To want to be a stay at home mum?

[mummybooboo]

I've name changed for this but am a long time lurker, part time poster ...

I am serious - I have 1 ds who is growing up far too fast for my liking (currently he's 2!), my dh works away A LOT and I am fed up with having to deal with the house, ds and work (albeit part time). My job is my pre-pg one but without any responsibilities (i.e. dull but paid quite well, I would get the same pay elsewhere ... :-()

We could afford to live on dh's salary - if I didn't spend as much (which I do because I feel I deserve it as I am so hard done by mostly!)

Is it so bad to want to be a SAHM? Please give me reasons why I should just put up with having to do it all ....

I agree with BeenBeta, plus "keeping your oar in" is so important these days, particularly if you want to have a more professional career when your ds is older. I would probably be seeking to work an extra day and get a cleaner so that your free time is more free. Especially if your dh is away so much - you need to be able to spend time as a family when he IS home.

You need to get him doing more mummy. I think you are finding life a bit of a slog because you are doing everything. When he comes back from trips, you need to carve out a bit of space for yourself too and get ds and dh off doing stuff together. They will both love it and you will get some time to yourself!

Whar you need is full time work and to say to husband oy mate, I might be female but that doesn't mean only you do business trips. My new job means I'll be abroad 7 nights a month so you'd better get on with sorting out the childcare sunny jim because that's as much your job as mine.

But Xenia didn't you get divorced?

Sorry, I haven't read all of the posts, but I recommend being a SAHM.

I'm VERY, VERY glad that I chose to look after DD over working.

OK here's another view!

I have done all of it: part time, full time and SAHM. I'd say they all have upsides and downsides, but I think with part-time your job CAN (depending on the industry) become plod like and really boring and you end up feeling you are not doing anything well. If you can accept this for a while then great, but it sounds like you are unhappy.

I agree that you need to sort out what you want, as really working part time and looking after a 2 year old should be perfectly doable on your own (I look after 4 children under 6 AND work so I'd say this really cannot be the issue here).

If I were you I would either give up my job, enjoy some time with your DS and then retrain, or go full time working and give your career a shot.

Good luck!!!

Hi All. Thanks for the discussion.

I would like to just say to those that think I am spoilt - I don't think I am really. I was just having a bad day and wondered why I should have to work and do the house, childcare when my husband does a job he likes which takes him around the world (he likes it - although I know how tiring it can be) and then comes home and does little around the house. His view is that his wage pays for it. As much as some of you don't like that, I am fine with it - I am happy that he likes what he does, yadda yadda, but why can't I benefit from it too to an extent that I am happy? That was the question. (And to those who think he feels trapped doing what he does so he can bring in that wage - he really doesn't. We have discussed moving (again!) and him doing something else which would mean he was home more but there is nothing that he wants to do more. I really am happy to support him in that.

We are financially comfortable - we could easily cope with me not working permanently (although, despite what some of you think, I would only want to do that until dc go to school as I do get bored easily) - so it is not like I am putting lots of stress on dh by thinking (and it is only thinking at the moment!) that I might be better off quitting work.

Anyway, thanks all. I think I have heard all sides to the argument now and can have a longer think about what I really want (different job / give up completely).

If it hasn't been suggested and you want help convincing dh; get a copy of How Not to F**k Them Up by Oliver James (his asterisks not mine) and read the section on Hugger mothers with Organiser partners which it sounds like is your situation. Lots of good, well researched, advice.