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Original poster

or was it right for this woman to overlook the fact her son bit mine

78 replies

Eve4Walle · 22/10/2010 08:21

...hard enough to draw blood.

Yesterday at soft play, boy probably a few months younger than my 2.9 year old DS, came up to my DS and tried to bite him, twice! The first time, DS ran off, but the second time, the boy bit him on the arm. DS hardly ever cries but he was sobbing and when I looked, his arm was bleeding. The other boys mother saw it all but scooped her son up and rushed over to the other side of the room before I could say anything.

Should I have said something? I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak rationally so I let it go but now I wish I'd addressed it.

I understand that toddlers sometimes bite but if mine had done it, I'd at least have said sorry to the child and mother involved....

Soft play really is the work of the devil. [hhmm]

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 22/10/2010 17:08

Friend of mine's DS3 (9 month old) was whacked hard over the head by a 2 year old - mother not there. Baby hurt and crying. My friend said - very mildly to the toddler - "don't hit it's not nice". Mother came steaming in and said "she doesn't understand, she's only 2".

No apology to my friend, no word of concern for the baby.

Even if she later told her daughter off, IMO, it's not good enough. I would not expect a 2 year old to be able to control her impulses, or to give a genuine apology, but

a) Mother should be watching her toddler if she is "too young to understand"

b) Mother should set an example by apologising herself

JamieLeeCurtis · 22/10/2010 17:10

scaryteacher - Hmm - I don't endorse this method anyway, and it never worked when my 2 DSs were biting each other back!

spookyhalloweenFluffypomkins · 22/10/2010 17:14

op,

I too would have been pissed off,seems rather weird to scoop the child up and walk off. Yes it is normal toddler behaviour but isnt it normal also to apologise when there is wrong doing?

I think i would have actually gone over to speak to her

hope ds is ok.x

DancingHippoOnAcid · 22/10/2010 17:22

scary - weird, hope you don't practice thst in your classroom! [hshock]

spookyhalloweenFluffypomkins · 22/10/2010 17:28

Bit of an old one that me thinks?

I normally hear the bite back,the wont bite again from the ladies of my mothers generation.

In all honesty what they will be taught is its ok to bite,(mummy does)

juicy12 · 22/10/2010 17:30

Sigh, there's always someone who advocates biting the child back on these threads. scaryteacher I'm hoping your nickname is just that - a nickname - and doesn't actually reflect what you do for your job! As to the OP, yes, I think the woman should have apologised, even if she was feeling terrible. Hope your DS is OK.

2shoeprintsintheblood · 22/10/2010 17:33

2shoeprintsintheblood Fri 22-Oct-10 08:35:56
yanbu
then I am always gob smacked that people think biting is normal toddler behavior

sorry I posted that this morning when In a shit mood, should have said more.
I am surprised that people think it is "normal" behavior because I have never come cross it.
obviously times have changed as it does now appear to be normal, and sorry if I offended.

lazylula · 22/10/2010 17:33

The mother may have been embarrassed but she should have faced up to it, apologised, made a fuss of your child and made her child see what he/she had done.
Biting IS a normal stage for toddlers, just not a stage EVERY toddler goes through, as with many stages that are 'normal'. Ds1 never bit, ds2 has been a biter from about 10 months, but has only ever bitten me, ds1, dh and my mum, with the exception of a friends little boy when they both sat at 10 months biting each other's hands and finding it hilarious [hhmm] He is now 2 and to my knowledge still has never bitten another child, although I always panic if I see him in a tussel in case he does resort to it!

pigletmania · 22/10/2010 17:34

Even if the mother had been too embarrassed, she should have apologised and ds if he is able to. Or just looked at you whilst scooping up her dc and apologise.

JamieLeeCurtis · 22/10/2010 17:47

Maybe "getting your life back" is just shorthand for sleeping

JamieLeeCurtis · 22/10/2010 17:47

sorry, wrong thread

scaryteacher · 22/10/2010 18:26

'Sigh, there's always someone who advocates biting the child back on these threads.'

Yes, I am a teacher of secondary school students.

Nipping my son sharply stopped him biting, and it worked for me, so yes, I advocate it. I don't advocate the 'oh it's normal behaviour' as I don't think it is, and it needs to be stopped. At almost 45 I probably am your mother's generation, and far less touchy feely about toddlers. My ds is 15 and hasn't bitten after I nipped him.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 22/10/2010 18:31

scary (hope your DH isn't on the sub in Skye). Do you advocate physical chastisement?

DancingHippoOnAcid · 22/10/2010 18:53

scary - I am almost 45 too and don't advocate biting a biter. It didn't work when we were kids and it doesn't work now.

When my DS was getting into the habit of walloping other kids t nursey I didn't consider it right to punch him in the face to stop him doing it. I would quite rightly have been arrested.

Cured him of it by removing treats, working with the teacher and using a very consistent approach. Takes some patience but it got through without having to inflict physical punishment.

lovechoc · 23/10/2010 13:43

DH has bitten DS1 back and it didn't work - so it doesn't work for everyone unfortunately scaryteacher. DH gave DS1 a nip rather than a bite though(there were no teeth marks to show).

DS1 is 3.6yo and occasionally bites at nursery. He can be fine for days and then all of a sudden I pick him up and informed by staff that he has bitten another child. He only does this at nursery and not at home though. I always enquire after the child who has been bitten to make sure he is okay, and then I have words with DS1.

DancingHippo we've tried removing treats but it still doesn't make any odds :(

lovechoc · 23/10/2010 13:46

Oh and the biting started when DS1 was around 16 months old and he is still doing it occasionally. what exactly can you do apart from never letting them socialise to make sure they never bite another child????

DS1 needs to be socialising with his peers to learn that it's not normal behaviour to bite and the staff are working on this. He sits in 'time out' after he bites. He may be struggling to understand 'cause and effect' though, which isn't helping the situation.

scaryteacher · 23/10/2010 13:54

Nope he isn't on Astute. Yes, I've smacked ds on occasion if that's what you mean by advocating physical chastisement. Now, I just stop pocket money and cut off his plugs, (not a euphemism for bollocks, but for his PS3 etc), however when he's unnecessarily rude or obnoxious he gets his ear flicked in passing.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 23/10/2010 13:58

lovechoc - biting tends to be something Dcs do before they are of an age when they can communicate well - some say it is a way of venting frustration by kids who can't put it into words. So they tend to stop doing it as they learn to talk better.

I think a combination of keeping letting the DC know you do not like it and simply getting a bit older will see the back of the problem for you.

My DS was older when he had the hitting habit and more capable of being influenced by taking away treats.

MrsRhettKilledTheButler · 23/10/2010 14:01

i kind of agree with scaryteacher about her discipline

not sure i'm qualified though really, dd bit once, i told her not to and she didn't do it again... so i've never really had a biter

lovechoc · 23/10/2010 14:18

@ DancingHippo DS1 have very good oral vocab and talks very clearly so I can only imagine he gets frustrated when his peers talk and he can't understand them IYKWIM?? Not sure myself really, I find it very upsetting when picking him up to be told that he's bitten another child. I feel awful for the child that has had a chunk taken out of him/her. Hard not to be disappointed in DS1.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 23/10/2010 14:54

lovechoc - yes possibly that is right, also he may have the vocabulary but not fully understand his own feelings yet? It is generally a matter of gaining a bit more maturity and the problem tends to resolve.

My DD had a friend in preschool who was a biter - several times I picked up DD to find really nasty bruises with teeth marks/ broken skin on them. Nursery would not tell me who was the biter (quite right as it is not right to make the biter a target) but they did take it seriously and worked with the girl and her mum and she grew out of it. She was and is a lovely girl (the biter friend) and DD never held it against her.

So please don't feel too bad about it, it does not mean your DS is any less lovely and most reasonable parents will not blame him for the odd bite their DCs may suffer.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 23/10/2010 14:56

MrsRhett and scaryteacher - I just cannot go along with biting the biter back.

All that teaches them is that biting must be OK as mummy does it.

Adults really should act like adults and set a good example.

scaryteacher · 23/10/2010 16:09

I do, I don't bite other people, just him! We all deal with this in different ways; nipping him back worked for me.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 23/10/2010 17:32

Oh, that's alright then scary [hhmm]

ragged · 23/10/2010 19:20

Am not sure if this was said...
A human bite that draws blood may warrant a trip to the doctor (read more) -- at the very least I'd phone NHS-direct or GP for advice. Humans carry a huge number of bacteria in our mouths.

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