To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

Some people DO think that. They may be silly, or ignorant, or misguided, or exhausted, or post-delivery euphoric, or whatever.
It's absolutely not the case that this is being interpreted in the darkest way possible: it's an offensive statement, therefore it offends.

hmmm....your friend is probaby just very relieved its over and that she and her baby are ok.

YANBU though, it was a bit of a thoughtless post....many women need medical intervention for whatever reason and you are not "better" if you dont need any.

I had 2 normal deliveries with just TENs for pain relief but let me tell you, if I could have had an epidural at 8/9 cms I would have!!!!!!

Good luck x

"anyone ANYWHERE who actually believes it? I don't. I bet you don't. "

I can think of at least two, easily. And one who did think this, was determined to have a natural, unmedicated birth and things went very wrong and she had an EMCS. she's had to have a LOT of therapy because she sadly feels she failed in some way. She bought into this "come on ladies" crap. She's a bright, intelligent woman who absolutely believed she could deliver "as nature intended" and her world rocked on its axis when she couldn't BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED IT.

I also don't for one minute think this woman believes that everyone can do it. I think her comment is a poor attempt to disguise the fact that she just fancied a bit of a brag and hasn't actually thought about how this will affect anyone she knows who has already had a bad birth experience or who is feeling under pressure to "get it right" with their own birth.

Plenty of people have agendas. Plenty of people are not straightforward. I know a very competitive someone who put all sorts of pointed comments about labour/breastfeeding/sleeping through on Facebook. Everyone who knows her knows perfectly well that she is absolutely desperate to be better than everyone else at every aspect of parenting.

I think what some people are forgetting is that the OP knows this woman, and has apparently had other conversations with her where she has seemed to be competitive about their respective childbirths.

Kungfu, agree on your last paragraph, just coming back to say similar.

Haven't read whole thread. All very fine to have euphoria and feel grateful (and proud) to have done the whole natural yadda yadda as long as there is no smugness or superiority.

But given that nature does, indeed, intend some women and babies to die in childbirth - when I hear someone being all superior, I hear them say that they are a eugenicist. (Helps me feel superior to them :o)

Oh llandb I like it. Will need to remember that come back.

"that this is being interpreted in the darkest way possible"

Well - maybe it's just me being a polly-anna then. I've never had a birth without some sort of serious intervention or problem and I don't read into that comment that the mum thinks I'm a failure or I've done something wrong. I just don't. Don't find it offensive either, just a bit silly and gung-ho.

I'm sure that if that mum came on this thread and read the comments people have made about her she'd be absolutely devastated.

I have one thing to say..... bucket

LOL LeQueen.

Titty, sometimes I feel you protest too much.

I remember a Ruby Wax show that included the information that because she'd had a section she could still do the ping pong ball trick... :o

"But I don't go round bragging"

So what's this all about then?

"that my pelvic floor is still so tight you could bounce your car keys off it, and sneering at all those poor NaturalDeliveryMums"

Better to do it here on mumsnet where you get a MUCH LARGER AUDIENCE, plus you can avoid those weird involuntary looks people dart at your groin in r/l when you imply you've got a fanny tight enough to crack walnuts with.

Also came across this:

What factors do contribute to urinary incontinence later in life?

"...studies have failed to find any differences between vaginal birth and cesarean delivery after about age 50. This holds true even though virtually all women who had their babies before the mid-1970s had large episiotomies. Many also had routine forceps deliveries. In fact, a study of elderly nuns found that even women who have never been pregnant or given birth have high rates of urinary incontinence late in life.
Factors that do appear to affect urinary incontinence in later life include excess weight, use of hormone replacement therapy (HRT), having a hysterectomy (surgery for removing uterus), smoking, repeated urinary tract infections, diseases such as diabetes, and diseases that affect mobility or mental ability such as arthritis or Alzheimers."

Basically it's pregnancy that does most of the damage to your pelvic floor.

As you were.

You know I wouldn't die from a fever or have my leg amputated without anasthetic and that is what nature intended.
Who cares if the end results is a healthy woman and baby.
Women who bleat about childbirth methods seem to be lacking in either confidence or anything interesting to talk about.
It makes my blood boil when they talk about c section women as not having the opportunity to immediately bond and feed. So my cousin with her 3 gorgeous adopted girls hasnt bonded with them then??????

'But I don't go round bragging that my pelvic floor is still so tight you could bounce your car keys off it'

I'm pretty sure you did exactly that earlier in this very thread LeQueen.

Your suggestion that the OH's of women who've had VBs are secretly disappointed with their wives' post-labour bits are extremely bitchy and seem deliberately designed to upset and offend. How very unpleasant.

I just don't think it's that funny. I've heard better jokes, really.

I suppose the difference is that the vast majority of women who had natural births which they enjoyed aren't smug about it, so there's no need to try and make them feel insecure about their post-birth fanjos.

taut not taught

Why do you care?

Titty, how does the defensive thing work for someone like me who did give birth to her first child vaginally and who would have been happy to have continued the labour with baby no 2, had not the baby developed problems? What choices should I be defensive about?

I just happen to be rather keen on the individual's right to their own feelings. Nothing riles me more than being told that this is how you ought to feel or this should be the greatest moment of your life and if it wasn't then there is something wrong.