she is home with me.

Realistically most household tasks take at most 10-15 minutes each. (e.g. hoovering downstairs, changing a bed, sorting one load of washing/drying).

onepieceoflollipop · 26/10/2010 17:27

Also on days I really can't face it I just leave it (apart from the basics which I might leave for dh)

Another friend I have (she also had a large family) said that it was sometimes worth leaving stuff anyway as it made the job "worth doing" if it really needed doing!

Rannaldini · 26/10/2010 17:42

I am completely lazy and untidy

i have to look at it like a paid job and not just never ending hell to make me do it at all

i do now tidy up as i go

wayoftheworld · 26/10/2010 19:41

Ahh, I do dream of one day being like Anthea Turner!! I even bought her book!! Shock

alfabetty · 26/10/2010 19:51

I agree with onepieceoflollipop - the chores expand to fill the time available. You need to get out of the house at a set time and be absolutely rigid about it. So join a gym, use the creche, and get there for 10. Preferably arrange to meet someone there at first so you're not just letting yourself down if you don't bother.

You'll then get up by 7.30, be fed and dressed by 8.30, and hour and a half to tidy round, put a wash on, check you've got food for supper, then out.

You have 1 hour of exercise, and it's 11 o'clock, your house is tidy(ish) and you have the whole day ahead of you, to pop to the shop, park, friend's house.

If you don't have a cleaner, you need to set aside a morning a week to do a proper clean.

And I'd second the suggestion of voluntary work - I stopped work for 2 years and am a trustee of a charity. Very rewarding, can take as little or as much time as you like, even looking over papers etc for an hour in the evening after the children are in bed makes you feel as though you've achieved something that day, other than just washing up!

Faaamily · 26/10/2010 19:54

I went back to study/work to escape domestic drudgery.

I don't want to be at home all day, noticing what needs to be done.

Fit it in around other stuff, that's my motto. I do the bare minimum to keep the show on the road and spend the rest of my time doing worthwhile stuff with my kids, family, friends or at work.

SarfEasticated · 26/10/2010 19:56

I like washing windows - lots of suds and squeegey - I pretend to be a window cleaner
I like doing the washing - easy and a nice walk out to the garden
I did love cooking, but tis a chore now, I hate always having to decide what we eat and then make it. takes all the fun out of it.

Rest of the time I spend my days making a mess, get depressed by mess, then have to leave the house to get away from it.

Luckily DH is a liberated male, who is very happy to come home from work and clear everything up. I

wayoftheworld · 26/10/2010 20:01

My DH does not do shops or pubs. He claims to be good at tidyng up, only it rearly happens.Hmm I should go to work...

pinkmoon007 · 26/10/2010 20:02

I have been struggling with this dilemma, help! I have returned part time,baby is 18months, I earn reasonably well, have secretly got a cleaner in, used to be fortnightly and now it has sneaked up to weekly! am considering ironing service, but dread it when my contract runs out in 1 month's time and i am at home 24/7, i think i will be so unhappy....is it ridiculous to put baby in childcare for a few mornings while i clean, or have someone at the house to look after baby while i clean, i almost feel its worth using my savings until i get another job, does this affect baby? I always think about the realtionship i had with my dad, so pleased to see him after work and play, but would give my mum jip all day!

theywillgrowup · 26/10/2010 20:12

each to there own,think its better to enjoy work thus enjoy the time with your dc's

if you can afford then i should imagine that should make things abit easier especially if you hate it

BUT

if you are a SAHM do you really need a cleaner,have a ironing service,i can never get my head round this,but maybe my upbringing and education has been different,mine was bog standard if you were SAHM they were your responsibilitys and wouldnt dream of paying somebody to clean for you and would/are frowned upon

id imagine if you had a good education,career you wouldnt have such a block about it as i have

oh and another can understand a toddler going to nursery for a few hours a week with a SAHM what i cant get is somebody that has put there young child in childcare for 4 days a week and there not working (maybe going of tangent but hey ho)

sure i will get a flaming for that but being honest

alfabetty · 26/10/2010 20:19

I used an ironing service and cleaner when I wasn't working.

Just the same as using a decorator, car wash etc. Labour saving, freeing up time to do something I do enjoy, giving someone else a job.

Can't see why there's such a hoo-ha about contracting out 'women's work' when it is perfectly acceptable for a man who works 9-5 and is home by 5.30 every night to pay someone to tile his bathroom for him.

wayoftheworld · 26/10/2010 20:20

I have a good education and choose to stay at home because it was best for one parent to stay home and we would have not been better financially after paying for childcare for three children... But I still dont like housework and the main reason is that I was into travelling and learning, so feel that there are better things to do with your life.. Currently doing a french course and loving it!!

wayoftheworld · 26/10/2010 20:21

Much rather learn the "er" verbs in french than clean the skirting board...just my opinion! Blush

theywillgrowup · 26/10/2010 20:27

thats what im saying you dont have a problem with it

but i couldnt,its in my head that the division is one worker one homemaker (cringe)dont like the word myself,if economics allow

was bought up in a pretty traditional family,so these things stick,and like i said think it has alot to do with your upbringing,education,lifestyles etc these all effect how we see things

my friend has a cleaner,good for her she works bloody hard and see no problem with that but cant say i would think the same if she wasnt at work,studying etc

SarfEasticated · 26/10/2010 20:28

I know one woman who was a very highly qualified accountant, who is now a SAHM and loves it. Baking, cleaning, decorating, she does it all and photographs it and puts it on facebook!

theywillgrowup · 26/10/2010 20:30

i get a certain satisfaction out of a clean bathroom but not enought to put on facebook.lol

dementedma · 26/10/2010 20:44

can't afford a bloody cleaner and work full-time so have to do it all, with some help from DH. What annoys me is that on his days off during the week - he works shifts and weekends - he manages to find the time to play computer games and watch TV because kids are at school. On MY days off, laughingly known as the weekend, I look after kids, do the shopping, cleaning, ironing etc etc.The weekend is just two more days of work for me. I never have any time just for me, its either paid work, unpaid work or looking after offspring.
Seriously, much as I love the DCs, if I had my time again I wouldn't marry and I wouldn't have children. i would rather have a life than an existence as a drudge, which is what it is now.

SarfEasticated · 26/10/2010 20:47

Can't your DH do the shopping during the week? Seems silly for you to have to do it all...

Fiddledee · 26/10/2010 20:49

The reason many of us SAHM need cleaners is that is impossible to clean when you have toddlers/pre-schoolers, there is no down time when one of them isn't awake. Also its to do with the size of the house you live in, no way would I need a cleaner if I had a one bath, 2 bed house/flat. Although many mothers I know with school aged children who are SAHM still have cleaners for what I think is a very valid reason - they hate cleaning. People hate cooking so buy ready meals is not different IMO.

Original poster
domeafavour · 26/10/2010 20:51

Pinkmoon I don't think you should feel guilty about putting baby in nursery for the odd morning, Ime it does them a lot of good. Socialising with other little ones and especially if it makes for a happy mum. I made that very concious decision as soon as we could afford it because I knew ds wouldn't have that many little friends.
I think I would find it easier if I had more space, I have taken everything down to the bare minimum but kitchen is small and we struggle with storage space. If I had a utility room e.g. I wouldn't mind putting the washing in the maiden out of the way. Or I could put the ironing board in there instead of the downstairs loo!

So I have a week to get this house shipshape, organised within an inch if it's life , so I can go back to work on Tuesday!

OP posts:
theywillgrowup · 26/10/2010 21:05

fiddle,sorry but you really dont need a cleaner because you have pre-schoolers,i had twins and managed as im sure thousands have before me,most people i know me included have bog standard 3 bed house,so no big house for me,also as a single parent i do the garden, basic diy,etc as alot of mothers do,yes i suppose i sound a martyr

god i have 3dcs and if i didnt get on with these things nothing would get done,as i cant afford or would want to pay somebody to do things if i wasnt working

my kids have been to hairdressers with me,parent/teacher meetings,dentist for me not them,as thats life do people really,not have to take their kids with them to appointments,places because thats what happens in mine and many peoples lives

next it will be i drop them of at the grandparents because i need to do the supermarket shop

i must live a very downtrodden life,thats a joke by the way.lol

Original poster
domeafavour · 26/10/2010 21:09

sorry, but there is no way i could have done the cleaning with DS in the house. Couldn't leave him by himself, and can hardly drag him round the house with the bleach and the mop bucket.
Every situation is different.Of course you don't need a cleaner if you are SAHM, but if you can afford one, why the hell not!!

OP posts:
TheLadyIsNotForNapping · 26/10/2010 21:10

This thread is making me slightly panicky... I have an 8 month old baby and I enjoy being at home, would probably take a few years out of work if we could afford to.

But I am amazed that anyone with a baby finds TIME to clean properly! Never mind whether I want to or not, I find that between breastfeeding and the baby's meals and changing and settling her for naps etc etc, I can't get anything done at all. Each day I manage to get us both dressed and fed, put a load of washing on, do the shopping and usually make something for dinner, plus go to a baby group or something. On a very good day I'll manage to hoover, or mop kitchen floor- ie one small task. DP has to do everything else at the weekend!

I don't think I'd find "homemaking" dull, just impossible with a baby. Am impressed that any of you get anything done, whether you find it tedious or not.

Original poster
domeafavour · 26/10/2010 21:12

don't be panicky, it's normal!!!
Obviously there are some who have it all down to a fine art, but I think it's perfectly normal to not get time to do everything.
I can't explain where the time goes, it just goes!!

OP posts:
theywillgrowup · 26/10/2010 21:13

sorry but that sounds pathetic,dont know your circumstances maybe different if your child has a disability or danger to themselves,but if not do you take him everywhere in the house with you???? i cant believe that you cant clean with a dc about

how do you manage everyday life?????