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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social Housing allocation

87 replies

DillyDaydreaming · 18/10/2010 13:22

I am so angry on behalf of my lovely sister who is awaiting rehousing at the moment.

My sister is currently living in an upper floor flat on the local shit housing estate with my nephew who is disabled (ASD/ADHD and Dyspraxia). Due to my nephew's extra needs my sister can only work part-time, however, she does this readily and earns just a fraction too much to qualify for any help with rent or council tax and is certainly not a complainer.

Recently the council awarded her some extra housing points because of my nephew's extra needs - they know she needs a garden for him and ground floor accommodation.

Last week we were at my parent's house when their neighbours daughter was there. We have known our neighbour's daughter for a long time (10 years +) and she is a nice girl however she has 4 children at the age of 23 and announced that next week she is picking up the keys to a brand new 3 bedroom house. I was pleased for her but noticed my sister seemed a bit quiet and later on she said to me that she felt so envious of this girl and felt really bad for feeling that way.
But honestly I can see her point - my neighbour's daughter nice as she is has never ever worked or paid a penny in rent and is being housed in the kind of property my sister can only dream of. My sister who works and does all she can to support herself and her son is still stuck in the slum estate flat and likely to be there forever given the shortage of 2 bed places locally. Council have told her that on her banding she has little or no chance of being rehoused even WITH the medical points.

I know I am probably being very unreasonable as the neighbour's daughter also needed housing and with four children in a two bedroom house it was a nightmare for her but why does she get the house with the garden while my sister has to struggle? All wrong.

OP posts:
altinkum · 18/10/2010 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dexifehatz · 18/10/2010 13:35

No wonder she hasn't worked a day in her life-too busy f*ing and getting pregnant it seems.Angry

SalFresco · 18/10/2010 13:37

I know how your sister feels, I have a nice social housing flat but it is tiny, I have no chance of moving, and I do feel envious - but it is a "fair" system in that it is based on need, not on who "deserves" it more. Which I do think is the right way of doing things, even though in individual cases it does seem shit.

Original poster
DillyDaydreaming · 18/10/2010 13:38

IABU I know I am and my neighbour's grandchildren are lovely. I am just upset for my sister - ignore me as I'm being petty.

Would just like to see my sister and nephew in better housing with the garden that DN needs. My sister herself is very philosophical and just says "oh well - lack of 2 bedroom social housing and I don't need three bedrooms". She is a much better person than me.

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 18/10/2010 13:41

Sorry but there has to be something to stop the sense of entitlement to be able to churn out baby after baby and then expecting the state to pick up the tab.

Why should others pay for her to be able to get a brand new house?

fastedwina · 18/10/2010 13:42

Your sister has every right to feel angry. It's one thing to sit back and view the whole picture from afar and say it's ok - but if it's happening to you then yes, you have every right to want to scream.

PoorlyConstructed · 18/10/2010 13:43

It's not really a 'fair' system though. It could be, as it is based on need, but to be 'fair' they'd need to have enough property to allocate it to those in need.

Has your sister tried other housing associations, perhaps with some kind of part-ownership?

BaggyCoconut · 18/10/2010 13:44

I think YANBU.

We had problems with our housing, its was not suitable for my DD who has ASD. We spoke to our council and they couldnt be more helpfull, their docter said we needed moving as a priority and should have a private garden, ground floor acess, a seperate bedroom for DD etc etc.

I think your sis needs to get the council to pull their finger out, make sure she states exacty which ways the housing is making her DCs conditions worse, that is what it hangs on not the conditions themselves. There was a 8 - 13 year wait with our council, but we got the keys for a house 4 months to the day after a special panel met to discuss our case. We work blooming hard, and it was nice to get some help for once.

It seems odd that there is no national standards for this. But if our very overcrowded council can find a house, so can hers! Hang on in there and keep fighting.

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 13:44

YABU.

We are working poor. Our eldest has SN as well.

We're stuck in a damp-ridden maisonette with no garden.

His medical points won't be enough because tbh, he has mobility that others who really need to be on the ground floor do not.

Life isn't fair.

That's sadly how it is.

BaggyCoconut · 18/10/2010 13:57

Can I just say haveing read back through the posts here. Her sister did not plan to have a child with additional needs. She would have had no idea how unsuitable her housing would become for her family. Private renting and ASD can be an absolute living hell. I dont like the whole talk of sense of entitlement. She needs stable long term housing, and all the OP is saying is that she feels sad for her sister, who has found herself in circumstances she could not have rpredicted and planned for!

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 14:00

She does have stable, long-term housing according to council definitions. It's not ideal, there's no doubting that.

But houses with gardens are at a premium and if there is another applicant who can demonstrate greater need, then they get the house.

That's how it works.

Not saying it's ideal, but that's how it is.

It's hell having a SN child and no garden. I know, I have one.

But hey ho, this flat is better than being in homeless accommodation.

GypsyMoth · 18/10/2010 14:05

your sister isnt entitlesd to a 3 bed though?? so why is she jealous of this girl?

even if you take her out of the equation,it would have gone to a family who has the required points and people for the bedspaces

saffy85 · 18/10/2010 14:08

You're right. It isn't fair. But there is loads in the same boat as your sister, many A LOT worse off.

My gran's very elderly frail friend lives at the very top of a tower block where often the lift doesn't work. She has been waiting for a ground floor falt for 7 years. Last year the lift was broken for 12 days straight. Guess how long this old lady was stuck in her damp poky flat for?

The same council refuse to house me at all. I've never bothered being angry as what is the fucking point?

fastedwina · 18/10/2010 14:12

'My sister who works and does all she can to support herself and her son is still stuck in the slum estate flat and likely to be there forever given the shortage of 2 bed places locally. Council have told her that on her banding she has little or no chance of being rehoused even WITH the medical points.'

Wouldn't you be jealous if you worked and were responsible and tried to be as little a burden on the state as possible and saw others in this girls position be handed what the need or want? I would be furious, even if that's not PC.

OP maybe your sister should pop out a few more babies, give up work and up her points.

BaggyCoconut · 18/10/2010 14:13

I would imagine the jelousy comes from the fact she could not have prevented her childs situation, but having 4 children when you only have a 2 bedroom place is easily preventable.

GypsyMoth · 18/10/2010 14:15

could someone explain why a family with dc with ASD,ADHD and dyspraxia specifically need a garden?

this is a genuine question btw. i would imagine anyone with a child needs one,but wondering why this has been mentioned here.

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 14:16

Was the mother of the 4 kids living in a 2-bed flat, though?

It's normal to feel envious, but honestly, no point in getting angry.

It is how it is.

Not ideal, but life seldom is Sad

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 14:18

Not sure, Sprinkle.

It would be grand to have outdoor space for DD1, who is dyspraxic and has a tendancy towards the hyper.

But she is able to walk up stairs.

Many who are allocated ground floor are so because they do not have such mobility. Sad

saffy85 · 18/10/2010 14:19

I was wondering that too Sprinkle....

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 14:20

Ideally, everyone with kids would not have to live in a non-ground-floor flat.

But reality is sadly a different story, especially when it comes to social housing.

TitsalinaBumPumpkin · 18/10/2010 14:23

YANBU i know how you feel, were in a 2 bed upstairs flat, and me and ds1 are 'disabled' on average i have to spend about 3 days out of the week indoors because i physically cant get out the flat. I have fallen down the stairs loads of times and DS1 really struggles with the stairs, especially at the moment as he is on iv antibiotics that make him feel rubbish but i cant carry him and tbh at the age of 6 he gets embarrassed about it.

We have been waiting well over a year to be rehoused were band B.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 18/10/2010 14:23

SD- lots of reasons.

For a start, other palcces such as parks can be impossible toa ccess with a child with ASD. I can't with my ds1; he picks up discarded food from the floor, etc.

The adhd means there is a lot more energy to burn off as well, so a child with restricted access to leisure and eercise needs to get more; it's a PITA frnakly (we ahve 2 with asd, 1 with add- luckily we have a garden but life without it would be exceptionally hard).

And then even little things- prescribed therapy for the ds's I have invovles a tramploine. Not having one (couldn;t afford it) saw us alabelled as uncooperative.

BaggyCoconut · 18/10/2010 14:24

Sprinkle - the council doctor said our DD needed a garden as she simple cannot access alot of outdoor public places, such as parks etc, the same as an NT child can. Her sensory/danger/behaviour problems make it exceptionally hard, but like all children she needs to leave the house!

We were given ground floor due to becoming house bound as I could no longer manage to carry her upstairs.

ScaryMoaningArrrggghhhs · 18/10/2010 14:25

Also, the SN could be a 'runner': we see so much mild / moderate ASD but in severe cases- well ds3, 7, only came off reins a year ago, OP's DN could easily be the same.

The 6ft wall around our rented garden is both a lifesaver and a sanity saver. Life becuase of the amount of times he goes out the bedroom windows and has somewhere 'safe' to land.

expatinscotland · 18/10/2010 14:25

DD1 has a lot of energy to burn off.

It's really hard, with no garden.

But we can't expect it from council.

There just isn't enough to go around and whilst it's really hard for us, it's impossible for a lot of people to even get to this flat if they have serious mobility issues.

Sadly, more and more people with such mobility issues are in need of ground floor housing.

And the situation will get worse, I can almost guarantee it.