Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that men generally move on faster than women?

15 replies

poshsinglemum · 23/10/2010 14:05

After spending some time on Match I have noticed how many men are looking for love with either very small babies having recently split up or people who are not even divorced.

I needed about two years to be my own person before looking for love again. I am expecting a flaming as I am being a bit sexist. Am I generalising or do women need more time to recover before getting back in the game?

OP posts:
ValiumSkeleton · 23/10/2010 14:10

Oh totally! Not an unfair generalisation imo!

My x was driving women around in his tart catcher (my mum's words) a few months after I left him. I was lying awake at night trying to figure out how I'd allowed somebody to treat me like shit for SO long.

He still hasn't forgiven me for leaving him though. Confused I believe it's a comfort to him to know that I'm broke and can't meet anybody else without losing my OPFA though.

I feel some sort of seismic shift under my feet which is scaring me though. FOr three whole years I couldn't have coped with a relationship and now I hear a voice in my head telling me it might be nice. That terrifies me. Because as John Gray says, I want to want what I have and have what I want.

MmeOrangeBlackandBlueberry · 23/10/2010 14:11

You are living in a different world to me.

What is wrong with sticking with a life partner?

Nancy66 · 23/10/2010 14:13

Definitely. same with widowed men.

MaMoTTaT · 23/10/2010 14:17

eh? I have to wait for my divorce to come through (it's somewhere between here there and god knows where right now - with the court or something I guess) before I can start dating again - I know e-harmony has that rule but wow!!

I think we're all human, some women move on quickly, some move on slowly, same with men.

ValiumSkeleton · 23/10/2010 14:38

That's true Nancy. Widowed men remarry very quickly. Look at Caron Keating's widow. Sally Meen was his second wife before you could say the funeral baked meats doth coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. tut tut.

Nancy66 · 23/10/2010 14:41

When my grandmother was ill, my grandfather was lining up the next one BEFORE she'd even died.

sure enough he'd shacked up with her three weeks after burying his wife of 50+ years.

glasscompletelybroken · 23/10/2010 14:44

I think they are programmed to move on as quickly as possible. Like animals in the wild - they have some deep-seated need to be sowing their seed. I don't think they're heartless - just wired differently from us.

having said that - it is a generalisation and I have known women recover quickly and move on and men not...

Hedgeblunder · 23/10/2010 14:48

They do but in my experience they still think about the ex years and years down the line. DP's best mate is a serial shagger but still harps on about a girl he went out with five years ago.

Saying that there was a one day gap inbetween dumping my ex and meeting dp- it turned out he was engaged and I was the other woman, only found out when I went to drop his keys off and she turned up with the weekly shop!
Needless to say I was well rid!

ValiumSkeleton · 23/10/2010 14:51

Yeah, my own GF did that Nancy. Married the woman a few doors away. His children were all still wringing the tears out of their hankies while he trotted down the aisle again.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 23/10/2010 14:55

I think they do move on more quickly, in general- it's certainly been my experience!

I think lots of blokes are almost scared to be on their own, whereas for women it can be quite liberating. I am generalising here, but men in a long-term relationship seem to be more confident, whereas women in a long-term relationship seem to sometimes lose their confidence as regards their own attractiveness/ dating etc.

Spare a thought for my poor friend, who agonised over the ending of her 6 year relationship (school sweethearts) and has discovered about 6wks later that he is now already in another realtionship- with a man!

RunnerHasbeen · 23/10/2010 14:56

I think that if the relationship has been a fairly good one (at least to the man) then he moves on fairly quickly to replace the good bits. However, men I have seen come out of bad relationships seem to take longer to lick their wounds. I'm struggling at the moment with the DH of a friend that died who seems to have moved on in a matter of 6 weeks or so. He seems to miss parts of the relationship and it is almost a compliment to her that he misses it so much (that's what I'm telling myself)! Women I know seem to miss specifics about the person. Just anecdotal mind you, know there are men and women who behave exactly like each other.

Francagoestohollywood · 23/10/2010 14:59

In my little experience, men take aaaaaaages to get over their ex. They may shag around, but then apparently can't commit because they are still not over someone else... Hmm

Nancy66 · 23/10/2010 15:03

Valium - exactly the same. My grandad didn't cast his net very wide either. His next wife lived a few doors away.

When my gran was ill she saw what was happening and told my mum that Grace (the woman) would be 'in like flynn when i'm gone.'

ValiumSkeleton · 23/10/2010 15:10

I hope she haunted them Grin

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 23/10/2010 16:45

There's nothing wrong with a long-term partnership Mnnmeorangeblackandblueberry but life isn't always that simple.

I don't think they do it to be cruel. It's just nature. I love my independance and relish being alone before getting it on with the next guy.

I think that it also depends on the relationship.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page