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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DC to only have wooden toys? (Or is this a case of PFB Syndrome?)

632 replies

LovestoLove · 20/10/2010 16:18

I don't think I'm generally PFB - I want my child to respect adults, eat with no fussing/faddiness (or at least no reaction on my part), have no quibbles about the step, won't give copious amounts of juice/biscuits, won't give into tantrums, etc.

But I really have a thing about the bucket loads of plastic toys that I fall over when at friends' homes.

I love wooden toys/puzzles, books, cloth dolls, make-believe things, fancy dress, etc.

Is it totally unreasonable of me to ask parents, in-laws, and anyone else who's expressed interest in getting a baby gift to get something wooden/natural? I know wooden toys are generally seen as more expensive but I've found some on Ebay and other sites that aren't bad.

Or am I going to be seen as crazy? I'm 30 weeks pregnant by the way with DC1. Grin

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:13

I agree that Disney is dire! However I would have a rule about it!!
I ask the parent for suggestions, if I haven't seen them for a while, but in the case of my nephews I saw them often when small, I knew what they already had and I knew what they liked so I don't see why I would ask my brother-he wasn't going toplay with them! (I wouldn't be vindictive with drum kit etc but I don't see it as desirable for parents to try and extend their control).
I think that it is very rude of the parent to think that they can vet my presents. The book is one thing that I would check on and they are not always innocuous!
Those with small DCs will have to accept that as their DC goes out into the world they can't control everything!

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:13

Sorry-I wouldn't have a rule about it!!

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:34

I worded that particularly badly-at speed. I hate Disney themed toys but I would never have a rule about it! My DCs might like them, luckily they didn't but at least they knew what they were and had the choice!

sungirltan · 24/10/2010 11:34

you have me wondering about offensive books now - dd has one called 'the mole who knew it was none of his business' which is about identifying different animal poo he he

isn't insisting on buying what you want to for a friend's/relative's child instead of asking for guidance also a bit controlling??

i rang my bf recently to ask what to buy for my god daughter's 3rd birthday. bf replied 'actually i'm glad you asked, dd is going through a real tom boy phase and has asked for lots of boy toys but her dad and grandma are really against it! if you want to choose her something she is v keen on fireman sam/bob the builder/postman pat!' i bought her a postman pat dvd and a fireman sam book. she was thrilled and has insisted on fireman sam book at bedtime ever since. everyone else bought her pink stuff - tiaras etc - which im sorry to say she was a bit indifferent about.

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:39

I haven't insisted-I just do it! Why would I need guidance if I know the DCs, and I know which toys DC in general like? As a parent it was great to have people use their initiative-they came up with great ideas that I wouldn't have thought of.
I have one nephew who lives a long way away so of course I ask, but I have 3 that I see often and I know their likes and I know what they have-asking would just be pointless. I'm not buying it for my brother and SIL-they had their own toys when they were small!
I know boys who love playing with Barbies-why can't they have one?

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:42

Children's literature varies from the excellent to the dire. Again I wouldn't control what people bought, but I would be more worried about the 'innocuous' book than a plastic toy.(if I was worried in the first place!)

sungirltan · 24/10/2010 11:50

then i guess its just different social expectations. i'm not put out if people choose a gift for dd without consulting me. BUT if i rang a friend and asked if it was ok to buy x y or z and they said 'actually i'd prefer if you didn't, and went for something like a,b or c instead' then i wouldn't be the slightest bit offended.

same bf is going through i difficult patch financially and has painstakingly explained to her dd's that money is short, that they must make do and that luxuries must be carefully saved for and appreciated. a family friend bought older dd (10) and ipod touch for her birthday. bf is banging her head against the wall....... (dd would have been equally thrilled with a £10 claires accessoriies voucher)

lovelymumma · 24/10/2010 11:53

oh dear,you can't live in the past.I tried to with old fashioned toys when mine were little,but by the time they are 8,9,10 or probably a lot before,they will drag you into the 21st century,whether you like it or not.

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 11:59

I guess that yours are young sungirltan-when they have birthday parties (after 5 yrs of age)the guests will turn up with presents and they won't have asked you first. I have 3 DCs and countless birthday parties-no one ever asked for sugggestions! They had a DC the same age and the DC told them what my DC would like! (I doubt whether it crossed the mind of the 8yr old guest that xxx's mummy had to like it-as xxx's mummy wasn't going to play with it!)
It isn't rude to freely give a gift of your choice, but it is rude to try and control the gifts that people buy. As a DC my great uncle and aunt gave terrible presents, they hadn't a clue and they had very little money. It was a good lesson in life ,that I understood early, and I wrote them nice thank you letters. It was the thought that counted. They were lovely people and it would have been unfeeling for my parents to have even hinted that the presents weren't used.

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 12:03

Agreed lovelymumma-you can have your own way up until they are about 7 yrs, at a push, and then you are in trouble- and when they are teens they will tell you what they think of your parenting ideas! (before anyone says how rude-I prefer open communication and people being able to express what they really think-as long as they are polite about it).

lovelymumma · 24/10/2010 12:19

I know piscesmoon,my 11 year often tells me to stop making a big deal about things.I,m just not at all cool anymore!

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 15:43

There is nothing like a teenager to cut you down to size!

MrsKarpet · 24/10/2010 17:30

Sorry my attention just wandered to my daughter playing on her lovely wooden skateboard outside..... arf

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 19:03

It has just occurred to me that, of course, those with younger DCs think that 10 yr old have grown out of toys because they have grown out of wooden toys. They grow out of them long before 10yrs.

PartialToACupOfMilo · 24/10/2010 20:43

She's only little but this morning dd (10 months) and I came downstairs and I left her to play in the living room while I made her breakfast in the kitchen. I came in to fetch her and out of the toy box she had taken, a wooden peg puzzle, a wooden stacking rings set and five wooden kiwis that balance on each other - obviously just thrown across the room, she's a bit young yet to even balance herself Grin And we don't just have wooden toys; we have plenty of plastic she could have chosen.

Anyway point is some kids like wooden toys

** Disclaimer: She did then go on to play with a pair of socks, a wooden spoon, two saucepans and a saucepan lid for most of the rest of the day, so she may just be a little odd...

piscesmoon · 24/10/2010 22:31

Of course DCs like wooden toys! They like a mix. Tomorrow she may take out plastic-the whole point is that it is her choice.

HeadlessLadyBiscuit · 24/10/2010 22:38

Today my DS spent most of his time skidding down a ramp made of cardboard boxes. I am thrilled - this is the closest he's shown in being interested in non-plastic toys since he turned two :o

sungirltan · 25/10/2010 14:10

well, on observation, dd prefers her vintage (luckily not painted with lead since they aren't pre 1927!!! (had to look that up but got there in the end ;-)) wooden building blocks above all of her other toys (mostly wood, some plastic, plush or fabric)

bendybanana · 25/10/2010 22:23

I love wooden toys too but I got over it quickly. All kids prefer plastic! Although i avoid noisy toys.

SophieBooosie · 28/11/2010 13:17

dd(9) loves her wooden tea set. some kids prefer wood, its warmer

OhdearNigel · 13/10/2011 15:40

I would really like an update from the OP to see how things are going. If she's still around that is

MillyR · 13/10/2011 16:06

OP, it is possible to have only wooden toys. My neighbour has done it and her eldest is now a teenager.

I think it is worth remembering that not all wooden toys are good quality and that wooden toys are (like all toys) becoming increasingly gender stereotyped.

I would recommend:

Kathe Kruse dolls:

www.blueberryforest.com/kathe_kruse/kathe-kruse-flippippi-dolls.htm

You can't really tell how nice they are from a picture. You have to hold one.

And Haba food toys. This website seems to have the biggest range. They make good stocking fillers. DD is 10 and still plays with them all the time.

www.limiteds.com/products/1/4.html

But we also have Barbies, lego, star wars etc.

bruffin · 13/10/2011 16:20

Old thread MillyR OP has probably seen a bit of sense by now!

ScaredBear · 13/10/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruffin · 13/10/2011 16:39

She namechanged for the thread in the first place Scaredbear Grin Wonder if she is still around and will comeback and confess!