Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was it right for this woman to overlook the fact her son bit mine

78 replies

Eve4Walle · 22/10/2010 08:21

...hard enough to draw blood.

Yesterday at soft play, boy probably a few months younger than my 2.9 year old DS, came up to my DS and tried to bite him, twice! The first time, DS ran off, but the second time, the boy bit him on the arm. DS hardly ever cries but he was sobbing and when I looked, his arm was bleeding. The other boys mother saw it all but scooped her son up and rushed over to the other side of the room before I could say anything.

Should I have said something? I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak rationally so I let it go but now I wish I'd addressed it.

I understand that toddlers sometimes bite but if mine had done it, I'd at least have said sorry to the child and mother involved....

Soft play really is the work of the devil. [hhmm]

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 22/10/2010 08:23

She should have said sorry on his behalf or made him give your boy a cuddle to say sorry if he was old enough, but you dont know he didn't get told off and you dont really know how old he is. She might have put a rocket up his ass when they got back to the table.

YANBU in essence but its not to say she did nothing. She should have acknowledge it somehow.

thisisyesterday · 22/10/2010 08:27

yes, she should have said sorry although i guess she was just mortified and took him far away to tell him off and keep him away from your child?

homebirthmummy4 · 22/10/2010 08:34

Oh is your little boy ok? I don't know what you could have said to her
She was probably embarassed but she really ought to have apologised and
If her son was old enough taught him to apologise too. Did she stay at softplay afterwards?

2shoeprintsintheblood · 22/10/2010 08:35

yanbu
then I am always gob smacked that people think biting is normal toddler behavior

anonacfr · 22/10/2010 09:08

She should have apologised over and over again.

That is just not on.

southeastastra · 22/10/2010 09:09

er because it is 2shoes, why do you think it isn't?

AnnieLoBOOseder · 22/10/2010 09:10

2shoes - it is normal toddler behaviour. Of course it's not good behaviour and should be checked. But toddlers who bite are hardly abnormal, now are they?

HauntingTheTardis · 22/10/2010 09:10

I think biting is pretty normal toddler behaviour - but that doesn't make it acceptable, and the other mum should have apologised and told her son to say sorry. But maybe she rushed off in total mortification, as thisisyesterday says.

Just to encourage you all, though - this too will pass. Your children will grow out of soft play and you will be free from it. You may have to go and hang round in the coffee areas of lazer quest or gokarting, but that is better than soft play, I promise!

LadyLatherOfIndecision · 22/10/2010 09:13

she was probably removing him from the situation, whisking him away

I am sorry for your DS

and yes, biting is part of the panoply of toddler behaviour

not all toddlers bite, of course, just as not all toddlers tantrum or are crap sleepers

pozzled · 22/10/2010 09:14

It is normal toddler behaviour, in the same way that tantrums are- doesn't mean it is acceptable but it happens.

The other mum should have apologised. And I'm surprised she didn't say something to her son in front of you, if only for the appearance of doing something.

sapphireblwhooooo · 22/10/2010 09:16

Biting is pretty common toddler behaviour, but I do hate it when parents seem to think that's it's ok because other children do it too!

I don't think I would have said anything to the other nother either tbh.......what would you have done? Chased her to the other side of the room and demanded an apology? I always shy away from a potential argument I'm afraid!

cory · 22/10/2010 09:21

I would have been apologising profusely. And told dd off even though I knew it probably didn't make a blind bit of difference. Damage limitation.

ApocalypseCheese · 22/10/2010 09:30

I have a rather large autistic 9yr old bites, he's never tried to bite anyone outside of the family but it's not a risk i'm prepared to take tbh.

Much as i'd like to sit on my arse and watch him play, in places such as parks, soft play etc he has my constant supervision.

Parents of known biters must keep a better eye on their children, being bitten is awful, for both the child who has been bitten and their parents, the carers who sit on their arses are lazy and irresponsible imo.

Op, yanbu. And hopefully she took the child straight home.

GoreRenewed · 22/10/2010 09:32

Of course she should have apologised. But I expect she was mortified and afraid of your reaction maybe?

HowToShoutSoHusbandsWillListen · 22/10/2010 09:38

What do you mean "I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak rationally"?

I agree that an apology to you/your son should have been forthcoming but if you were visibly irrationally angry then I don't blame her for scarpering TBH. These things happen.

Original poster
Eve4Walle · 22/10/2010 11:21

Would you not be angry if someone just bit your child then? Yes, I was upset but I was hardly going to lump her one was I?

Good to hear that you'd have done the same. I would have taken it like the grown up I am if I'd been the other mother and received a mouthful.

OP posts:
GoreRenewed · 22/10/2010 11:25

"I would have taken it like the grown up I am if I'd been the other mother and received a mouthful."

Really? Received a mouthful? Why? What good would it have done? I'd have accepted the apology and left it at that.

AnnieLoBOOseder · 22/10/2010 11:41

I can't wait until your child starts biting Hmm. Why on earth would you give her a mouthful?

Original poster
Eve4Walle · 22/10/2010 13:25

My child HAS bitten - his sister. He got told off and never did it again.

I didn't give the other woman a telling off though did I? I could quite easily have if I'd wanted to though. You are all so righteous on here aren't you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eve4Walle · 22/10/2010 13:26

Oh and Gore - there WAS no apology if you read the OP. If I had received one, I doubt I;d be posting about it here now.

OP posts:
wayoftheworld · 22/10/2010 13:36

Well now you know who to avoid next time you go on soft play area or park, etc.

My DD was bit on the cheek once and I did not go back to same play area for few months. Instead went to a new one- funny enough 3 years on and I have got to know the other mother- but have never asked for play dates. Never will!! Why??? The mother responded as if being bothered when my DD was bitten, made some wash for appology which to me means we have different approach to dissipline. I still have the same opinion after knowing her- her other kids are lovely though!!

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 22/10/2010 13:41

The mother should have apologised and attempted to make her son do the same.

AnnieLoBOOseder · 22/10/2010 13:54

Sorry Eve, you've been talking about how you wanted to give the other mother a mouthful, and how you weren't sure you'd be able to speak rationally, which is a complete over-reaction on your part.

We're not being righteous at all, just feeling that you're freaking out about normal toddler behaviour. Yes, the women should have apologised, but two wrongs don't make a right and screaming abuse at the woman (or even wanting to) is being unreasonable.

If you want people to agree with you, don't post on AIBU!

jonesy71 · 22/10/2010 13:58

She should definitely have acted differently, mostly effectively to make her child apologise and failing that should have apologised of his behalf.

Don't you just hate it when you tell a story like this hoping for a bit of support and people take other person's side no matter what? (oh i'm sure Hitler meant well, i think you're being over sensitive)

Just Grin and bear it, some do genuinely give good support on here, you just have to pick through the posts sometimes!

lovechoc · 22/10/2010 13:58

mortified comes to mind in regards to the mother of the biter. I should know because DS1 has bitten at nursery and yes you just want the ground to swallow you up.

I'm sure the mother wanted to apologise but her instinct was to just run for the hills after what happened - put yourself in her place OP, wouldn't you be mortified too???

Swipe left for the next trending thread