to ask a newish friend where she got all her money from?

[washbasin]

I have known this friend for about 2 years now, we met at a baby group when our DC's were little and have kept in touch since. We get on well and see each other every few weeks with the kids so I consider her a good friend but she is still a fairly new one I guess. I therefore don't know certain things about her like why she is so loaded! It has never bothered me but my DH keeps saying I should just ask her, it just seems rather rude to me to ask!

She seems to have a never ending supply of money, eg she has just done over £120k worth of house improvements and didn't need to borrow any money for it. She constantly goes on about how skint they are now yet has just booked someone to do the garden at a cost of £6k. They are going on holiday soon for >£2k. And then the other day she said she is going to buy a new car. And her DD is getting a £200 present for her 2nd birthday. She doesn't work just now either and her DH is in a good, but not a megabucks, job.

DH thinks they either won the lotto or she had a major redundancy payout years back. I keep saying it's rude to ask her but DH keeps nosying.

AIBU to even think about asking?

Well yes Hecate. That's the only reason why I had an ounce of thought about asking her as I think she would probably enjoy telling me TBH!

I once said to her that we weren't going on holiday this year as we were skint and had no spare money. She said 'Oh I know how you feel but there are some good deals out there, you could get one for about £1k ish'.
To which I replied 'We have no spare money' to which her face dropped in the realisation that that actually did mean no money.

I could tell you exactly how much all her furniture cost too. Again, she told me, I didn't ask.

She sounds a bit braggy, so much so she is gagging for you to ask her, dont though.

If she is taling about money, than there is no boundary. I would ask if it bothered me...

..talking.. love my spelling

YABU. None of your business.

It is rude to ask... but I'd want to be nosey too!

Ah, is she one of those who truly doesn't understand that "no money" means NO money?

I have an aunt like that.

She has been fortunate enough to have had several inheritances and has been fabulously wealthy for her whole life due to these inheritances. She cannot grasp the concept of no money. She's in her 80s so I doubt she'll change

When you say "no money" she cannot understand. As far as she's concerned, everyone has got some money. I have no idea why she can't get that no money can mean literally no money. it seems quite a straightforward thing.

Your friend is probably like my aunt in that.

Why are so many people so coy about asking? It reminds me of the secrecy around salaries which has contributed to inequalities in pay. Personally I wouldn't ask but I'd be interested in knowing the answer - and if I were rich and someone asked me where I got the money from I'd be happy to tell them.

I think because asking is like expecting that someone owes you an explaination or must justify their wealth to you. Also because there are some things that it is just wrong to ask!

That's expensive, how can you afford it?
How much money do you have in the bank?
How many times do you have sex in a week?
When was your last orgasm?
Does your husband take you up the pooper?

for example.

How much do you really want to know? If you ask then you run the risk of seeming rude. Do you think she will be offended? Tell DH to ask her! I also want to know now but it's not my mate I could be upsetting.

No, don't ask.

An acquaintance I met had loads of money and banged on about what great jobs her and her DH had, but actually they did nothing very high powered or mega-buckish although did seem to piss money up the wall have a high spending lifestyle.

Co-incidentally it turned out that she went to school with another of my friends, although the rich friend didn't know that I knew her schoolfriend.

It was all inherited money, but used to make me whenever she banged on about how incredibly rich and high powered they were, given that I knew the truth.

When I lived near Norfolk I had a friend with 2 dc similar age to me and she always had money,despite often mooching around the charity shops with me and buying 'cheaper' deals just like me.

Her house was ordinary but with some beautiful stuff and her wardrobe was fab!.

She had no idea how to balance her cheque books or save her receipts to check her debits and I taught her.

Anyway to cut a long story short another friend was telling me a story and mentioned the girls nickname - oh do u mean xxxxxx? I asked - yeah her whose mum and dad won the pools when we were at secondary do you remember?.

Of course I didnt know them then so I hadnt clicked.

You could just casually ask?

She might be in debt for all you know but being an ostrich about it.

I would probably squeeze in a "wow, that's fantastio, but how do you mangage THAT in these straightened times?" But if an answer was not immediately forthcoming I would leave it.

Hectate since you asked...

That's expensive, how can you afford it?
I cant
How much money do you have in the bank?
£10.31
How many times do you have sex in a week?
1
When was your last orgasm?
Yesterday morning
Does your husband take you up the pooper?
god no

OMG I am such a nosey cow I would end up asking. Most of my good friends are the same and we ask each other all sorts......

Anyway, that aside, I would imagine there is some family money there somewhere, either from her parents or her DH's parents probably. I know someone a bit like her; her DH is a postman so doesn't earn a huge amount, and she doesn't work, yet they have fantastic holidays and she and her children have a wardrobe bursting with Boden. As it turns out, her DH inherited the house they live in, and several other houses in their cul-de-sac, so they have no mortgage and also an income each month from the various rental homes.

Could it be that your friend and her DH own some houses that they rent out? They might have mortgaged some of them to get the 120k required. She might have just said they didn't borrow the money to sound impressive.

dear god goodmanners! if this turns into a thread of everyone answering those questions I shall hold you responsible

MUMSNETTERS - I truly do not wish to know if your husband goes in via the tradesmans entrance

That just reminded me, she has mentioned that she rents out a flat too so probably has income from that.

And for the record, we don't use the tradesmans entrance either :o

When I used to live near norfolk there was a v posh old lady who if the front door got knocked would call in this very shrill very posh voice 'around the back dear I only receive visitors and parcels from the back door'

.

Your friend is pretty crass, and not very well brought up, to be going on and on about how much everything costs - so it is probably not inherited. Unless her parents came to money late in life and it was new money to them too.

My guess is massive payout for something, stockoptions in a dot.com well invested from before the bubble burst, etc.

Seeing as your friend is so crass as to tell you this, which is pretty insensitive unless you are equally loaded, I bet she is just waiting for you to ask, so she can boast further.

Go ahead.

(I have quite a few wealthy friends and NONE of them boast about how much anything cost. It just isnt done in polite circles)

Loving the fact that Hecate is now finding out more about people than she wished to .

I am still laughing at the

"does your husband take you up the pooper" comment, but would agree with most

Its rude, its none of your business and I don't understand why you or your DP should care in the slightest where the money comes from.