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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask a newish friend where she got all her money from?

75 replies

washbasin · 17/10/2010 20:03

I have known this friend for about 2 years now, we met at a baby group when our DC's were little and have kept in touch since. We get on well and see each other every few weeks with the kids so I consider her a good friend but she is still a fairly new one I guess. I therefore don't know certain things about her like why she is so loaded! It has never bothered me but my DH keeps saying I should just ask her, it just seems rather rude to me to ask!

She seems to have a never ending supply of money, eg she has just done over £120k worth of house improvements and didn't need to borrow any money for it. She constantly goes on about how skint they are now yet has just booked someone to do the garden at a cost of £6k. They are going on holiday soon for >£2k. And then the other day she said she is going to buy a new car. And her DD is getting a £200 present for her 2nd birthday. She doesn't work just now either and her DH is in a good, but not a megabucks, job.

DH thinks they either won the lotto or she had a major redundancy payout years back. I keep saying it's rude to ask her but DH keeps nosying.

AIBU to even think about asking?

OP posts:
thighsmadeofcheddar · 17/10/2010 20:04

Yes, it's crass. Don't ask.

lal123 · 17/10/2010 20:05

why does it matter? Does she ask you where you get your money from? None of your business and YABU

clam · 17/10/2010 20:05

Inheritance?
Don't ask though.

SarahStratton · 17/10/2010 20:05

Maybe she inherited? Either way it would be incredibly rude to ask. I would be seriously pissed off if someone asked me.

MrsC2010 · 17/10/2010 20:06

Not sure what it has to do with you and why you are bothered to be honest.

curlymama · 17/10/2010 20:06

You can't ask, it's rude. But I, like you, would be desparate to know!

peggotty · 17/10/2010 20:07

I understand the temptation but it's Not The Done Thing really is it?! She/he could have inheritance money I suppose. But if she wanted you to know she would tell you.

Vallhalloween · 17/10/2010 20:08

Good Lord! You wouldn't really even consider asking, would you? It would be the height of bad manners, something which I wouldn't even ask my closest friend, and he and I have been pals for more than thirty years.

Anyone asking me that question would be an ex-friend very quickly.

scurryfunge · 17/10/2010 20:10

Very rude to ask....enjoy her friendship.

I had a bloke at work who was obsessed with what our family income was and asked constant questions about how much our holidays, cars, etc were.

Really wearing and so rude.

EleanorHauntedHandbasket · 17/10/2010 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/10/2010 20:11

My god! Yes. Unreasonable. What on earth does your husband want or need that information for?

"Excuse me, I was just wondering why you have so much money."

If she wants you to know, she'll tell you.

If you ask, she will assume you want some.

Mumcentreplus · 17/10/2010 20:12

mind you business..and hint for an expensive present Grin

Faaamily · 17/10/2010 20:15

Why do you want to know, other than because you are very nosey?

warthog · 17/10/2010 20:16

Do Not Ask.

electra · 17/10/2010 20:16

YABU - my pet hate is people asking me how I can afford x,y and z. Why does it matter how your friends afford things? It's just irrelevant to a friendship imo.

phipps · 17/10/2010 20:17

YABU and your DH is too.

Caboodle · 17/10/2010 20:19

How come you know how much her stuff costs? Does she always tell you how much she has spent?

Marchpane · 17/10/2010 20:20

Unless your dh is working undercover for serious organised crimes agency in some sort of anti-money laundering capacity then I can't see how it would be his business.

Don't ask. It'll either be something you don't want to know or you'll cause offence and lose a friend.

Sassybeast · 17/10/2010 20:20

Very very odd to even consider asking IMO.

electra · 17/10/2010 20:20

oh and 'skint' is all relative.

zombishambles · 17/10/2010 20:20

YABU - but why is she telling you exactly how much things cost anyway - think thats awfully crass.

mrsruffallo · 17/10/2010 20:22

YABU
It's distasteful on both your parts

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 17/10/2010 20:23

oh fgs would none of you (apart from eleanor the nosey bastard) want to know? really? really, really?

Go on. Ask. I want to know now.

So in short, ya probably being unreasonable, but ask anyway. 2 years is long enough to take a chance eh? Grin

ForMashGetSmash · 17/10/2010 20:23

A very good friend of mine....who I met at Uni in London was rich...I knew she was well off..you just do...her education had been the expensive kind etc and she had a lovely flat (her own) in an expensive area in London...after we knew one another for three years she "confessed" that her Dad was a millionaire and owned most of the bloody street she lived on...it was smack opposite a major tube station and one of those gorgeous streets to boot.

Seems like the very well off sometimes feel shy about it...my friend did...she s guilt over it....don't ask your mate...she may tell you one day.

Avocadoes · 17/10/2010 20:27

Dh and I have more money than our jobs would suggest. I lost my mum and my dad while young so inherited some money which was then wisely invested. It meant we could buy our house mortgage free and therefore we have more disposable cash than most. I would happily explain this to a friend if asked. I would not be pissed off if they did ask, although I guess I would be surprised.

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