To be upset about yet another friend having a second, third baby when I can't

[pigletmania]

I know that I may be vvvvu as we already have a beutiful little girl, but yet another of my friends has announced that they are expceting baby number 2 when we are still struggling to concieve. We have been ttc for 1.5 years, and had a m/c at Christmas of last year which made us very . I just feel upset and angry that my body is letting me down badly. Everytime a pregnancy is announced in the news or with friends I feel upset and mildly hysterical, then get over it and forget about it until the next one is announced.

I could have written your post Piglet. Am in exactly the same position except I miscarried in January.

I know how you feel, YANBU. Had all the tests and they could find nothing wrong, makes it all the more frustrating.

Lonstocking thanks so much for sharing with me and to everyone on this thread, you have been so kind and supportive , and it humbles me to hear what some of you have been though and to make me to think that my situation is not so bad. Yes, having the m/c has made me appreciate my dd so much more, and trying to channelling my energies into her, especially now that she has got communication difficulties. We will take what you all have said on board.

Michaelafinnigan spend new years eve having a scan to make sure all the m/c had cleared and putting on a happy face so really feel for you, its espeically hard at this time of year when everyone is so happy.

TTC#1 here for 3 and a half flippin years ! One early miscarriage in February this year, so no medical assistance given as we can "obviously conceive" :(

Every pregnancy announcement breaks my heart! :(

Piglet

Infertility is awful whenever it strikes for whatever reason. You have every sympathy, and you are defo not being unreasonable.

Actually I found secondary IF probably worse than primary for a couple of reasons. With primary IF you can avoid children/pg people more easily but with secondary you are more exposed to pg announcements/women at playgroups/friends/family. Yes, all our friends had 2 or more during our ttc time. Also, whilst ttc#2 I felt I knew more what I was missing - I hadnt really known how gorgeous babies were when we were trying before and how much I LOVED being a mummy and wanted to be a mummy to more but couldnt. I felt excluded from 'normal' womanhood because I couldnt get pg.

We spend 2 yrs ttc for DD and had 3 iui and 2ivf with no pg (although unexplained IF), we had to have a break and got pg naturally by a complete miracle. Then spent 3.5yrs ttc DS and with all the intervention possible - more ivf and iui. It had horrendous consequences financially (increased our mortgage etc) and relationshipwise. Finally we got DS with icsi on our final cycle. He was born extreemly prematurely and it was very scary. Thankfully now he is doing really well, and we are VERY proud of both of them.

Wierdly (and wonderfully) I am pg with DC3 having got pg naturally just after stopping breast feeding. I am anxious given our history but am very grateful to be in this position - only in my dreams! Our ttc journey has changed our relationship irrevocably - some good some bad. We have not had a 'normal' (ie leisure) sex life for 8 years.

I wish you luck, and try to take every day/month individually. I would encourage you to both be checked out (and not wait too long), but bear in mind that GPs are not always experienced/sensitive in dealing with IF. It is v hard to do but try to believe it will happen eventually.

I would recommend TCOYF by Toni Weschler and another book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Making-Bible-enhance-fertility-pregnant/dp/1905744560/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259619262&sr=8-1

Good luck and I hope to hear a happy story soon!

i haven't read the whole thread but it is so refreshing. dd (5) is beautiful and if she is the only one i ever have i am so blessed but i would love to have another, and it really hurts
we have been trying a long time and have had mc's which were totally devastating and everyone (or at least you feel like it's everyone) thinks you should just be glad for what you have. and you are, but it doesn't change the desire for another.
duchesse (i am a namechanging hutter, trying to move on) i didn't realise your dd3 took 6 years to make an appearance and without any obvious reason - you have given me renewed hope
piglet i do hope it works out soon for you

I don't know if my situation is considered as secondary fertility. We lost our beautiful DD at 6 wks old due to prematurity and had our DS 14 mths later. When pregnant with him, I was diagosed with ovarian cysts which subsequently turned out to be borderline ovarian tumors so a year ago I had a hysterectomy etc.

People forget about what you've lost, and tell you to be grateful for what you have. In my case, I have my son and my life but it still hurts an awful lot not to be able to have any more children. I have told so few people about what happened that I am faced with people going on to me about having more children and to make it even more upsetting, talking about "No 2" instead of "No 3". So YANBU at all - it hurts a lot despite having our precious 18 mth old DS. I've been told in time that I will appreciate more what I have. Best of luck and hope your dreams come true.

It took me over 1.5 years to conceive baby number 2. I had a GP at the time who had trained in Norway I think and he said in a heavy accent not to worry that I had conceived once it would happen again. He then suggested acupuncture (they did this in the country he trained in). I found him strangely reassuring. And I did try the acupuncture and 6 weeks later I was pg. I am not say it was the acupuncture I think it was more my state of mind - I relaxed. There was something about the GP with his broken English that made his message wonderfully simple.

5 years later I was actively trying to avoid getting PG using condoms etc. At the ripe old age of 41 I had baby no 3. That was a surprise I can tell you.