to want my DC to only have wooden toys? (Or is this a case of PFB Syndrome?)

[LovestoLove]

I don't think I'm generally PFB - I want my child to respect adults, eat with no fussing/faddiness (or at least no reaction on my part), have no quibbles about the step, won't give copious amounts of juice/biscuits, won't give into tantrums, etc.

But I really have a thing about the bucket loads of plastic toys that I fall over when at friends' homes.

I love wooden toys/puzzles, books, cloth dolls, make-believe things, fancy dress, etc.

Is it totally unreasonable of me to ask parents, in-laws, and anyone else who's expressed interest in getting a baby gift to get something wooden/natural? I know wooden toys are generally seen as more expensive but I've found some on Ebay and other sites that aren't bad.

Or am I going to be seen as crazy? I'm 30 weeks pregnant by the way with DC1.

I said no batteries and no Disney. By 12 months old my daughters favourite toy was an electronic singing tigger that bounced.

I said no Barbie. 6 arrived on her 3rd birthday. They multiplied to 47 by the age of 10,

i was only going to have "tasteful" toys. Now our house is overrun with plastic, bright, noisy tat

Astonished by the number of posters who seem to think that you have to give in to tantrums. I don't, and my parenting standards are pretty low.

And re toys - OP I think you are overlooking awful lot of lovely toys if you insist on wood and cotton only. There is a vast swathe of middle ground between this and this.

Matchbox cars.
Bath toys.
A paddling pool.
All the farm animals, wild animals, sets of bugs or ocean mamals or dinosaurs etc
Buckets and spades
Baby dolls
playdoh and cutters and shapers
Games like hungry hippo and buckaroo and Elefun

We have a nice mixture.

I would say that your sister is the one with issues, Sleepinglion. I also assume that her DC is very young and so she is able to have complete control.
I don't see why your DC would ask for anything bubblymummy-I can't remember mine ever asking for anything until they were old enough to want something that was the current craze. Are you going to stop them having something that every DC is into just because it is made of plastic? I could take mine around toy shops just to look, or friends houses and they played quite happily-they didn't expect me to buy it, but it didn't mean they wouldn't have liked it.
I agree with YNWYDLS's middle ground-you miss out so many really good toys if they have to pass and adult, aesthetic criteria. I can't see why a 1yr old-who wants to bang things, put them in their mouth etc is the least interested in whether their mother thinks they look pleasing!
I agree with tryingtoleave-if you are so fussy about looks when your DC is small how are you going to cope when they want to be dressed in pink, or have their hair cut short or they are a teenager and go out with rips in their jeans and no shoe laces,-or don't their wishes and personality count-is is always 'mummy knows best'.
You also have to bear in mind that if they know that you have very strong views they are quite likely to tell people that they like wooden and not plastic-they don't necessarily mean it!
I think that wooden toys are lovely-just not the be all and end all.

Exactly pisces moon.
Does th op or bubbleymummy think you are better parents for having just wooden toys, or that your children will be happier or nicer children for the fact they only have toys that fit in a narrow ideal.

My DCs are now teenagers and I can't even remember if they had any wooden toys other than a wooden dolls house, we picked up at the dump and a puppet theatre for ELC neither of which got played with much. The plastic tat (even having bratz and hasn't done them any harm and from what other people tell me are really lovely teenagers.

Do children really need that type of control freakery in their life?

Haven't read the whole thread but you were me, OP, when I was pg with DS. It is a nice idea and it is possible I'm sure...

...However, we have a nice wooden ikea toy tidy thingummy and all the nice wooden toys sit on the top as they look nice and all the plastic tat is hidden away in the boxes. I held out for quite a long time against plastic tat but he really does love it. I only ever buy it secondhand off ebay so feel less guilty about carbon footprint.

A friend of a friend only allows her child wooden or cloth toys. Apparently an unknowing relative bought said child some plastic fisher price singing keys. The keys are the little gir's most treasured possession

I would advise you to have very small birthday parties, with guests where you have vetted the mums for views on toys, or you will find your DC gets lots of plastic tat!

Probably the present will have been recycled by the mother whose DC was given it at a birthday party and didn't want it in the house!

Haven't read whole thread, but must say that parenting is a LOT harder than it looks from an outside perspective. I am a teacher and had all sorts of ideas about what my child would have/ how they would behave. Things like food faddiness or tantrums which you have mentioned are not easy to ignore, or overcome or as simple as being something you "don't give into" they can in fact be a constant source of agonising worry. Trying to do your best and be a good parent is one thing-and I'm sure you'll be great. But expecting perfection and a tasteful world full of tasteful toys is a bit more dangerous. And I should know-I'm the worst at being disappointed when things don't go the way I planned.

My son is 2 and loves books and dinky cars above all other things. However anyone who wants to give him toys as presents is met with profuse gratitude, as having a four month old baby I am happy with anything which might distract him for five minutes!

"Now, I am no great lover of plastic dinosaurs (especially when ds puts the smaller raptors in my shoes- those guys are pretty spiky) but they make ds happy. And I love to see him happy."

Great post Jooly! I especially liked this bit.

We've tried to avoid battery operated toys for DS, mainly because the noise drives me mad! He's got a couple of things that people have given him and likes them well enough.

We were in a toy shop the other day and he made a beeline for an interactive Peppa Pig hunk of pink plastic. The kind of thing that would probably make the OP shudder! He asked if he could have it, I said no, but Christmas was coming and maybe he could have it then. No whinging, no whining, no tantrums but I probably will get it for Christmas because he wants it, he likes it and it'll make him happy even if it drives me up the wall!

Ps forgetting the toys, in ten weeks you'll be meeting your baby how exciting! There will be stress and worry but also amazing times too. Good luck, congrats, enjoy!

No I don't think it makes me a better parent, nor does it make me a worse one with 'narrow ideals'. It actually comes across that you think you are a better parent by giving in to your child's tantrums and the advertisements that convince you that your child NEEDS this plastic tat. Im not saying this is wrong but it doesn't make you a better parent because of it!

DS1 is 4 1/2 and has no shortage of toys to keep him occupied. Jigsaws, puzzles, board games, books - none of which are plastic. They don't need to be! He collects model cars (metal) and loves LEGO which, as I said earlier, I find perfectly acceptable. It is the plastic fisher price type tat that I mainly object to but there are wooden alternatives to many of the popular plastic toys which means it is possible to be virtually plastic free without your children missing out!

I can understand that if a child watches TV shows and then sees the plastic version of their favourite character then it may be harder to give them an alternative. DS is happy to play role play type games with teddies, Lego men etc because we don't have that influence. Again, I am not judging you for letting your child watch tv but please stop judging me because I don't buy into the idea that plastic toys are a necessary accessory for childhood.

Seems that most [parents on here (myself included) have a good selection of both wooden and plastic toys. My children play with the plastic ones more and yes, it is because they make noises (rockets, keyboard). When they play with the wooden toys, they make noise, but that is because the boys add their own, v. loud sound effects .

I don't mind plastic if it has a volume control, but when DS1 was little, friends of ours bought him a toy that had no off- switch. It played an annoying tune and whenever we moved, breathed, laughed, the blooming thing would go off. On occasion, I would be sitting in the sitting room on my own, toys in the toy box, and the bloody thing would start playing. Now that is annoying .

OP, enjoy the dream. As someone else has said, that is what you are supposed to do with your first. Just don't think you have failed if it does not pan out as you wished .

Whats wrong with Lego?

(sorry havent read all the thread)

Before I had children I vowed we'd have no big toys, just ones that could be hidden in tasteful wicker baskets! However my MIL is firmly from the school of big is better, and it must be brightly coloured plastic. She bought dd1 the ELC plastic kitchen for her 2nd birthday - she's now 5 and it is still the most played with toy in the house - however, if I'd known it was going to be that popular I'd have really pushed for the much more expensive wooden version!

Nothing Pink Elephant. It is crappy plastic, music-playing, light-making rubbish that clutters up the living room that most of us wooden toy lovers try to avoid.

I have read this entire thread and found it really interesting. Congratulations on your pregnancy lovestolove. I agree that a few posts have been patronising/rude but on the whole it seems to me that most posters are trying to be helpful and give you the benefit of their experience, and are trying to encourage you to be open minded about what your child will be like, but also (and equally importantly) what you will be like as a parent.

It's great to have ideals and expectations for yourself as a parent, but I think it's helpful to prepare yourself that you won't live up to all of them (none of us do). If you didn't want this to turn into a discussion about parenting, why mention fussy eating/tantrums etc as these are (in my experience) some of the trickiest parenting challenges to deal with - and the theory versus practice of dealing with your own screaming 2 year old can be very different.

BTW agree that it's good to try and limit the quantity of plastic crap in the house, but surely a balance of different types of toys, based on child's interests, is best?

I hope my post isn't disheartening OP, you sound like you'll be a great parent and (screaming 2 year old moments aside) I've found being a parent to my two kids an amazing experience.

Just to say I have three 'delightful' boys and a house full of plastic tat BUT I try and get my boys good quality wooden toys when I can and ask for things that are wooden / material when I write Christmas lists etc. I wish that before DS1 was born I had thought about it more and not got some of the plastic things that I did buy.

There are some things that are good to be plastic and good to be bright colours (e.g. duplo, teething rings, etc) but there are a fantastic range of things that are wooden, card, material, etc. So I would go down that route if you want.

Just a warning though like a previous poster said wooden toys can really hurt when thrown (especially at DS2 or DS3 - scary when they are a tiny baby) and can damage property.

I would stick to your ideals BUT go with the flow as well!

I think someone has already said it - take toys on their merit rather than the material they are made from. We have some beautiful wooden toys that will stay that way as DD never gives them a second look and then we have things I thought I would never give house room too that DD can't leave alone and I'm please to say vise versa.

On the colour stereotyping that was mentioned earlier - I am so not a pink lady and have been a tomboy all my life. DD aged 3.5 would have her whole world pink if I could arrange it. I let her indulge to a certain extent now in the hope that she'll get it out of her system.

Ahhh, I'm so glad my 11mo PFB loves her wooden/fabric toys (IKEA stuff rocks), is not in the slightest bit interested in the TV and eats 99% of food with gusto. The few plastic bits bought by relatives are mostly ignored too

Of course my smugness will cause everything to come crashing down around me within the next few years when she asks for cbeebies, rejects the wood, and will only eat greggs sausage rolls.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to avoid plastic. I think if your LO then ignores it totally, you'd be unreasonable to continue avoiding plastic because you don't like it, but there's no point worrying about that yet.

FWIW I have told people we'd prefer wooden/natural toys and some people buy plastic anyway. You'll get used to it :)

I know a lady who had this belief, and carried it to extremes, to the extent that she would not allow her child to go to nursery, pre-school, play groups or other people's houses as they all had platic toys. He was a very lonely little boy and everyone felt so sorry for him. She also ended up effectively ostracised because you knew she would never come round for tea because you had plastic toys so she ended up with no invites.

HAve lost touch now, but I wonder how she copes with the play areas in the school reception class, which of course, are plastic!

just to say about having ideals are that whilst they are often good to aim towards don't beat yourself up if life does not work out like that.

ds1 was a very unfussy eater then at 3 1/2 became fussy

ds2 was a fussy eater but is getting better

ds1 is tv obsessed whilst ds2 can take it or leave it

ds2 loves classic boys toys and loves watching bob the builder, postman pat etc

ds1's favourite programme was 'Come Outside' and loves playing with dolls houses

Children have this horrible habit of having their own personalities!!!!

Just enjoy your children

Oh yeah my dh thinks i am in some way cruel to my children because I like them to go to bed early, not watch too much tv, and not eat too many sweets and chocolate or drink squash and lemonade.

I have just re-read the thread and I think it's funny, good-humoured and rueful, actually. Loads of people saying 'yup that was me, but go with the flow a bit more' which I think is actually v good advice.
I know I will be accused of playing the SN card, but really, when my son with ASD was little I was very proud that he loved books so much and didn't play with crappy plastic toys like my Barbie and Vet obsessed older daughter. So intellectual! I am still pleased he loves books so much, but not wanting to play with crappy toys was not a good sign at all. I was completely thrilled when he got Playmobil dinosaurs at the age of, what?, seven or so, and started PLAYING with them! Real play, setting up dino-fights and rescue missions with little plastic Playmobil men. It made him able to play with his sisters properly. He also played with a plastic doctor's kit at around this time (to a much lesser extent). He now also plays with plastic figures from favourite films and TV shows, and it's wonderful.
And I'm sorry but thinking 'not giving in' is the easy-peasy solution to all childhood difficulties, from someone who works in childcare, does sound slightly judgemental. Does she think that all children who don't say please and thank you to strangers or who refuse to kiss their auntie are badly brought up? Or toddlers who won't eat food that is touching on their plate have been over-indulged? Because it really, really isn't that simple, and that is nothing to do with being patronising. In fact, 'giving in' and letting small children have some autonomy in their little lives is IMO a sign of good parenting. I'm 'faddy' about food - cannot bear eggs, for example - but fortunately, being an adult, don't have anyone telling me I have to eat them (bleugh!)

Also, it's really easy to discipline and deny an imaginary child. Real ones are not just trickier, but more vulnerable and loveable and cute, and sometimes if a plastic dinosaur/fairy on their birthday will make them happy, well, feck it, you want to see their happy faces.